Saturday, December 31, 2005

One Year Ago Today...

After a decent night of dozing, I woke up at about 6:30 or so feeling...strange. I lay there in my bed frowning for a while, before I woke Ian. "I think I need to push" I said, and he said "don't do that!" He called in a nurse, and after a quick check of my cervix she announced that I was 9.5cm dilated, and please don't push just yet. Soon, but not yet. That was not what I wanted to hear. The need to push was becoming overwhelming. After about ten minutes I started crying...not because it hurt, the epideural made sure of that, but because I didn't think I could stop myself from pushing for much longer. Once again Ian called a nurse, and my cervix was checked, and I was told that I could push with the next contraction.

I started pushing, and man, it was hard work. As I pushed, Ian held my hand, and kept me company. My doctor was called. When Doctor Brown came in and checked things out about 45 minutes after I started pushing, he could feel the baby's head, round, and high up. After an hour of pushing, she hadn't budged. After 2 hours of pushing, she hadn't budged. Dr. B. decided that it was time for some intervention.

First they tried the vacuum, which is supposed to be gentler than the forceps. It was a huge suction cup that they apply to the baby's head, and then they yank. Dr. B had the resident do it, and I swear, if the suction had gone suddenly, she would have gone through the wall she was pulling so hard. She yanked for a while, and when they checked....the baby's head was round, and exactly where it had been. By this point there were 3 NICU nurses, 2 Labour and delivery nurses, an Anestheiologist, my Dr., the Resident, and Ian in the room. It was getting crowded.

Obviously the Vacuum was not going to work, so Dr. B pulled out the forceps, held them aloft (I kid you not) and announced "These have saved more lives than penicillin. He wouldn't let the resident use the forceps though, they are a little more tough to handle. As he applied the forceps, I finally felt it...all the way through the drugs, and it hurt. They also had to do the episiotomy at that point.

I don't really remember much of the next 10 or 15 minutes, I was incredibly focused in getting that child out of me. Ian was proud of the help that he did, but I can't remember it at all. Honestly, he could have been making out with the cute nurse in the corner, and I wouldn't have noticed.

Finally Mary Beatrice Elizabeth was born. The NICU nurses grabbed her away from the Dr. to check her out and to clean her up while I was being stitched back together. I think this part was the scariest for me, the baby hadn't made any noise at this point, and one of the nurses came over to tell me that she was shocky, her blood pressure was a little off, and that she had a huge haematoma on the back of her head because of the vacuum. Then the nurse handed me a baby, all swaddled up, and told me that I could hold her for a couple of minutes, and that I should kiss her.

I can't describe the feeling when she finally left my body...after all that work and discomfort, it was worth every second just to see her precious, beat up and bruised little face. I know it's clichee, but I really did love her from the instant I set my eyes on her, and every day, I fall more and more in love. It was hard at first, she spent another week in the Neonatal ICU, and when we first brought her home we didn't know what to do with her, but she's been patient (relatively) and she's taught us everything we need to know.

Happy Birthday, Mistress Mary. I love you more than words can express, and I cannot wait to see what surprises you are going to bring us this year. You are such a joy to me, I cannot imagine life without you.

Happy Birthday Mary! Posted by Picasa

Mary and Daddy in the hospital. Posted by Picasa

It's hard to believe that she was ever this small. Posted by Picasa

Sleeping with Mum during her first week home. Posted by Picasa

Friday, December 30, 2005

One Year Ago....

I was still extremely pregnant, still uncomfortable, incredibly miserable, and totally exhausted. After 3 or 4 hours in the jacuzzi, I felt relaxed enough to try to sleep again. Unfortunately during the walk from the jacuzzi back to the induction room, my relaxation left me, and my uterus returned to being irritable.

Now, at this point in my life I was still planning on doing this whole thing drug free (HAH!) and when the nurse suggested morphine for the 10th time, at 4:30 am, I lost it, and started sobbing. The nurse decided to check my cervix to see if anything was actually going on, and unfortunately for me, nothing had changed. I was 2cm dialated, exactly as I had been when I got there on Wednesday afternoon. She suggested morphine again, and I quietly sobbed into my pillow.

