Well, they finally arrived, our cheques from King Ralph. Yay! I checked the mail about a hundred times yesterday (a little obsessive, I know) and was saddened every time to find an empty box. Sigh. Little did I know that our mail person was running behind and didn't deliver the mail till about 7 in the evening. Yeesh. Ian was a little freaked out by the person in dark clothing skulking around the house, especially since the mail carriers go to our back door to deliver our neighbours mail over the fence. Anyways, we have our cheques, and they are mostly already spent.
Mary's $400 will be put in an RESP for her, I just have to call the money guy and get him to set it up (see! not beer and popcorn but savings for her future! who'd have guessed it?!). I'm looking forward to getting that set up so I can start depositing her family allowance or child tax credit or whatever they are calling it now a days into the RESP for her. My $400 will be spent on fabric! Beautiful fabric! I need to sew an Arthurian gown and a Victorian/Alice in Wonderland dress in the next couple of months. Yikes. I am not the best seamstress, so I've kind of left this a little late. When I made my Elizabethan gown it took me several months, and I'm still not pleased with the way it turned out. It's lovely, but I do wish I had done some things a little differently. What is left over is going to sit in our bank account, a little bit of padding just in case, possibly we will pay a bill or two with it. I'd like to get a decent couch that is comfortable to sit on, but that is up to Ian, I guess.
Speaking if Ian, we STILL don't know when he is leaving. Some time between today and Sunday. We don't know anything other than the job starts on Feb 6th, so they have to be out there before then. It's incredibly frustrating, not knowing. I can't really plan for anything, or prepare myself. Who knows, maybe they will call him tonight and tell him that his flight leaves tomorrow morning. Which would be tragic, because they sent him to Lloyd today, so he couldn't pick up his passport.
My poor baby is sick, or something. I am enjoying all the cuddles and snuggles, but she is just not happy at all, poor little thing. I suspect it is a combination between teething and a reaction from her vaccines 4 weeks ago. Last night she had a high fever, and she snuggled up on my chest and fell asleep. She hasn't done that in ages now, it was nice for me at the very least.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Winterific Blogstravaganza
In December, or was it November, I joined in with a group of other bloging gals for a gift exchange. It was so much fun and exciting, and I need to post about the gift that I received.
My gift arrived early, and it sat on my table taunting me..."open me...open me..." it said to me every day. I fought the temptation, and managed to open it only one day early, on December 31st, with the excuse that we would be out of the house all day the next day, and Mary was opening gifts, so I ought to also.
I was absolutely thrilled with what I found in the box. If this person had known me for years she could not have done better. Here's a picture:
A beautiful green and purple scarf, a notepad to live beside the phone, some yummy vanilla flavoured candles, a beautiful picture frame into which I immediately put a picture of Miss Mary, and my favorite, the magnet:
Anyways, I was so eager to find out who my mystery santa was, and on January 14th, I did, and I must say, I was thrilled. My gift was sent by Jen, over at MUBAR. I stumbled across her blog shortly before her baby boy "The Dude" was born, and I have enjoyed reading it ever since. She is a fabulous writer, whether she is discussing feminism, the "mummy wars" or what she bought on line, and I wish I had her skill and talent. I admire her not only for her writing, but for her honesty in discussing politics, her difficulties and joys in being the mum of two great kids, and her sense of fun that comes across in nearly everything she writes.
My gift arrived early, and it sat on my table taunting me..."open me...open me..." it said to me every day. I fought the temptation, and managed to open it only one day early, on December 31st, with the excuse that we would be out of the house all day the next day, and Mary was opening gifts, so I ought to also.
I was absolutely thrilled with what I found in the box. If this person had known me for years she could not have done better. Here's a picture:
A beautiful green and purple scarf, a notepad to live beside the phone, some yummy vanilla flavoured candles, a beautiful picture frame into which I immediately put a picture of Miss Mary, and my favorite, the magnet:
Anyways, I was so eager to find out who my mystery santa was, and on January 14th, I did, and I must say, I was thrilled. My gift was sent by Jen, over at MUBAR. I stumbled across her blog shortly before her baby boy "The Dude" was born, and I have enjoyed reading it ever since. She is a fabulous writer, whether she is discussing feminism, the "mummy wars" or what she bought on line, and I wish I had her skill and talent. I admire her not only for her writing, but for her honesty in discussing politics, her difficulties and joys in being the mum of two great kids, and her sense of fun that comes across in nearly everything she writes.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Mr. Harper, the Robot
Wow. So, they just showed Mr. Harper and his handlers walking his kids to school today, and I have to say, that man never relaxes. Instead of giving his kids a hug or kiss goodbye, he shook their hands. He shook his 7 year old daughters hand. So. Totally. Weird. It's really not my place to judge his relationship with his kids, but he was just so stiff and formal, and it was so obviously set up for the media it just made me shake my head.
Why am I watching the news anyways? Didn't I make a vow to stop watching this crap? Damn it.
Why am I watching the news anyways? Didn't I make a vow to stop watching this crap? Damn it.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Fox News: A Reliable Source of Information
Ha Ha. Yeah right. You have to take a look at this. All you really need to read is the headline, and that really says it all.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Huh
Well, it's done. Stephen Harper is the new Prime Minister of Canada. I always said that if that ever happened I would move to England, but Mr. Blair isn't much better, is he? Anne has compiled a list of things that Mr. Harper has actually said in public at one time or another, check it out if you want to be horrified.
I just can't express my disappointment in my fellow Canadians right now. I'm extremely worried about where a Tory/Bloq alliance will take this country. No where good.
