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You know, I really should stop watching the news. New Orleans is sinking, Muslim pilgrims are being trampled to death, people are dying everywhere. I saw an interview with a poor man in Alabama who lost his wife, they keep playing him tearfully describing how she told him to let go of her hand. I wonder why they wont let him grieve in peace.

With the weather these days, it amazes me that the USA (and Alberta) still seems to refuse to acknowledge that we are destroying the environment. I don't know much about Global Warming, but I do know that the weather is changing. Last year we had drought, this year we have flooding. It isn't raining in Vancouver, they are running out of fresh water. Halifax is constantly under siege by the weather, either it is 40 degrees, there is a hurricane, there is a blizzard. People died in Ontario because of the heat. Our forests are burning, our lakes are poisoned.

Of course, the most important thing in the news today is the girls at an A&W in Mission B.C. who are fighting about a lottery ticket, oh, and gas prices.

Is this really the sort of world that I want to raise a child in? I guess I haven't' got a choice.

We have a tooth!

Yes, you read right, there is finally a tooth poking through Miss Mary's gums! You cannot imagine how happy this makes me...all I needed was proof that there was a reason for her misery, and there it is. It's actually the tiniest tip of a tooth, hardly visible to naked eye yet, but it's there.

You know, I really feel like I'm getting old. Yesterday Mary and I went to the waterpark for Shani's birthday. I went on one, one waterslide, and damaged my neck so badly that I can only look straight ahead now. I suspect that I damaged myself because I was terrified, and moving far too fast. I spent much of the slide straining to sit up so I could slow myself down. Sigh. At one point in my life I used to love fast rides and waterslides. Now it seems that the older I get, the more things frighten me. By time I am 40, I will be locked in my basement with a surgical mask and latex gloves.

Slugs!

I have slugs on my Squash. Icky. I'm not certain how to deal with the gross things, but I put salt on the ones that I could find. My squash patch is so huge, there are alot of them that I just cannot get to. If there are slugs on my squash, does that mean that they are probably in my tomato plants too?

Friday baby blogging

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Tonight the Fat Lady sings

Well, this is it. Tonight is the last game of the current Purgatory installment. I have mixed feelings about it to be honest. Purgatory has been such a huge part of my life for the last year and a half, and I am going to miss it, a lot. I am looking forward to a break though, I need some time to rethink my current character. I am still having a hard time letting go of Bridget, and I think that this break will help me with that. I am really starting to enjoy my new character, Eris, and hopefully she will be even more enjoyable when we start the third and final Purgatory.

I am also looking forward to spending more time at Iain and Val's place in the next few months making my new costume. I have finally picked the pattern that I am going to make, and I'm really looking forward to it. It is a beautiful civil war day gown, it's going to be a challenge, but I suspect it might be a bit easier than the Elizabethan gown I made for Bridget. You can see a picture here.

Other than Purgatory stuff, I really haven't got a lot going on in my world. Mary is still cranky as hell, especially in the evenings. She is going to hang out with a friend tonight, I really hope she is happier than she was last night. Good news is that she has started to sleep through the night once again. Yay! I am still having a hell of a time sleeping at night though, last night I seriously thought about taking sleeping pills, but I hate to take those icky things. I'm getting to my ropes end though, I really need to sleep, and I cant think of what else to do. Any suggestions?

Oh! I know, we bought her Halloween costume yesterday. So cute! It is a plush lion, and she is going to be adorable, and warm, which is most important. I am looking forward to Halloween just so I can dress her up and show her off. Hmm. What else...I got a hair cut yesterday. Very pricey, yikes. I cut off all my lovely long hair, but I do like it. Of course, my friends had to put me in my place by commenting on my "Soccer Mum" hairdo. Sigh.

Sleep is for the weak

I feel like I am complaining a lot about my sweet girl lately, but she has entered several difficult phases all at once, and it's rough. The teething seems to have ended, although she still has no teeth. Sigh. All I really want is just one tooth, seriously, just one, and I will feel that all the screaming was for something. Her latest thing is to punish us for all those nights in the beginning that we got to sleep. For some reason, she has decided that sleeping through the night is no good. She must wake at least twice, sometimes more, through the night. I am so very tired. My immune system gave up some time between 2 and 5 this morning, so I am suffering from a brutal cold too. Yikes.

