Yesterday was a particularly bad day. I won't go into it too much here because I know I'll sound crazy and desperate for attention and pity. I'm feeling a little crazy and out of control in a very bad way to be honest, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. Once I figure it out, maybe I'll let you know, maybe I won't. Needless to say, I'm lonely, unhappy, and bordering on scaring myself (check that, I crossed the scaring myself line yesterday). Certain people in my life aren't helping by dumping their own issues on my door, making me feel like even worse of a mother than I already do (which is pretty awful, given the thoughts I've been having about the newest member of our family), and essentially blaming me and my children for their marital problems.
By the way, I hope no one who does take anti-depressants was offended by my last post (Mary). I know that those drugs do help a lot of people. My problem is when you go to the doctor, say "I'm feeling a little sad" and they immediately put you on powerful, mind altering drugs. I also don't like the trend of medicating pre-schoolers for things like depression, ADHD, and bi-polar disorder. In my opinion, toddlers are by nature bi-polar, hyper, and attention deficient, and they shouldn't be drugged for any of those things.
So, I haven't much else to say. This past week I have baked more cinnamon buns, a beautiful apple blueberry pie (I despise making pastry, but man I'm good at it!), graham crackers for Mary and today I will bake some more bread to go with the beef barley stew I'm making for supper tonight. I think this weekend I will start baking sugar cookies to send to Ian's work, to give to the many families with kids that live on our block, and to stuff my sorrows with. Sugar cookies have to be better than the bottle of coconut rum in the liquor cabinet, right?
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Various observations on life from inside the invisible jail of motherhood.
3 comments:
bah, I am not easily offended, and wasn't offended at all. I believe that your rant was entirely in the right direction. I don't like how drug companies are attempting to find ways to 'normalize' children when it's not necessary.
don't worry dearie. life gets better. it always does.
I think it is better to bake your way out of depression, rather than take antidepressants (although, being baked might be oh so nice.. hehehe)
I am awfully sorry you are feeling so unhappy, I wish I could come and give you a couple hundred hugs and wave my magic wand and move your lovely house to this side of the border. Moving away from everyone is so painfully hard and, while it does get better, it can take awhile.
As for those people blaming you for their problems, tell 'em to go hang...you aren't responsible for their misery. I may not know much about raising babies but I know for sure (despite how you may feel on occasion) that you are a great Mom.
My Mom always said that children are both the hardest and easiest people to love, depending on what time of day it is. Anyone who tells you different is lying.
Hugs!!
I was reading baby blues the other day and the comment was "the trouble with parenthood is that the years are short, but the days are long"
everyone finds their kids aggravating sometimes. steph is right, you're an excellent mom. looooove you.
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