Ian appeared about 45 minutes later. The nurse had called him at home and said "She needs a little more support than I am able to give her." I was happy to see him, but so tired and sore that I couldn't do much more than whimper. He told me not to be stupid, take the drugs and get some sleep. So, I told the nurse and she happily gave me a shot in my bottom. I was a much easier patient drugged up, you see, and she was relieved that I had finally given in. I slept for about 2 hours.

I woke up feeling...Not quite as miserable, and looked around the room. Some time during the night, the two remaining women had been taken up to labour and delivery, and I was all alone. They quickly filled the 3 beds with other women desperate to have their babies. I was confident that today would be the day I had mine.

They hooked up the pitocin IV at about 9 am. They would slowly increase the pitocin levels over the day, but the nurse told me that most women never reached the highest level of the drug, they would go into labour long before that. Yay, I thought. I'm going to have this baby!

By mid afternoon, I was up to the maximum levels of pitocin and was still feeling nothing but an irritable uterus. Occasionally they would check my cervix to find it steadfastly holding on to 2 cm. The water broke of the woman across from me. I paced up and down the halls, dragging my iv pole beside me, getting more and more miserable. Another of my room-mates went up to labour and delivery, and I have to admit, I hated her a little bit.

My friend V came to visit for a while, and she provided an excellent diversion. She brought hot Pho, and games to keep my mind off the fact that I was in pain, and still pregnant. She stayed for a few hours, and then left. Shortly after she left, the 3rd woman's water broke, and up she went to have her baby. I was all alone in the room again, and still only 2cm dialated.

At about 8 that night the resident came in, checked me out, sighed and shook her head. The induction room would be closed at 9 for the weekend, so it was time to get this show on the road. She decided that they would take me upstairs, and break my water.

I got into my own (very nice) little room in labour and delivery, settled in, and was promptly abandoned. Ian decided that he would pop home to feed the cats while we waited. There was a cot for him in this room, so we didn't know when he would be home again after things got started.

Ian left, and the Dr. came in about 10 seconds later to break the water. I was sad that Ian wasn't there, and little frightened, but it was probably for the best. The Dr. took this thing...It looked like a crochet hook, and did the deed. No one warned me that it would be as gross as it was. It was like a fountain, and I soaked the poor doctor. I was incredibly embarrassed.

After my water was broken, I began to realize that what I had been feeling since the day before was nothing. This was pain. I curled up on the bed, and whimpered some more. They tell you to breath through it, but I could hardly remember to breathe at all. Ian was gone, and I was in pain and running on 2 hours of sleep since Wednesday morning. I just couldn't handle it.

When Ian got back about half an hour later (it felt a lot longer than that) I told him that I wanted an epideural. So much for the whole natural childbirth thing, eh? Anyways, I told Ian, I told every nurse that I could see, I told my pillow, I told the fetal monitor. I want an epideural. So, finally, one of the nurses when to find the Anesthesiologist.

Dr. Quinn was the name of the man who gave me my epideural. He walked into the room and said "You won't remember any of the other nurses or doctors names you see here, but you'll remember mine, because I'm going to make the pain go away." He was arrogant, but he was correct. The giving of the epideural was an experience that I would rather have not had. I was hot, and shaking and terrified. The nurse draped herself over me to keep me hunched in the right position, and I got claustrophobic. Thank God for Ian telling the nurse to stop touching me! The needle had to be put in several times, apparently my spine has a little wiggle in it or something, and every time he poked me, I had a sharp stabbing pain in my hip. Finally he got it in, and the drugs started to flow. Thank God for those drugs.

After the epideural was placed, things got much better for me. I was tired, and I was able to doze through the night to gather some energy. My blood pressure was taken every 15 minutes, so I didn't sleep well, but at that point, anything was better than nothing, and I was able to sleep till the next morning.

To Be Continued....

Thursday, December 29, 2005

One Year Ago...