Ian buggered up his back at work last Friday, and it's still really bothering him. He went in to see the doctor again today, and I'm terrified that the doctor is going to tell him that he cant work for a while. While it would be really nice to spend more time with him, we just cannot afford him to be off work for an extended period of time.

I go babysit Jonah today for the first time in a couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to seeing him again, and seeing what new tricks he has learned. Last time his favorite things to do were standing at the screen door and shouting at passers by, and pulling himself up on the bathtub and turning on the hot water...of course, his very favorite thing to do was to steal Mary's toys.

Possibly she was right...

Maybe I am a bad mother. I sure felt like it on Saturday. You see...I had Mary on our bed, and I changed her diaper. No big deal. She's been teething, so I went to get her some Tylenol, Ian was taking her to a friends house while I went off and played Broken Wings. Anyways, I paused to tell Ian what I was doing when I heard THA-Thump! and alot of screaming. Our bed is very high. I had Mary where I didnt think she could roll off, and she didnt. She is learning to crawl, and right now she just does this backwards inchworm thing. I figured that she just inchwormed herself backwards right off the bed. I felt so horrible, I know that it is something that happens to alot of people, but I was determined that I would not allow it to happen in this house. Mary was of course fine, after I picked her up and she cried for about 3 minutes, but the effects are a bit more lasting in me. Children are an amazing source of guilt.

Aside from that, the weekend was very nice. We finally had some summer weather, which was beautiful, although it did get a little too hot yesterday. Broken wings was pretty fantastic, the players are still all over eachother, it's just a matter of time before someone dies, I think. Sunday we went over to an old frinds place for a bbq. It was a wonderful time, and she has two lovely kids, and her husband is one of the nicest guys (aside from Sweet Baboo) that I know. They have a wonderful new house of which I must admit that I am slightly envious.

Speaking of houses, we are having more problems with our little dump. Our bathtub has not drained for over a week now. We have to bail it out after every bath, cause there is something clogging the drain. We have used all sorts of liquid plumber/draino type stuff, and Ian borrowed a 20 foot snake from a plumber friend of ours. Nothing is working. I swear to god, sometimes I want nothing more than to pack up the baby and the cats and a few of my favorite things and torch the place. Not even for the insurance money, but just for the satisfaction it would give me.

A musical meme

Well, Anne has decreed that she would like me to do this musical meme. Basically, you pick five songs and their artists that you are currently into, regardless of the genre. Really, I am quite boring now, I rarely listen to anything new anymore. Sigh. Well, here it goes.

1. "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers. I really really like these guys, I got their CD while in Saskatchewan at a discount record shop, and much to Sweet Baboo's dismay, I have been listening to little else in the car every since. I know it seems to go from the land of no taxes to the land of many taxes to buy a CD, but I am a socialist at heart, and I enjoy paying taxes.

2. "Wheatkings" by The Tragically Hip (and anything else by them, to be honest). I love anything by the Hip, and I always have. This is one of my favorites, and I will always love it, especially cause it is about Saskatchewan and the David Millgard case (which I grew up hearing about). Anyways, I will always love love love the Hip, for ever and ever.

3. "Joshua Giraffe" by Raffi. Give me a break, I live with a baby. Besides, Joshua is a real classic. Where else can you sing along with lines like this..."Nothing can go wrong-o, I'm in the Congo"?

4. "I'm Afraid of Americans" by David Bowie and Trent Reznor. Yes, my friend, as are we all...(I also love anything by Mr. Bowie. He is the musical father of my daughter, who was conceived after his concert last April. David Bowie is so virile that he can impregnate a woman just by singing.)

5. "A Design for Life" By Manic Street Preachers. I came across these guys when I was in England in 1997. One of my friends over there told me that they were the "next big thing." Unfortunately, if they are, it didn't happen in North America, which is too bad, cause I really like them a lot. I haven't bought any of their CD's, primarily cause they are very very hard to find, and when you can find them, they are ridiculous expensive. No matter how much I like them, I just cannot justify spending thirty bucks on a CD.

