Monday, October 30, 2006


Hello there! I've finally gathered the energy to sit down and wiggle my fingers over the keyboard in an attempt to discuss my vacation. You can see pictures over at Mary's Blog if you're interested.

Okay. The trip to Regina for Thanksgiving was nice. Mary handled the 8 hour drive there very well, although by the end she was pretty glad to be out of the car. We had a nice time there, got Mary a new bed (the one she had was falling appart due to hard use), and ate tonnes of food. On the trip home, Mary did not do so well. She had been stuffing herself the whole weekend, and the days of too much rich food caught up with her shortly after we left Saskatoon when she barfed all over herself and the back seat of the car.

The day after we got home from Regina, Mary and I hopped on a plane to Abbotsford. The flight went well, and all I have to say is Thank GOD for Westjet. They have extra leg room, and sattelite tv's in the back of every seat. Mary was fully entertained for the whole trip by watching Animal Planet.

We had a great time in B.C. visiting my mum and my family. We took the ferry to Victoria to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin over there. On the ferry back to Vancouver, travelling with Mary was like travelling with a rock star. There were several tour busses of Japanese folk of all ages travelling that day, and they all loved Mary. The teenage girls asked if they could have their pictures taken with her. The old people followed her around snapping pictures of her and picking her up and passing her around. She loved the attention, and I was a little concerned that she would end up in Japan.

The most exciting part of my trip was my first day in B.C., I think. I hadn't been feeling well, really quite unwell to be honest. My period was a little late, and there had been some strange action down there over the Thanksgiving weekend. So, I decided to pee on a stick. Yup. I'm pregnant again. I was excited at first, until I remembered how miserable being pregnant is. I won't go into the gory details, but suffice it to say, Morning Sickness is a serious misnomer.

I started to tell Mary that there's a baby in my belly, and at first she was puzzled, and would look into my pockets and under my shirt. Now she just grins and points at my belly and shouts "Baaaaaaaa-Beee!" I'm sure she has no idea what's going on, but I want to get her used to the fact before the baby comes in June.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I'm Baa-ack!

Hi there everyone!

I'm back! I had a lovely trip, although two weeks was about a week too long. I'm still getting everything organized and settling in, but in a day or two I will have my thoughts organized enough to show you some pictures and tell you some stories about my time in the Fraiser Valley. Oh, and tell you some other exciting stuff too!

Okay, I must get back to catching up on my blog reading. Two weeks away from the internet nearly killed me.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Baby Blogging



Mary's new favourite spot is in the toy box, after she empties it of almost all toys, of course.

Well, I'm not sure when I will blog again. Mary, Ian and I are hopping in the car and driving 8 hours to Regina for Thanksgiving, and driving back on Monday. Then Mary and I are hopping on a jet plane and flying to Vancouver, where we will visit with my Mum, brother and various other family members for 2 weeks. So, take care, I'll miss you all, and I will have pictures and stories when I get back on the 24th! Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


The post I made a few days ago on the young woman who murdered her baby has gotten a lot of comments, and not all of them were agreeing with me. I certainly didn't expect people to see my point of view, in fact, it was one of those posts that gave me butterflies when I posted it. I was concerned that people out there would be offended by my point of view. Some were, but everyone who commented here was nice and polite. Someone just posted a comment that I wanted to adress more fully though.

Okay, I'll bite...

How, then, do you fathom that a sane woman kills her child, KNOWING it is wrong, and being 100% sane. How can you be sane and kill your baby?

Those who know me to be quick to judge on just about every aspect of life and politics. But after what I went though this past year I have to have some sympathy for any mother that finds a way to rationalize killing their baby.

If you think you are disturbed by it imagine living with killing your baby for the rest of your life.

I have met women who can not be alone in a room with their children, and haven't been able to do so for years. These women are suffering from a far more real thing than any one who hasn't been there can imagine. And when we would meet, their sorrow was like a giant elephant in the room.

Compared to them, I was lucky. But I am also very aware that I was not only not myself, but I was unable to come back from a very scary, and very real place. And again, those who know me know me to have an iron will.