I just can't express my disappointment in my fellow Canadians right now. I'm extremely worried about where a Tory/Bloq alliance will take this country. No where good.
Groovy New Feelings
Hah. So, to keep your minds off the fact that Mr. Harper may be winning a majority today, check this out. Seriously. Check it out, and let me know what you think!
Oh, Ian got back to Edmonton around midnight on Saturday night, but it looks likely that he will be spending much of this week and weekend in Calgary. Yay.
Oh, Ian got back to Edmonton around midnight on Saturday night, but it looks likely that he will be spending much of this week and weekend in Calgary. Yay.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
I got tagged!
Tagged by NeetsirK
Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Mama
2. Receptionist at a veterinary hospital
3. Returns clerk for a veterinary supply warehouse
4. Labour at a government run tree farm
Four movies you would watch over and over again:
1. Moulin Rouge
2. Chicago
3. Serenity
4. Pirates of the Carribian
Four places you have lived:
1. Regina
2. Weyburn
3. Edmonton
4. Um, more Edmonton
Four T.V. shows you love to watch:
1. ER
2. Greys Anatomy
3. Desperate Housewives
4. Iron Chef
Four places you have been on vacation:
1. England
2. Vancouver
3. Niagra Falls
4. The Okanogan
Four web-sites I visit daily:
1. The Order of the Stick
2. Cats in Sinks - It's all about cats. In sinks.
3. Urban Dead - I swear to God, this game is taking over my life. I dream about Zombies
4. Too many Blogs to name here
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Rare Steak
2. Baked potatoes with lots of sour cream
3. Sour cherry pie (but it's gotta actually be sour)
4. Creme Brulee
Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. England
2. The Okanogan
3. Vancouver
4. Africa
Four bloggers I am tagging:
Now, I don't generally tag people, but if anyone wants to participate, please do!
Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Mama
2. Receptionist at a veterinary hospital
3. Returns clerk for a veterinary supply warehouse
4. Labour at a government run tree farm
Four movies you would watch over and over again:
1. Moulin Rouge
2. Chicago
3. Serenity
4. Pirates of the Carribian
Four places you have lived:
1. Regina
2. Weyburn
3. Edmonton
4. Um, more Edmonton
Four T.V. shows you love to watch:
1. ER
2. Greys Anatomy
3. Desperate Housewives
4. Iron Chef
Four places you have been on vacation:
1. England
2. Vancouver
3. Niagra Falls
4. The Okanogan
Four web-sites I visit daily:
1. The Order of the Stick
2. Cats in Sinks - It's all about cats. In sinks.
3. Urban Dead - I swear to God, this game is taking over my life. I dream about Zombies
4. Too many Blogs to name here
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Rare Steak
2. Baked potatoes with lots of sour cream
3. Sour cherry pie (but it's gotta actually be sour)
4. Creme Brulee
Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. England
2. The Okanogan
3. Vancouver
4. Africa
Four bloggers I am tagging:
Now, I don't generally tag people, but if anyone wants to participate, please do!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Belated Friday Baby Blogging
Yes, that is a pair of underwear around her neck, in case you were wondering. She loves to dig through the dirty laundry and pull out Ian or my underwear to put around her neck. Time to invest in a covered hamper, methinks.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Sometimes I feel so good I gotta scream
Ian is going out of town tomorrow. Yes, that's right, tomorrow. For the weekend, maybe longer. Can you tell how thrilled I am that he is going to Lloyd two weeks before he is off to California for 15 weeks?
Money, Money, Money
Well, it's officially official, Mary is official. We got her Social Insurance Number in the mail today, and they even fit her full name on the card! Wow. I didn't really want to get her registered witht he government so early, but unfortunately, you need a SIN number to get an RESP.
Last night we had a meeting with our money man, Ed, and he taught me a whole bunch about RESP's. Did you know that the Canadian government will match 20% of what you contribute to your child's RESP up to $400/year? That sounds great, but it really complicates things. Because the government contributes there are all sorts of rules about what the money that you save can be used for. For instance, if Mary wanted to go into a trade, nope, can't use the RESP. If she wanted to go to school part time, nope, can't use it for that either. If she wants to use the money to go tour Europe instead of going to school, well, that isn't allowed either. We can access our money for those things, but there are many hoops to be jumped through, and the government must be paid back. The only thing that is acceptable is full time post-secondary at a government approved institution. Interesting.
The sleeping issues seem to have resolved as quickly and out of the blue as they developed. I don't want to jinx myself though, so I'll just say that we have all been sleeping better the last few days.
I still need to post about the Fantabulous Christmas Blogstravaganza, but my giftee still does not have her gift (god damnit!), and I want to wait till I'm sure she has her gift before saying anything. Canada Post assures me she will have it by the weekend.
Last night we had a meeting with our money man, Ed, and he taught me a whole bunch about RESP's. Did you know that the Canadian government will match 20% of what you contribute to your child's RESP up to $400/year? That sounds great, but it really complicates things. Because the government contributes there are all sorts of rules about what the money that you save can be used for. For instance, if Mary wanted to go into a trade, nope, can't use the RESP. If she wanted to go to school part time, nope, can't use it for that either. If she wants to use the money to go tour Europe instead of going to school, well, that isn't allowed either. We can access our money for those things, but there are many hoops to be jumped through, and the government must be paid back. The only thing that is acceptable is full time post-secondary at a government approved institution. Interesting.
The sleeping issues seem to have resolved as quickly and out of the blue as they developed. I don't want to jinx myself though, so I'll just say that we have all been sleeping better the last few days.