There you have it. Apparently I am supposed to tag 5 other people who I would like to do the same thing, but I'm not gonna. I hate doing that. If anyone out there wants to do the same thing though, they are more than welcome too!

Friday baby blogging

Mary and her Grandpa.



Enjoying a cookie.

All hail Space Jesus

Several years ago while doing research for a paper on the Plymouth brethren I stumbled across a website run by a gentleman named Jack Hook. His website was in the formative stages back then, and I (possibly stupidly) commented in his guest book. Ever since then, Mr. Hook has sent me updates on the end of the world, and the coming of Space Jesus, as prophesied in the bible. The recent events in the West Bank have him all in a tizzy, and I have gotten a couple of updates recently. You can check out Mr. Hooks website here, but be prepared for a lot of gobbledygook. His basic message is that the USA and the "Harlot church" (The Roman Catholic church for those of us who aren't crazy) are run by the devil. The American occupation of the middle east has been foretold in the Bible, and the end times are here. Soon, Jesus is going to come down from space (heaven) on a golden chariot, and the Americans are going to think that he is a space alien. They will attack Space Jesus, and start the end of the world. He has all sorts of proof of this on his website, but I believe you have to be more than a touch insane to follow much of it. Anyways, Mr. Hooks advice to all of us is to turn our backs on the "Harlot Church," and don't shoot the aliens when they come, unless we do that, we will end up in Hell.

In other news, Miss Mary is still miserable. Seriously miserable. Still no teeth, please God, let there be teeth soon. At least if there were teeth, I would feel that all this screaming and drooling was for a purpose.

My trip to Regina (A relatively complaint free version)

All in all the trip to Regina went well. It was very nice to see my dad and some old friends, and it was nice for everyone to see Mary. I know that she is growing, but I see her every day, so I don't notice it as much.

We arrived on Thursday, and did, well, nothing. Just relaxed and settled in. Mary was fantastic on the flight there, she fussed a bit when we got on the plane, but I gave her a bottle as they were adjusting the pressures, and when we took off she snuggled up to me and fell asleep. She didn't wake up once the entire flight, even during the landing, which was very bumpy and very noisy. She woke up when the plane stopped, looked around, spit up on me, and we had arrived.

Friday I phoned a bunch of my friends and left messages. We had another relaxing day around the house. Mary played with her grandparents and went for a walk. Both Dad and Michael had the day off, and they really enjoyed getting to know Mary again. She hadn't slept very well the night before, so she was a little cranky, but all in all it was a nice day.

Saturday we got up early and went to the Farmers Market, and wandered around downtown for a while. Mary was alarmingly cranky when we got home, and went down for a nap...which lasted 4 hours. So...I didn't do anything Saturday afternoon. Dad had a dinner party planned for Saturday evening, and we had a lovely evening catching up with some old friends from the church and the old neighborhood that I grew up in.

Sunday morning I went to church, and it was so very nice. I really miss the church there, it is like a family. I haven't been able to find a church that gives me the same feeling since I moved to Edmonton. After church, a lady from the old neighborhood took me out and bought Mary and I a book, and then she took me to see her sons (who I grew up with). It was a nice afternoon. In the evening I went over to my friends Sandra and Rob, and hung out with them and their very cute kids. We had a nice supper of potatoes and elk steaks on the bbq, and talked a lot. They worked very hard to convince me that we should move back to Regina.

Monday I went to visit Michael at her work, wow, what a fantastic place! It is an independent living home for the elderly, and it is very nice. Needless to say at a minimum of $3000 a month, only extremely wealthy old folks can live there, and as nice as the place was, it left me saddened as I thought about all the poor old people out there living without the support that they need and deserve. Anyways, after that visit, I went and visited the girls where I used to work. The vet clinic was very very busy, so I didn't stay for long, just to say hello and introduce everyone to Mary. Monday afternoon an old friend Adrian took me out for lunch, and then I hung out with his very cool wife for the afternoon.