One year ago today I was pregnant. Very pregnant. Pregnant, uncomfortable, and sick to death of laying down. I had been on bedrest since a jump in my blood pressure on November 19th, and although I had often envied my cats for the life they lead, I didn't want to live life as a cat anymore. I was on the list for induction, but Christmas is a busy time for that sort of thing, and I had been waiting for a phone call since Monday.

The phone rang at 3:00 that afternoon, and it was the hospital. Could I be there before 4:00? If not, then I would have to wait, and who knows when the next chance would be...Probably not till the new year. I said yes, hung up the phone, and called Ian at work. We managed to get to the hospital by about 5 to 4. I was very excited, and very nervous. I was going to be having my baby!

The nurses got me set up in the induction room. There were four beds, and the other three were full, one girl had arrived just before we did. The doctor came, and placed "the gel" to get things started. Things were getting started! yay! Shortly after the gel was placed, I started to feel a little crampy and uncomfortable, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Ian and I hung around, talked and joked, and tried to ignore the whimpering woman in the bed across from me. The nurses would occasionally pop by to see how we were doing, and one kindly offered me an enema. I declined.

The second application of "the gel" was a few hours later. After that one I really started to feel uncomfortable. I spoke to the nurse, and she told me that my uterus was irritable. Mmhmm. The woman across from me went up to Labour and Delivery. Ian went home at around 9.

By about 11, my irritable uterus was making life quite miserable for me. I was turning into the whimpering woman. I couldn't sleep, every time I started to doze, my belly would cramp up, and I would have to change positions. The nurse strapped on the fetal monitor to see if I was having any real contractions. After about 20 minutes, she cheerily told me that it was just my uterus being irritable. At this point, I started to get irritable. By midnight I was in tears, and by 1 in the morning, I was in the Jacuzzi, where I stayed for about 3 hours.

To Be Continued on the 30th...

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

We're back!


We had a lovely (mostly) Christmas in Regina, and I just had to show you all this picture! The butterfly on her forhead is from a Christmas Cracker. Isn't she beautiful? If you'd like to see more pictures from our Christmas, you can check out Mary's blog.

Hope you all had a good Christmas, I'll post more tomorrow. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I've fallen in with the ranks of lollybloggers lately, and I'm not really certain why. There is definitely stuff going on in my life, I just haven't the energy or drive to write about them. I think that part of the problem is that I have been reading a whole lot of blogs out there written by people who are writers, journalists, university graduates...I'm feeling a little bit of blog inadequacy. I've never been terribly creative or a very good writer. I won't get into self pity mode (too much) here, but needless to say, I often feel less than bright next to some of my better educated/smarter friends. I've been overcome lately with a bit of malaise for some reason. It's not that I'm unhappy with my life, honestly, I couldn't be happier. I love where my life is right now, but, I guess I'm unhappy with myself. I always wanted to go to school, I'd like a career. It is easier to stay at home though, when I know that all I have to go back too is a 10 dollar an hour dead end job in retail if I'm lucky.

Anyways, enough with the self pity. Mary and I have been having some adventures on the bus (drug deals going down in the seat behind us), with plumbing (giant holes in the wall behind the toilet) and with Santa. We got her picture taken with the Jolly Old Fellow yesterday, and my little diva who plays it up for the camera would not smile. Not even a little. She didn't cry, she wasn't scared, but she was wide eyed and slack jawed. Until the pictures were finished. Then she smiled. Oh well. It's still pretty darned cute. We got a bunch of pictures to give to the grandparents and friends, it cost a bit, but I think it's worth it. It is her first Christmas, she won't have another. Next year will be a little more frugal with the pictures.

You know, when I get all self pitying, I just end up annoying myself. What do I have to feel sorry for myself about, really? I have family, wonderful wonderful friends for whom I am incredibly grateful, a roof over my head, food, a beautiful, healthy baby, a fabulous husband who loves me in spite of my many (a great many) flaws. I live in a fantastic country where I am safe to walk the streets without worrying about bombs, mines or guns.