I still need to post about the Fantabulous Christmas Blogstravaganza, but my giftee still does not have her gift (god damnit!), and I want to wait till I'm sure she has her gift before saying anything. Canada Post assures me she will have it by the weekend.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Well I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted
Dear Internet,
Please, help! I'm at my wits end! Last night was better, a little better, but bed time was still a nightmare. I kept Mary up quite a bit yesterday, I only allowed her an hour and a half for naptime (she only naps once a day). I stuffed her full of food so she wouldn't wake up hungry. Ian kept her up quite late last night also, till about 8:30. She was tired. She was so freaking tired. But when we put her in bed, she screamed. She wouldn't take her bedtime bottle, she just screamed and screamed. It wasn't the fussy, crabby scream. It was the "Oh my God, I've been abandoned, someone killed my cats and my toenails are being torn out one by one" scream. I finally got her to sleep in my arms by cuddling her, I held her while I gave her the bottle which she really wanted, but wouldn't take in her bed like she usually does. She went to bed at about 10:30, screamed for 10 minutes and finally fell asleep.
So, here is my question. What would cause a baby to act like this? For the first year of her life she slept like an angel. Is it even possible for a one year old to be afraid of the dark? She has a night light, always has, but I just dont know. Could it be separation anxiety rearing it's ugly head? What is she so afraid of at night in her bedroom? Nothing's changed in there at all. Sigh. I'm just totally stumped by the whole production.
I do still have to post about the Christmas Blogstravaganza soon. This afternoon or evening if I get a chance.
Please, help! I'm at my wits end! Last night was better, a little better, but bed time was still a nightmare. I kept Mary up quite a bit yesterday, I only allowed her an hour and a half for naptime (she only naps once a day). I stuffed her full of food so she wouldn't wake up hungry. Ian kept her up quite late last night also, till about 8:30. She was tired. She was so freaking tired. But when we put her in bed, she screamed. She wouldn't take her bedtime bottle, she just screamed and screamed. It wasn't the fussy, crabby scream. It was the "Oh my God, I've been abandoned, someone killed my cats and my toenails are being torn out one by one" scream. I finally got her to sleep in my arms by cuddling her, I held her while I gave her the bottle which she really wanted, but wouldn't take in her bed like she usually does. She went to bed at about 10:30, screamed for 10 minutes and finally fell asleep.
So, here is my question. What would cause a baby to act like this? For the first year of her life she slept like an angel. Is it even possible for a one year old to be afraid of the dark? She has a night light, always has, but I just dont know. Could it be separation anxiety rearing it's ugly head? What is she so afraid of at night in her bedroom? Nothing's changed in there at all. Sigh. I'm just totally stumped by the whole production.
I do still have to post about the Christmas Blogstravaganza soon. This afternoon or evening if I get a chance.
Monday, January 16, 2006
but that's when the hornets stung me, and I had a feverish dream
Actually, I haven't been dreaming, feverishly or not. You know why? Because my baby, my beautiful, smart, lovable baby who has slept through the night since she was 5 weeks old...she's changed her mind. no more sleeping through the night. As a matter of fact, sleeping at all is for chumps! The last several nights have gone like this:
8 pm - tired, goes to bed, sleeps.
9pm - wakes up screaming, Mummy comforts her.
10 to 10:30 pm - very tired, goes to bed with a song and a bottle of warm milk.
11:30 - wakes up screaming like her fingernails are being pulled out. Poopy diaper. Mummy changes the diaper, cuddles and sings.
Midnight - goes to bed.
1 am - wakes up screaming, Daddy snores softly, Mummy grits her teeth and ignores it.
1:30 am - still screaming.
2 am - still screaming, Daddy still snoring, Mummy sobs softly and gets out of bed.
2:15 - done with cuddling, wants down to play. Mummy puts back into crib.
2:16 - screams so hard that she chokes.
2:17 - Mummy kicks daddy so hard that he chokes.
2:30 - Mummy gets up again, and puts baby on the floor. Baby is happy.
3:30 - Mummy puts her back into bed with yet another warm bottle of milk. Resolves to ignore the screaming this time.
3:45 - screaming.
4:00 - screaming stops.
4:05 - starts talking to herself. "Aaaaaaooo. Cat! Hi! HI! Ooooooh" Talks in 10 minute intervals, then pauses, giving Mummy time to doze a little before jolting her awake with more talking and shouts.
5 am - silence.
6:30 - Daddy's alarm goes off, waking Mummy up.
9 am - baby wakes and chats cheerfully in the bed till her loving mother comes to get her up for the day.
What the hell? What have I done to deserve such torture? And you know what drives me craziest of the whole thing?? Ian. He sleeps so peacefully through it all. How can he not hear her howling? I don't understand.
Anyways, in other news, I am feverishly trying to find Ian a job that pays half decently. The California thing is a definite yes, and I am definitely not dealing with it well. I don't know how I will be able to handle it. Yes, I do most of the child rearing work anyways, but Ian helps a good deal, and you know, I need a break from time to time. Yes, I know that you've heard this all before, but really, it's all I think about now. It's the reason that even when the baby isn't pulling her late night shenanigans, I'm still not sleeping. Less than 2 weeks till he's gone now. 15 weeks is a long time.
It would be easier if we had family here, really it would. Our friends are fantastic, but they have lives of their own, and very few of them have children. The one couple that has a baby is dealing with their own problems. To be honest, I'm just not comfortable leaning on people. I'm sure that most of my friends would be happy to keep Mary and I company, but I am just not comfortable asking/expecting that from them. I suspect that I'll be spending a good deal of time in Regina with my dad and his wife. It may send me right off the edge, but at least I won't be alone.
8 pm - tired, goes to bed, sleeps.
9pm - wakes up screaming, Mummy comforts her.