Monday night, Miss Mary decided to start teething in earnest. What a miserable little monster she has become. Monday night, and Tuesday morning she was extremely difficult to tolerate. Yeesh. On Tuesday afternoon we flew home, and again, she slept the entire way.

Mary learned a few things while we were away too, she has started to enjoy her baths, and she learned to SPLASH! She would splash and splash and get upset if I tried to take her out of the water, she stayed in until the water got so cold that I had to take her out. She also learned to accept water from a cup, so I have her drinking a lot of water now. The water has helped the constipation problem a tonne. The third thing she learned was to make this noise. It cannot be reproduced here, but needless to say, it makes me grind my teeth every time she does it. It is this...whiney squeal that could shatter glass.

Anyways, there you have it. My trip to Regina in a nutshell, without any complaining at all, well very little complaining anyways.

Home at last

I am so tired. I havn't got alot to say right now, other than that. The flight was long, and miserable, but I am so happy to be home I could weep.

Mary chose this weekend to start teeting, how nice for me. She has also decided for no reason to be extremely clingy with me, ALL the time.

Someone is spamming the CRAP out of my blog, and I'm getting seriously annoyed. I have deleted 5 anonymous comments with add's on my blog in the last hour. I think I am going to have to disallow anonymous comments (although I thought I already had)

I shall post more when I am not quite so tired.

Five ways to drive me insane in 48 hours or less

5. Play "Party for Two" by Shania Twain over and over and over and over...
4. Say "tsk. oh." or "tsk. hmm." every time I answer a question about how I deal with a certain situation pertaining to my daughter.
3. Interrupt me.
2. Don't let me finish my cup of tea in the morning.
1. Refer to my baby as your baby, and introduce her to people as your baby. I was the one who was split in half by forceps to bring that child into this world, I was the one who didn't sleep the entire week she was in the neonatal intensive care unit, I am her mother. She is MY baby, not yours.

On another note, living with teenagers is so much fun. Here is a conversation that I had with the boy-child upon returning home this morning.

Boy: Ah, Jennifer, is there someone you were supposed to meet with this weekend?
Me: Well Boy, there are a lot of people that I want to meet with while I'm here. I have called a few friends and left messages, but only S has gotten back to me so far.
Boy: Oh. Well, someone called, they cant meet with you.
Me: Who called, Boy?
Boy: I dunno. Someone who you were supposed to meet.
Me: didn't you write a message down, or anything?
Boy: No.
Me: Why would you not write down a message for me, Boy? There are a lot of people that I want to see this weekend, and I'd like to know who it was that called.
Boy: I dunno, I just didn't. I can *69 their phone number for you if you want.
Me: (Insert sound of teeth grinding here)

I swear, I will have more positive things to say about this visit once I get home, but right now, I'm ready to tear my hair out. Please, wont someone tell me that I'm a good mother...I am really feeling like I'm not, and it's horrible.

And so it begins

I know I said I likely wouldnt be blogging while in Regina, but I must have lied.

I am spoiling my baby by picking her up when she cries, and she will soon turn into an absolute monster. I am also not letting her exercise her lungs enough (???!!!) by not allowing her to scream. What the hell? There's more, but I cant coherently type out the things that have been said yet. Oh well.

Other than that the visit is going well, it seems that Mary has chosen this time to begin teething in earnest, yay! She was fantastic on the flight here though, she slept the entire time, even through the landing (which was noisy and very very bumpy.)

Friday baby blogging on Wednesday

I'm doing this today because I will be in Regina on Friday. I'm looking forward to the visit, I've missed my Dad quite a bit, and it will be nice to go home for a little while and relax. I am worried about bringing Mary on the plane, I'm going to miss Ian, and I am concerned about my fathers wife. Michael is a very nice woman, don't get me wrong, but she is...Well...Bossy is a good word for it. Incredibly pushy is another good phrase to use. Michael uses two separate attacks, there is the "I am so nice that you will hardly notice the horrible passive aggressive way I am telling you that you're doing that wrong," and there is the "you're wrong, and I will tell you exactly what you should be doing." I prefer the second tact, it's less painful, and easier to fight against, but since I had Mary, she has been more and more passive aggressive. You see, she has 3 teenaged children (don't get me started on the outcome of her parenting methods), and she feels that she knows everything. I can handle advice, but what really bothers me is when she implies that I am wrong when I'm dealing with my baby. She is my child, and I will do what I feel is best for her. I've said as much, but it falls on deaf ears. My father is a wonderful man, but he is terribly henpecked, he mostly just stays quiet, and does what he wants. I cant see him standing up and telling Michael to leave me be, he knows that she would make his life miserable if he did.