So, today I read a story about a woman who was on her way to Italy with her family, for the holidays I think. Anyways, the people at the counter would not print up boarding passes because her 9 month old son was on the USA's no fly list. She thought it was funny at first until they told her that there is no way for him to get off of the list. Wow. You can read all about it here if you wish.

This week I've been getting an early start on my New Years Resolution. I hate those things, and hardly every make one, but this is something I've been trying to do for the last year, and I figured now is as good a time as any. I've turned off the T.V. I still watch some, but I'm trying to keep the tube off when Mary is up and about. I watch all together too much telly, and I don't like that Mary watches it too. I generally just keep it on for noise in the house, but I can listen to CBC1 for that, and it'll be better for my brain as well as the baby's, right? If I really do want to better myself, there are things that I can start doing at home to get things started. I'm just so incredibly lazy, it's hard sometimes.

Anyways, I guess I should sign off. We are off to Regina tomorrow (um. yay?) for the holidays, and we will be back on Tuesday afternoon (I think...the 28th, whatever day that is). I may or may not post here, depending on my mood, and whether I can fight the 3 teenagers for a moment on the computer.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, or a Happy Holiday, whichever holiday you choose to observe, or if you don't choose to observe a holiday at all...well, have a happy one anyways.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Something cute

I don't really feel like blogging today, but take a look at this, it's darn cute, and seasonal too.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Things I've Learned Today

1. With the condition our plumbing was in, it's amazing that our house has not up and floated away long ago.

2. Plumbers are incredibly messy, destructive people.

3. Plumbers are not paid to clean up after themselves.

4. Even the best baby turns into a screaming monster after only 5 hours of sleep in a night.

5. The plumbing is just the tip of the iceberg in this house.

Woe is me

I'm sick. I've got a stomach flu or something, I was up all night barfing. To say that I got a full 15 minutes of sleep would be extremely generous. Mary (who is currently screaming her lungs out) went to bed last night at 7:30. She was up at 10, midnight, 2 AM, and got up for the day at 5:30. Ian is at work. The pipes are being replaced today, for which I am thankful, but replacing the pipes is extremely noisy work, and without any water, we will be driven from the house. No napping. For either of us, though I suspect Mary will sleep in the car. I can't do that.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Friday Baby Blogging


"They" say that a bath before bed calms your baby down, but "They" have apparantly never met my child. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Christmas Memories

I read today about a poll in which families were asked what they left out for Santa. 48% said milk and cookies, 29% said just cookies, and the rest left milk, cookies, and carrots. It got me to thinking about our experiences with Santa. When we were kids, we always left out milk and cookies, and on Christmas morning we were thrilled to find that Santa raided the liquor cabinet too. He was a messy fellow, leaving crumbs all over the place, and liquor bottles scattered around the dining room table, some on their sides, some on the floor. After the first time it happened, we thought that we could minimize the mess by leaving him brandy as well as the cookies and milk, but that never worked either...Santa likes variety, and although he drank the brandy, he always got into the other stuff too. One year I was doubting that Santa actually existed, so he wrote me a letter in Chinese and that put all my doubts aside. It didn't click until years later that my Grandfather was there that year, and he was raised in China.

I've been thinking a lot about the traditions that we had when I was growing up. We were far away from all of our family, so at Christmas it was just the four of us. My parents worked so hard to make Christmas a special time for us, and it was never just about the gifts. We had rituals that we would do on and around Christmas, and it just didn't feel the same if we didn't do it just right. My Dad and I would spend a lot of time at church, and my Mum and brother would bake, and cook brunch for us on Christmas day. On Christmas morning my brother and I usually slept in (I was tired from a long night at church, I was usually there from 4 till well after midnight). When we got up we would open our stockings, and read the letter that Santa always left for us. We could tell that he was drinking, usually by the end of the letter his writing was illegible. After the stockings, we would have a quick bite to eat, and Dad and I would head back to church, while Mum and Andrew cooked brunch. When we got back from church, we would all sit around the table and eat brunch, and my dad would drink gallons of coffee. He always said "Okay, after this cup of coffee, we'll open the presents" and he always had another cup. After brunch, if the weather was nice, we would all go for a long walk through the neighborhood. Finally we would get home, and open our gifts, one at a time. Usually we would be finished with the gifts around 4 in the afternoon. After that, Mum and Dad would work on supper, Andrew and I would set the table, and clean up the living room, before checking out our gifts a little more closely. Usually we would eat supper at around 7 (we were always late eaters). By time supper was finished, and dishes were done, we were all so tired that we'd just go to bed early. The way we did it, the day seemed so long, and exciting, and fun. I can't imagine how you would make Christmas feel as special if all the gifts were opened first thing in the morning, and everyone went their separate ways.