10 to 10:30 pm - very tired, goes to bed with a song and a bottle of warm milk.
11:30 - wakes up screaming like her fingernails are being pulled out. Poopy diaper. Mummy changes the diaper, cuddles and sings.
Midnight - goes to bed.
1 am - wakes up screaming, Daddy snores softly, Mummy grits her teeth and ignores it.
1:30 am - still screaming.
2 am - still screaming, Daddy still snoring, Mummy sobs softly and gets out of bed.
2:15 - done with cuddling, wants down to play. Mummy puts back into crib.
2:16 - screams so hard that she chokes.
2:17 - Mummy kicks daddy so hard that he chokes.
2:30 - Mummy gets up again, and puts baby on the floor. Baby is happy.
3:30 - Mummy puts her back into bed with yet another warm bottle of milk. Resolves to ignore the screaming this time.
3:45 - screaming.
4:00 - screaming stops.
4:05 - starts talking to herself. "Aaaaaaooo. Cat! Hi! HI! Ooooooh" Talks in 10 minute intervals, then pauses, giving Mummy time to doze a little before jolting her awake with more talking and shouts.
5 am - silence.
6:30 - Daddy's alarm goes off, waking Mummy up.
9 am - baby wakes and chats cheerfully in the bed till her loving mother comes to get her up for the day.
What the hell? What have I done to deserve such torture? And you know what drives me craziest of the whole thing?? Ian. He sleeps so peacefully through it all. How can he not hear her howling? I don't understand.
Anyways, in other news, I am feverishly trying to find Ian a job that pays half decently. The California thing is a definite yes, and I am definitely not dealing with it well. I don't know how I will be able to handle it. Yes, I do most of the child rearing work anyways, but Ian helps a good deal, and you know, I need a break from time to time. Yes, I know that you've heard this all before, but really, it's all I think about now. It's the reason that even when the baby isn't pulling her late night shenanigans, I'm still not sleeping. Less than 2 weeks till he's gone now. 15 weeks is a long time.
It would be easier if we had family here, really it would. Our friends are fantastic, but they have lives of their own, and very few of them have children. The one couple that has a baby is dealing with their own problems. To be honest, I'm just not comfortable leaning on people. I'm sure that most of my friends would be happy to keep Mary and I company, but I am just not comfortable asking/expecting that from them. I suspect that I'll be spending a good deal of time in Regina with my dad and his wife. It may send me right off the edge, but at least I won't be alone.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
I can make you scared, if you want me too...
My baby may be brilliant, but she is definately not going to be a techie. Electronic toys are downright scary, and always have been. She would rather play with the cats, or have some blocks and a bucket, or maybe a toy that she can pull on a string. It started with the flying saucer of doom when she was about 6 months. It was a neat bowl shaped thing that would spin and light up if she bumped it. It did not go over well. For Christmas she got an electronic piano, which she had no problems with if it just did its piano thing, but it has this one button, the button of terror. When the button is pushed the piano launches into its own rendition of...well...songs, and the teddybears on top dance madly. Terrifying. Mary also got one of those books that have buttons on the side that you push and they make noises or say things, you know what I'm trying to describe here, right? Anyways, that book has sat quietly on her bookshelf until this morning, when she accidentally stepped on it. The first time it made noise she looked around in horror to find out where the voice was coming from. The second time her face crumpled and she screamed in abject terror. Now the scream of abject terror is very different from the siren of frustration, and it makes my heart leap into my throat and tears come to my eyes, much like the howl of pain. Anyways, I put the book away and picked up my sobbing daugheter, who then clung to me like a little monkey for about 45 minutes. She calmed down after about 5, but every time I tried to put her down she whimpered in fear and tried to choke me. I finally coaxed her down with a cookie and some vanilla yogurt for breakfast.
Oh, and by the way, the title for this entry is from another Tragically Hip song, "Scared." I think I will see how many blog entries I can title with appropriate Hip lyrics.
Oh, and by the way, the title for this entry is from another Tragically Hip song, "Scared." I think I will see how many blog entries I can title with appropriate Hip lyrics.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Don't tell me what the poets are doing, those Himalayas of the mind.
I just have to say one thing. The other day, Ian and I went shopping (mostly window shopping, we're broke) and I found the new two disk Tragically Hip greatest hits album for $13.99. $13.99!! Can you believe it?? I couldn't. Although we were broke, I turned on the siren of frustration till Ian gave in and let me buy it. I've been listening to nothing else since, and I'm still not sick of it. I LOVE the Hip, I must say. Ever since I grew out of that nasty New Kids on the Block phase I went through, the Hip have been my constant companions, and I've seen them live several times. This new album has all my favourites, plus some of the newer stuff that I haven't had a chance to fall in love with, hence the name "Yer Favourites."
Oh! Also! My baby is so smart! Today I was cuddling her (mostly against her will) and I mentioned something about having an itchy nose...so she shoved her finger up my nose. I was curious about it, so I said "Mary, where is Mummy's nose?" and she did it again. Then I asked her about my eyes, ears, mouth, and nose again, and she pointed to all of them! Where did she learn that? Not from me, I've been too busy singing along with the Hip and playing Urban Dead online to spend any time with my child.
Oh! Also! My baby is so smart! Today I was cuddling her (mostly against her will) and I mentioned something about having an itchy nose...so she shoved her finger up my nose. I was curious about it, so I said "Mary, where is Mummy's nose?" and she did it again. Then I asked her about my eyes, ears, mouth, and nose again, and she pointed to all of them! Where did she learn that? Not from me, I've been too busy singing along with the Hip and playing Urban Dead online to spend any time with my child.