Anyways, I will not be blogging from tomorrow till Tuesday, as I will likely not have access to a computer, and I will be too busy running around Regina and visiting my old friends.

I should have known better

I really, really should have. I got my hopes up, what a stupid mistake. We are lower middle class, so trapped in debt that there is no way we could ever scramble out, and it seems that is where the world wants us. No one will pay for my schooling, no one will even give me a loan. That means that in 2 months, my only option (aside from working retail at $7/hr) is to go back to that hellhole of a job. You know the one that stressed me out so much that my bloodpressure shot through the roof and I had to be put on bed rest for the last 2 months of my pregnancy. The one where the boss ordered my 8 month pregnant co-worker to shovel the walks. When I go back to work, I will be bringing home even less than I am now after paying for daycare, for someone else to raise my daughter, not to mention that I will be miserable. There is no way I will ever make more money without getting an education, and there is no way for me to get an education. We cant even afford to save money so Mary doesnt end up in the same boat. I guess if there werent poor people, then the rich people wouldnt feel so special, right? I have some other thoughts about visible minorities that I will keep to myself right now, I dont like being racist, but at times like this, it is hard not to resent the fact that if I were Native, I would have people climbing over eachother to pay for my schooling. I just cant seem to stop crying right now, I think Im going to go back to bed.

What willpower?

The weekend was nice, although quick. There was Purgatory on Friday night, a pretty fantastic night, all around, although I have to say that unless you were one of a few characters, there wasn't much to do beside move from dramatic even to dramatic event and watch (not that I am complaining at all, Emmett). Saturday night was Trent's Kingdom Come event, Paradise Lost. It was most pleasant, although my nerves were out of control before I got there and started to play. I am still somewhat intimidated by a lot of the people who play in that game, so I get pretty nervous. Trent was super nice though, and not at all scary, I guess I am getting more used to that crowd. Some people who know me may not realize how terribly shy I am. On Sunday Ian and I hung out, did some cleaning around the house, went grocery shopping (another $200.00, Christ Almighty), and drank tea. Unfortunately, I forgot my new rule that I will not drink tea after noonish, and I was up till 4am.

Today Shani and I went to NAIT to drop off my paperwork for school. It turns out that I need to make an appointment to drop off the paperwork, so, I made the appointment for Wednesday morning. Hopefully they wont mind if I bring Miss Mary, cause, well, I am going to have too. After that, we went to the mall to fix my glasses, and spend too much money. I bought a cute little outfit for Mary at The Children's Place, I can't wait till the winter when she will fit into it. I shouldn't have bought it, but I couldn't help it. I have absolutely no willpower when it comes to cute pink dresses.

Anyways, I haven't much else to talk about today, getting mentally and emotionally prepared for the pane ride with Mary on Thursday. I really really hope she is a good girl...

An Ugly Anniversary

It was sixty years ago today that the first atomic bomb ever used was dropped on Hiroshima. The last atomic bomb ever used was dropped on Nagasaki 3 days later. Have people learned anything, I don't think so. Have people forgot how horrible it really was, yes, I think we have. In 2003 the airplane that dropped the bomb on Hiroshima was put on display at an aviation museum in Virginia. The plaque beneath it stated that it was used to drop the first ever atomic bomb, but made absolutely no mention of the two hundred thousand people who were killed by that bomb. India and Pakistan are currently testing their nuclear weapons, although they have signed an agreement to warn each other when, so they don't end up having an "accidental war." Disarmament talks in the UN collapsed earlier this year, North Korea is happily creating nuclear weapons.