Perhaps it is overdiagnosed, but PPD is real, and while I don't condone killing babies I think its incredibly dangerous dismiss it entirely. Remembering of course that there are only a few extreme cases... And probably EVERY time depression related murder happens it gets reported by our wonderfully oversensationalist media.

I am also sad that there is no longer any funding in Mental Health for PPD. In our community the breif intervention clinique has been closed, leaving women who are suffering after they have a baby with a THREE WEEK WAITING LIST to get help. This is disturbing to me because had I waited 3 weeks God only knows how much further down the road I would have been.

I have chosen to see a Naturapath for my remaining symptoms, which costs alot of money and requires a ridiculous amount of commitment. Not every one has that luxery. And while I have been strictly synical until now about anti-depressants I think its that attitude that keeps people who really need the drugs from taking them... and that's how this shit happens.

Woh! I just started typing and this all just came out! Sorry about that... Its just a really really complex issue and some of the general disdain in the other comments were just to black and white for me.

Nice Blog my friend. Its my first visit!

I really have to adress the first sentance: "How, then, do you fathom that a sane woman kills her child, KNOWING it is wrong, and being 100% sane. How can you be sane and kill your baby?"

Really, when you put it that way, can you be sane and kill anyone? And that is my point in a nutshell. This girl killed her baby, and I really don't think that it ought to be seen as any different than if she killed her brother, her mother, her neighbour, a stranger on the street or five Amish girls in a one room school. Murder is murder. Yes, it's tough for new mothers, and maybe there ought to be more funding out there for PPD. Though in my experience the moment someone thought that I might have PPD, I wasn't left alone for months. The fact is, this girl wasn't willing to look for help, due to whatever reason. Not three weeks, not three days, not even 3 hours.

Now, don't get me wrong. I feel for the girl, really I do. I can't imagine what happened to her to make her think that her only choice was to wrap her underwear around her newborns neck and toss him over the fence into the neighbours yard. I can't imagine that her life will ever be easy, in or out of jail, she will have to carry the knowledge that she killed her baby forever. I certainly don't believe that her family is blameless. I would hope that if Mary were to ever get herself pregnant, one, she would feel able to speak with Ian and I about it, and two, if she chose to keep it a secret, we would be involved enough in her life that we would notice that something was up.

I think that mental illness, while it is a very real and terrible thing, is too often used as an excuse. Be it the nurse in Northern Alberta who poisoned and stole from her fellow employees for months before getting caught, to the young mother who murders her baby, to the US Congressman who writes inappropriate emails to teenage pages and blames being abused when he was a child. People need to take responsibilites for their actions, and need to learn to deal with the consequences. We all live through trauma, we all suffer and survive and carry on with our lives. The vast majority of us know the difference between right and wrong, and should be able to control our impulses.

Monday, October 02, 2006

What a Deal!

Attention people with cat allergies! (I immediately thought of you when I read this, Raven). Do you wish you could have a cat in spite of horrible allergies? Do you have $4000 US laying around just waiting to be spent? Well, have I got the deal for you! Scientifically proven hypoallergenic cats!

Cats and Gods

Ah, the struggles of napping time...will they ever end? If this past weekend is any indication then I have serious doubts.

Saturday was a rough day for Mary. We had Purgatory Friday night, and didn't pick her up until close to 3 AM. Of course she woke up when we packed her into the car, and she grinned and chatted with us the whole way home from Sherwood Park. She slept in some on Saturday, but refused to nap. We were going to go over to a friends place to hang out with a group and watch movies, but after a long and miserable day, Mary passed out in her fathers arms at 5:30. We decided to stay in. Sunday was much of the same. Yelling and misery all day, no nap, and an early bedtime. So far today she has been relatively cheerful, but she is currently in her bedroom, supposedly napping. What she is doing instead is knocking on her bedroom door and saying "Hi! Hi! Mummy? DADDY! Hi! (mumblemumblemumble) Hi! Mummy? CAT! CAT!! GOD! nose. ow. uh oh. uh oh. UH OH! HI! GOD! spoon. (mumblemumblemumble) Ha! HA! uh oh. No. No. NO! Mummy? nononono. DADDY! wow. wheeeeee. Cat. GOD!" She's been doing that running monologue for the last hour and a half now. I'm begining to think that naptime is once again a bust today.