The Sound of Frustration
Mary makes this noise when she's frustrated. I can only describe it as "shrieking siren." Since she is often, almost constantly, frustrated these days I am getting close to gouging out my eardrums with a pencil so I don't have to hear it anymore. She shrieks when she's hungry, when she's not hungry, when I take something away, when I give her something, when I pick her up, when I put her down. This morning she was howling away in the other room and I went to check up on her. She was sitting on a blanket, and yelling, no, shrieking at it because she wanted to pick it up. Nggh. Constantly frustrated. She also does the "limp, wet noodle" move. When she's doing something naughty, and I pick her up, she arches her back, screeches, lifts up her arms above her head and then goes completely limp. Try holding on to 23 pounds of limp noodle.
Really, it isn't that bad. Most of the time she's actually quite happy and a joy to be around. Yesterday her favorite toy was a pair of Ians underwear that she dug out of the laundry basket and hung around her neck. She was so proud of them, and no matter how hard I tried to hid them, she dug them out again and came marching proudly into the living room with her head through the leg hole. Unfortunately today she's discovered my brassiere. Cute.
Anyways, I'm getting close to making the siren shriek of frustration myself here. Ians work is really starting to drive me crazy. I'd really like to know what is going on. The latest rumour is that they are not going to California after all, but this is just rumour that he heard from one of his coworkers. The problem is that most of the information that gets shared with the guys is done at lunch. Ian doesn't go out for lunch every single day, he brings his own (cheaper, you understand) so he misses out on everything. He is going to corner the foreman and find out exactly what the hell is happening today. I will be most pleased if he does not end up going to the states for 15 weeks, but I am concerned that he won't have a job come February, which would be even more catastrophic.
Really, it isn't that bad. Most of the time she's actually quite happy and a joy to be around. Yesterday her favorite toy was a pair of Ians underwear that she dug out of the laundry basket and hung around her neck. She was so proud of them, and no matter how hard I tried to hid them, she dug them out again and came marching proudly into the living room with her head through the leg hole. Unfortunately today she's discovered my brassiere. Cute.
Anyways, I'm getting close to making the siren shriek of frustration myself here. Ians work is really starting to drive me crazy. I'd really like to know what is going on. The latest rumour is that they are not going to California after all, but this is just rumour that he heard from one of his coworkers. The problem is that most of the information that gets shared with the guys is done at lunch. Ian doesn't go out for lunch every single day, he brings his own (cheaper, you understand) so he misses out on everything. He is going to corner the foreman and find out exactly what the hell is happening today. I will be most pleased if he does not end up going to the states for 15 weeks, but I am concerned that he won't have a job come February, which would be even more catastrophic.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
De-Lurk
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. This week is apparantly delurking week, so, if you read my little blog, comment and say hi!
So...Confused...
I have a question. What does it say about your countries value system when they won't show the film Brokeback Mountain because it's offensive (??) but they happily play a film that delights in having the most gratuitous violence and gore to date (The Hostel)? Seriously. I mean, I will happily admit that Brokeback Mountain doesn't appeal to me all that much, but not because I find it offensive. The Hostel, however, strikes me as extremely offensive, but I won't argue with your right to immerse yourself in that tripe, if it's your thing.
Here is a bit of a review that was in New York Times -
Huh. And somehow bigotry, misogyny and senseless violence is so much more acceptable and less offensive than a love story between two cowboys.
Here is a bit of a review that was in New York Times -
Inspired by the brutal exploitation pictures of the 1970's and the nasty new breed of Asian horror films, "Hostel" is motivated by an adolescent urge to shock. And while it's true that no civilized person will remain unscathed by the film's relentless bigotry - this is one of the most misogynistic films ever made - Mr. Roth's gory spectacles are too calculated to deliver the transgressive jolts they so obviously seek.
Huh. And somehow bigotry, misogyny and senseless violence is so much more acceptable and less offensive than a love story between two cowboys.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
The Chair
Here she is enjoying her new chair. I really hope that now that she has her own chair she will stop climbing up onto the couch.
Well, my mood isn't much better today than it was Saturday. I'm not coping well (that's a phrase I learned from all the mental health folk that harassed me after Mary was born) with the idea of Ian going away. I feel bad for him, really. I don't mean to take it out on him, but I am. I'm moody, and mean until I catch myself. I know he doesn't want to go away, but he's all together too excited about the whole thing for my liking.
Saturday night, however, was fabulous. Paradise Lost went very well, full of misery and angst for me. I got to act out one of my characters symptoms because of the intense misery. Even with the personal issues, the game as a whole was more peaceful than any of the other games yet. The Divine had a meeting and unofficially adopted the motto "Building Bridges with the Infernal," and we really did try. After the game we all went out to BP's for geeking and chat, which was so much fun. I don't get out with that group of friends as often as I wish I did, so I really value the one Saturday night a month that I do get. I'll have to figure things out so that I can still attend when Ian is far far away.
We finally picked up Mary's birthday present last night. We got her a little plastic easy chair with a plaid cushion. It's not exactly what I had wanted, but everything else was branded with one Disney character or another, and I really didn't want that. Anyways, we put it together last night(it was tough, velcro the cushion to the plastic), and when she discovered it this morning she was in heaven. She sits on it and kicks her feet like crazy, then she stands up and shouts at me in delight, then she sits back down. The only time she left the chair was to grab a toy to drag over to the chair, and to eat her breakfast. I'm glad it's such a hit.