I don't think that this anniversary is very well known amongst most people, particularly people from my generation. It isn't in the news that much, and where it is, it is mostly just a side note. I hope that more people pay attention to what happened then, and how scary things are now. I really hope that everyone takes just a minute out of their busy Saturday to think about those 200,000 people who were killed in an instant, I know I will be.

Linking for dummies

So, I have figured out how to link things, I think. I'm a little sad that I couldn't figure it out till now, it's pretty darned easy. Oh well, I never claimed to be bright.

Anyways, we decided to go to BP's last night for some pre-Purgatory geeking. We didn't stay long, as Ian had stayed late at work, and Mary was a little cranky. Actually, a little is understating it. When Ian put her carrier into the car he said something to her which she took offense to. Such great offence that she screamed the entire way home. Seriously, the entire way. Did you know that a 10 minute drive can feel like it is taking 5 hours when you have a wailing infant in the back seat? Every cell in my body was striving to comfort her, but I couldn't do anything. I thought about telling Ian to pull over, so I could climb into the back seat, but first we were on roads where there was nowhere to pull over, and then, once we were able to pull over we were in neighborhoods that...Well...Only people who are looking for a particular type of service that can only be found on street corners pull over. By time we got home, I was practically weeping. Of course as soon as the car stopped and I picked her up, she grinned at me through her tear stained face.

Well, I should go and get myself prepared for the night ahead. It should be full of interesting shenanigans to say the least.

Friday baby blogging

Wait a minute, thats not a baby, is it? But aren't they handsome beasts? 

...Part two

This is Miss Mary doing her turtle impression. Sometimes, as she is sucking on her lower lip, she will razz too, and slobber goes everywhere. 

Guns

I know, I know, I said that I would stop going to those forums with all those crazy women, but every once in a while I pop in to see if there is anything relevant to my life there. Every time I do, I just get annoyed. It really never ceases to amaze me how many of the women on that forum reinforce the negative stereotypes of Americans that I have built up over the year. The most recent thread that has made me shake my head is about guns. It was started by a woman who was quite proud of the fact that she has always kept a gun in her car(!!) and one in her home as well, and she was wondering what other mothers have guns, and what they will do when their babies get a little older, as in will they get rid of their guns, or what. Wow. So far there are 18 or so responses, and except for 2 or 3, everyone else says they have a gun, and are happy with that. One woman told us how she reamed out her sons teacher for telling the class that guns are dangerous. Well duh! Of course they are freaking dangerous! Anyways, another one was puzzled about people who keep their guns locked up, how do you get to the gun to shoot someone if you have to open a safe?

I have never understood the American "right to bear arms." If you look at the number of gun deaths in Canada compared to the USA, it's quite amazing. We have strict gun laws here, and although a lot of people don't like them, it does make a difference. The American government is constantly complaining about B.C.'s pot, but I really don't think that our marijuana kills as many Americans as their guns kill Canadians, though I could be wrong. I read this week that over 50% of the illegal guns in Canada are smuggled in from the US, and now the American senate is passing a law to protect people who sell guns from wrongful death lawsuits. Even the gun dealers who are blatantly irresponsible in selling guns without background checks, or even checking a persons ID, for that matter.

I was in the military, I know how to fire a rifle, I have fired a rifle on several occasions. I have a healthy respect for guns, and you know what, I do thinks guns are bad, and dangerous. Some people argue that guns are a tool, and no more dangerous than any other tool, and I seriously disagree. Very few tools, even those that can kill you if used improperly, are designed for the express purpose of killing a person. Yes, there are tools that can be used as weapons, but a gun is a weapon, nothing else.

Thinking

So, Goody (I would totally make her name into a link if I knew how), a most prolific blogger has often waxed on the state of mental health care in the United States. I have learned quite a bit that frightens me about the way things are down south, and I thought I would share some of my own experiences and thoughts here.