Saturday night, however, was fabulous. Paradise Lost went very well, full of misery and angst for me. I got to act out one of my characters symptoms because of the intense misery. Even with the personal issues, the game as a whole was more peaceful than any of the other games yet. The Divine had a meeting and unofficially adopted the motto "Building Bridges with the Infernal," and we really did try. After the game we all went out to BP's for geeking and chat, which was so much fun. I don't get out with that group of friends as often as I wish I did, so I really value the one Saturday night a month that I do get. I'll have to figure things out so that I can still attend when Ian is far far away.
We finally picked up Mary's birthday present last night. We got her a little plastic easy chair with a plaid cushion. It's not exactly what I had wanted, but everything else was branded with one Disney character or another, and I really didn't want that. Anyways, we put it together last night(it was tough, velcro the cushion to the plastic), and when she discovered it this morning she was in heaven. She sits on it and kicks her feet like crazy, then she stands up and shouts at me in delight, then she sits back down. The only time she left the chair was to grab a toy to drag over to the chair, and to eat her breakfast. I'm glad it's such a hit.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Single Parenthood
Yesterday was brutal. Mary clung to me, every minute of the day. I had to be holding her every second, or she screamed and cried. I tried to enjoy it, she's never been overly cuddly and I miss holding my baby sometimes, but christ. She's 23 pounts, and let me tell you, 23 pounds of limp, sobbing, dead weight baby is hard on your arms. She's still sick today, but the morning is going much better than yesterday morning, so I have hope that today will be a bit better.
We got the official word on Ians work yesterday. He will not be going to Arizona, he's going to southern California. He'll be leaving on February 4th. The job is 15 weeks. That is just under 4 months. 4 months. Let me say it again, Four. Months. He has the option of coming home for a week after he has been there for 3 weeks, but he has to pay for his own plane tickets here and back, which we will likely not be able to afford. I'm trying to be supportive, he's optimistic and excited, but all I want to do is cry. I guess it would be different if either of us had family here, but we don't. Yes, we have fantastic friends, but no matter how good of friends they are, they arent parents. I can't expect my friends to look after me the way my Mum or Dad would, or even Ian's Mum. I guess I can't complain that much. I was the one who pushed him to leave the Lube place, I was the one who found him this job, I'm the one who wants to stay home with the baby. I just don't know if I can do this. Some days I need a break from Mary by time Ian gets home after 10 hours, how am I going to do it by myself for 15 weeks?
Ian says that after this job, he will be working locally in Alberta for a few months, and then in the fall they will be going to Hawaii for another job. My Aunt and Uncle have 2 (2!!) condo's in Hawaii, so if we can swing it, Mary and I might go with him and stay in one of their places. Even if we arent on the same island, I'm not letting Ian go to Hawaii without me.
Anyways, I'm trying not to let this news drag me down, but so far, I'm not having much luck. It's a good thing that this happened after Mary's vaccines, or when the nurse asked me all those probing questions about "Mood," and "How I'm Coping" I might have broken down and been labeled Post-Partum (again). The last thing I need right now is more mental health professionals pretending they care and trying to force drugs down my throat.
We got the official word on Ians work yesterday. He will not be going to Arizona, he's going to southern California. He'll be leaving on February 4th. The job is 15 weeks. That is just under 4 months. 4 months. Let me say it again, Four. Months. He has the option of coming home for a week after he has been there for 3 weeks, but he has to pay for his own plane tickets here and back, which we will likely not be able to afford. I'm trying to be supportive, he's optimistic and excited, but all I want to do is cry. I guess it would be different if either of us had family here, but we don't. Yes, we have fantastic friends, but no matter how good of friends they are, they arent parents. I can't expect my friends to look after me the way my Mum or Dad would, or even Ian's Mum. I guess I can't complain that much. I was the one who pushed him to leave the Lube place, I was the one who found him this job, I'm the one who wants to stay home with the baby. I just don't know if I can do this. Some days I need a break from Mary by time Ian gets home after 10 hours, how am I going to do it by myself for 15 weeks?
Ian says that after this job, he will be working locally in Alberta for a few months, and then in the fall they will be going to Hawaii for another job. My Aunt and Uncle have 2 (2!!) condo's in Hawaii, so if we can swing it, Mary and I might go with him and stay in one of their places. Even if we arent on the same island, I'm not letting Ian go to Hawaii without me.
Anyways, I'm trying not to let this news drag me down, but so far, I'm not having much luck. It's a good thing that this happened after Mary's vaccines, or when the nurse asked me all those probing questions about "Mood," and "How I'm Coping" I might have broken down and been labeled Post-Partum (again). The last thing I need right now is more mental health professionals pretending they care and trying to force drugs down my throat.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Something fun for a crappy day
| Your Stipper Song Is |
 Closer by Nine Inch Nails "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I?ve got no Soul to tell" When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy. |
Purr. I won't go into how I feel when I hear that song here...Needless to say, it's the perfect choice.
Self Pity Alert
I'm sick. Again. God damn it. Why am I always sick?? I hate my immune system (or what passes for it anyways). The worst part is that Mary is sick too, again. The snot, the whining, the weeping, the demanding cuddles, then demanding to be put down, then demanding to be picked up...it just never freaking ends. Every noise she makes right now is like someone stabbing needles into my ears, even when she's laughing it hurts. The positve part is that I have the car now, so I can actually make a doctors appointment. I think it's time for that, even though I know what he'll say.
Mary had her MMR and Chickenpox vaccines yesterday, and it was awful, the worst vaccines yet. She screamed bloody murder for about 10 minutes. I had no idea they give those in the arms...her poor skinny little arms. Of course before actually poking her, the nurse filled my brain with all the horrible side effects that these vaccines could cause...encephalitis, thrombocytopenia, febrile seizures. Ugh. Oh, and she sent me home with tonnes of information about speach delay and the like, even though I told her that I'm not worried yet.
The worst part of this week so far has to be the confirmation that Ian is going to be going very far away with work, and likely very soon. I could handle Calgary, or anywhere in Canada really. But this...I'm trying to be supportive, but I'm really scared.
Well, Mary is screaming inconsolably once again, so I must sign off for now.
Mary had her MMR and Chickenpox vaccines yesterday, and it was awful, the worst vaccines yet. She screamed bloody murder for about 10 minutes. I had no idea they give those in the arms...her poor skinny little arms. Of course before actually poking her, the nurse filled my brain with all the horrible side effects that these vaccines could cause...encephalitis, thrombocytopenia, febrile seizures. Ugh. Oh, and she sent me home with tonnes of information about speach delay and the like, even though I told her that I'm not worried yet.
The worst part of this week so far has to be the confirmation that Ian is going to be going very far away with work, and likely very soon. I could handle Calgary, or anywhere in Canada really. But this...I'm trying to be supportive, but I'm really scared.
Well, Mary is screaming inconsolably once again, so I must sign off for now.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Birds!
The Waxwings have come! Every year around this time huge flocks of Cedar Waxwings decend on Edmonton, and they always come to our yard. This picture is a shot of the Rowan (Mountain Ash) tree in my front yard, and the birds just love it. They sit in the tree, stuffing themselves silly on those orange berries and driving the cats bonkers. Then they crap orange berries all over the car. This morning every tree on my street was full of the birds, and their singing echoed everywhere. I wish I could have gotten a better picture, they really are beautiful birds, but when I went outside they all flew away. The sound of hundreds of wings beating all at once is really quite amazing. I hope they come back soon!
All about Mary
Today Mary had her one year wellness check with the doctor. It went well, and she doesn't have to go back till she's 3 now. He did say that she was behind in her speach and language skills, but I find that a little hard to believe. He said that she should be able to say more words by now. I thought she was doing alright though. She says Hi!, Cat! (really it's more like Ghat!), Da-ee (Daddy), Dis (This. I think it's a question, she often says it when she finds something she likes, she will come to me, hold whatever it is up in the air, and shout Dis! at me till I respond). Apparantly she should be saying more than that. I don't know a lot of babies her age, but the ones I do know are at about the same level in speach as her, even some who are older than her are about the same. Anyways, I'm not terribly concerned.
Mary started some serious walking this weekend. I no longer count the steps that she takes, she takes so many. She doesn't have a whole lot of control when she walks, she just stands up and heads off in the direction that she's pointed until she runs into some sort of obstacle. She prefers to crawl still, but I'm sure it won't be long before she is walking all the time.
Mary's sleep schedule is all screwed up right now. Sigh. When we were in Regina my Step-Mum kept her so full of sugar that she stayed up past ten every night, and now she seems to think that although the sugar is gone, she still ought to stay up late, and sleep in late. Most parents whose kids get them up at 7am would think that I'm crazy for complaining, but it's really hard to establish a schedule and stick to it, let alone get anything done, when your baby doesn't wake till 11. That and I really enjoy my evening time with Ian after she's gone to bed. The last few nights she's gone to bed around 7:30 or 8, but she treats it like a nap, and is up and ready to go around 10:30. We just ignore her, but we can hear her talking and playing in her crib, usually till midnight. Ugh. Just as I start to doze off I hear "Hi! Hi! HIHIHI!! Cat. CAT! AGAAAAH! Dis? Hi! Daeeee. DAEEEEEE!!! MA. Dis dis dis. EEEEECat! oooooh. oooowooowooowooooooh. Agah." and then her musical bear starts singing. It's hard on my nerves.
She's eating alright. She's just learning about finger foods, which is kind of late, but it was really hard when she had that gluten problem. You don't realise how much wheat and grain we have in our diets till you have someone in your home who can't eat it. I'm so glad that she grew out of that problem. So now, she is learning about cheerio's and cookies, which she loves. It's incredibly funny to watch her eat her cheerios, she will take one in each hand, and instead of just popping them in her mouth, she nibbles at them. She will take a tiny bite of each of them, throw them on the floor, and grab two more. It's extremely messy. She's shown a lot on intrest in her spoons now too, she will grab them out of my hand, and put them in her mouth herself. I generally make sure they're empty when she does it though, I'm not quite prepared for that mess just yet. She loved her birthday cupcakes (of course, Mummy made them from scratch!), but she wouldn't feed them to herself. Anyways, we still have a lot of catching up to do on the whole eating thing, but we are getting there.
Anyways, that's all I can think of that's exciting right now. Yes, my idea of exciting has changed an awful lot since I had a baby, I know.
Paradise Lost is this weekend, and I'm looking forward to that...hmm. What else. Ian is back to work, and it's pretty lonely around here right now. The site that he's working on is winding down, which scares the daylights out of me. When theyre done here, it's likely that he will be going out of town to work. I'm trying very hard to be supportive, I don't want him to feel guilty, but I'm going to miss him quite desperately. I'm not very good at asking for help or inviting myself places either, so hopefully my friends will understand that and not let me rot by myself in the house and go so crazy that I pull out all my hair and gain 300 pounds.
Anyways, I'm back to babysitting today, so I need to get the crabapple into bed for a nap before it's too late.
Mary started some serious walking this weekend. I no longer count the steps that she takes, she takes so many. She doesn't have a whole lot of control when she walks, she just stands up and heads off in the direction that she's pointed until she runs into some sort of obstacle. She prefers to crawl still, but I'm sure it won't be long before she is walking all the time.