I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, when I was quite young. I clung to this diagnosis, it made me special, and it explained why nothing was my fault. I was quite pleased to know that I, like many other people out there, had something wrong with me. Now I know that I probably was not depressed, I was a teenager, I was lazy, and I wanted an excuse. Anyways, I ended up moving away before they could prescribe me medications, but any time I ran into trouble, I comforted myself with the knowledge that "It's not my fault, I'm mentally ill." A couple of years ago, when I was about 24, I went to my doctor and complained that I had a headache, and was tired. He asked me a couple of questions (Do you sometimes feel like you can't accomplish things? Are you often tired? Do you cry sometimes?), and diagnosed me with depression again, and prescribed Effexor. No, he didn't think that perhaps I was a little stressed out, as I had recently moved to a different city, and started a new job. He didn't ask if I had someone to talk too, nope, just prescribed the drugs, and sent me on my way.

So, I started to take the effexor. Yikes. That was a trip. The only way I can describe the first two weeks of taking that stuff was that I had stepped sideways. It was like I was totally out of sync with the rest of the world, I didn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I was constantly jittering. Eventually these side effects faded, but if I missed a pill by even an hour, I was heaving my guts up over the porcelain throne. Then one day, after about 2 years of taking the stuff, I decided I didn't want too. I still feel the withdrawal effects, though they are tolerable now. I really thought I was going insane, it was like someone was electrocuting my poor brain, my skin crawled constantly, and I had fainting spells. I actually went to my doctor and told him I thought I may be addicted to the drugs, and he said "No no, Effexor isn't addictive, although it does have some mild withdrawal side effects at times." Oh My God! How can something not be addictive, but have such terrible withdrawal symptoms that after a week, you want to take a whole bottle to make it stop.

After the wee fuss-pot was born, I had problems again. It was well known by my health care practitioners that I had problems with depression in the past, so they were watching me and counting the days till I cracked. I admit that I went a little crazy after Mary was born, but it turned out that I was able to work through it by altering my behavior, eating, and getting out of the house...Of course those things didn't happen till after I was prescribed two different antidepressants. According to Goody, if I were in the USA, they could have forcibly medicated me, or even worse, locked me up and sent Social Workers to watch Mary. It kind of blows me away.

One last thought, apparently they are starting to diagnose men with Post-Partum Depression. Um. Can men actually be post-partum without some sort of surgery?

Smells

Some people smell. Some, like my sweet baboo, smell nice, even after a long day at work. Some people, like all 3 of the gentlemen who sat in front of me on the bus today smell really really bad. Really bad. The first time was my fault, I wasnt looking where I was sitting. So, I sat, and after about 30 seconds, the scent of stale urine, cigarettes and booze wafted over me. I tried not to breathe too deeply, and turned my face away. Thankfully, that fellow got off the bus after about 5 blocks. The next one smelled of booze, fresh booze, and oddly enough, pencil shavings. Not that bad, some might say, but when he lifted his arm to ring the bell at his stop....I nearly cried. The third, and thankfully final fellow smelled similar to the first, but with something else mixed in there. I think it was poo. I am actually quite certain that it was poo. I was so very happy when we got to my stop, and I had been sufficiently reminded of why I do not take the bus anymore.

Unfortunately, I may end up taking the bus more often come September. I have applied, and been accepted to a Nursing Attendant program. The program lasts 17 weeks, three full time days a week. I'm quite excited about it, as the starting pay is much much more than I could ever hope to make working where I was before. The only stumbling block is finances, and the woman who accepted my application is fairly certain that EI will pay for it, along with giving me a healthy monthly allowance to cover bills and daycare. Wow. I am trying not to get my hopes up, but it's pretty hard, this is something that I really want to do, and all of a sudden, it is attainable.

You'd think I'd know better

The time is currently 1 AM. Mary is sitting on the bed with her father right now, giving her favorite rattle what for. She yells at it "Ayah, mmmmmmbuah ayahLALALALA! DA! aaaaaaahhhhhhheh." She will then punctuate her sentence by shoving the rattle in her mouth drooling on it and shouting around it, then holding it in both her hands and shaking it like crazy. The rattle has a lesson to learn, and Mary is going to teach it.

It's my own fault, I know this. Every single time I decide to brag about what a good girl she is, and how she sleeps through the night, every time, she does this. Without fail. You would think that I would have learned something, but no. I apparently need the same talking too as that rattle, minus the drooling part, I hope.