Mary's sleep schedule is all screwed up right now. Sigh. When we were in Regina my Step-Mum kept her so full of sugar that she stayed up past ten every night, and now she seems to think that although the sugar is gone, she still ought to stay up late, and sleep in late. Most parents whose kids get them up at 7am would think that I'm crazy for complaining, but it's really hard to establish a schedule and stick to it, let alone get anything done, when your baby doesn't wake till 11. That and I really enjoy my evening time with Ian after she's gone to bed. The last few nights she's gone to bed around 7:30 or 8, but she treats it like a nap, and is up and ready to go around 10:30. We just ignore her, but we can hear her talking and playing in her crib, usually till midnight. Ugh. Just as I start to doze off I hear "Hi! Hi! HIHIHI!! Cat. CAT! AGAAAAH! Dis? Hi! Daeeee. DAEEEEEE!!! MA. Dis dis dis. EEEEECat! oooooh. oooowooowooowooooooh. Agah." and then her musical bear starts singing. It's hard on my nerves.
She's eating alright. She's just learning about finger foods, which is kind of late, but it was really hard when she had that gluten problem. You don't realise how much wheat and grain we have in our diets till you have someone in your home who can't eat it. I'm so glad that she grew out of that problem. So now, she is learning about cheerio's and cookies, which she loves. It's incredibly funny to watch her eat her cheerios, she will take one in each hand, and instead of just popping them in her mouth, she nibbles at them. She will take a tiny bite of each of them, throw them on the floor, and grab two more. It's extremely messy. She's shown a lot on intrest in her spoons now too, she will grab them out of my hand, and put them in her mouth herself. I generally make sure they're empty when she does it though, I'm not quite prepared for that mess just yet. She loved her birthday cupcakes (of course, Mummy made them from scratch!), but she wouldn't feed them to herself. Anyways, we still have a lot of catching up to do on the whole eating thing, but we are getting there.
Anyways, that's all I can think of that's exciting right now. Yes, my idea of exciting has changed an awful lot since I had a baby, I know.
Paradise Lost is this weekend, and I'm looking forward to that...hmm. What else. Ian is back to work, and it's pretty lonely around here right now. The site that he's working on is winding down, which scares the daylights out of me. When theyre done here, it's likely that he will be going out of town to work. I'm trying very hard to be supportive, I don't want him to feel guilty, but I'm going to miss him quite desperately. I'm not very good at asking for help or inviting myself places either, so hopefully my friends will understand that and not let me rot by myself in the house and go so crazy that I pull out all my hair and gain 300 pounds.
Anyways, I'm back to babysitting today, so I need to get the crabapple into bed for a nap before it's too late.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Happy 2006
Well, it's finally 2006, or should I say, it's already 2006. What a year! I have to say that on a personal and family level, 2005 was the best and happiest year of my life. The coming of Mary was a difficult experience, and the first week of her life was pretty hard....who am I kidding, the first 3 months were incredibly hard. The fact is though, I would do it over again in a heart beat. She has brought so much to my life, and I've been happier that I can ever remember being. 2005 was a year of decisions, of learning and of hardship, but through it all Mary, the cats and Ian brought me comfort and joy. I really feel blessed that I have all of them in my life.
I'm not going to talk about 2005 on a global scale. As far as I'm concerned it was pretty dismal. Between the lingering war in Iraq, hurricanes, record gun violence in Toronto, the vote of non-confidence in the parliament, the aftermath of the tsunami and the return to violence and conflict in Sri Lanka and Indonesia, the huge earthquake in Pakistan and the difficulties there, the fact that for every natural disaster more charlatans and con men come out and attempt (much of the time successfully) to steal money from well meaning folks or the Red Cross, the blindness and ennui of the general populace of the world, let alone the USA towards the atrocities that the Western world are committing, the greed of the western world, and how we choose to help people not because they need help, but because they have something we want (Genocide in Sudan, rigged elections in Ethiopia...why doesn't anyone care? Because all they have is dust and Tef), opposition to giving gays and lesbians the same rights as the rest of us, fundamentalist christians giving the rest of Christianity a very bad name, hyper-sensitivity over terrorism (did I tell you about the 9 month old boy whose family was not allowed to get on a plane to Italy for Christmas because he was on the American governments "no fly list?"). Um. And that is only a start, as far as I can tell. Huh, I guess I did talk about it after all.
Anyways, here is hoping that both on a personal and global scale 2006 is even better than 2005 for all of us.
I'm not going to talk about 2005 on a global scale. As far as I'm concerned it was pretty dismal. Between the lingering war in Iraq, hurricanes, record gun violence in Toronto, the vote of non-confidence in the parliament, the aftermath of the tsunami and the return to violence and conflict in Sri Lanka and Indonesia, the huge earthquake in Pakistan and the difficulties there, the fact that for every natural disaster more charlatans and con men come out and attempt (much of the time successfully) to steal money from well meaning folks or the Red Cross, the blindness and ennui of the general populace of the world, let alone the USA towards the atrocities that the Western world are committing, the greed of the western world, and how we choose to help people not because they need help, but because they have something we want (Genocide in Sudan, rigged elections in Ethiopia...why doesn't anyone care? Because all they have is dust and Tef), opposition to giving gays and lesbians the same rights as the rest of us, fundamentalist christians giving the rest of Christianity a very bad name, hyper-sensitivity over terrorism (did I tell you about the 9 month old boy whose family was not allowed to get on a plane to Italy for Christmas because he was on the American governments "no fly list?"). Um. And that is only a start, as far as I can tell. Huh, I guess I did talk about it after all.
Anyways, here is hoping that both on a personal and global scale 2006 is even better than 2005 for all of us.
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