Now we need to come up with our own traditions for Mary. I'd like to do the same sort of thing for her as my parents did for us. I want Christmas to be more about being together as a little family than it is about the gifts. I guess we have some time before we really need to worry about it. Christmas for her this year is likely to be much the same as any other day...But next year she will be two, she will understand a little bit more, I think.

How did/do you and your families make Christmas special?

To our Anonymous Benefactor

For some reason, you want to remain unknown, and I respect that. I just hope you know how grateful and touched we are that you would do that for us. When Ian got off the phone from speaking to R & C and told me what you had done, I cried. No one has ever done something this kind and generous for us before.

We would have been okay, we were working things out, but it was going to be tough. Now, because of you, we will be able to afford Christmas gifts for each other, and for Mary. We won't have to struggle to make ends meet through January. Thank you.

You know, what you've done has really made me realize how lucky we are. We have such a fabulous group of friends here. Even though Edmonton is far away from both of our families, the friends we have really make up for any lack.

Anyways, all I can say is Thank You. I hope that some day Ian and I have the opportunity to do something similar for someone who's having a difficult time.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Beer and Popcorn

I feel like beer, and popcorn. I think that instead of spending every penny to my name on making my child comfortable, you know, food, diapers, a safe, warm place to live, toys to play with, books to read, a car to get around so Daddy can get to work and make more money to spend on stuff for the baby...I think instead, I will just buy beer and popcorn. I wonder if I can trade in the baby food that we have in the cupboard...

So, most of you have probably heard what two top dudes in the Liberal party said this weekend. I have not commented on it here yet because I am livid. Absolutely livid. I did write a letter to the Liberal party explaining that because of those two dopes, they have definately lost my vote. Any party who feels that way about parents, well, forget it.

The whole thing came up because of the Conservatives attempt to bribe parents into voting for them by promising $1200 a year for each child under 6. While it's tempting, really, $100 a month is almost insulting, to be honest. That wouldn't cover even a week of full time daycare, and it would buy 1 box of diapers and 2 tins of formula. Yippee. While they were attempting to shoot down the whole plan, two liberals, on two separate occasions said that parents would be more likely to spend the money on Beer and other things, like popcorn, cars, cd's, dvd's, than they would on their children. Honestly, what were they thinking?

I've said it before, and I will say it again. Why should those of us who chose to stay home with our kids, or who chose to put our kids into unregulated child care be punished by not receiving the same amount of help that working parents/people who are lucky enough to work a 9-5 job and thus can put their kids into daycares that are only open from 8-6? On top of that, they seem to be saying that I am incapable of raising my child. She should be with professionals, in an institutionalized envirnment so she can reach her full potential. right. I'm of the opinion that no one out there is better suited to raise my child than I am.

I think that the bottom line is that the government does not want parents to stay at home. When I am not working, I'm not making an income. When I don't have an income, the government can't make money off of me through income tax. When I'm not working, we aren't making enough money to spend on useless, frivolous crap (ah, how I miss thee, useless, frivolous crap) so the economy suffers, and again, the government isn't getting their 7% GST.

So, this election, although it may be throwing away my vote, I'll be voting Green. I just can't bring myself to vote for any of the major parties right now, they're all the same, really.

Monday, December 12, 2005


We went to the doctor today, and he checked Miss Mary out. He said that he doesn't think we need to be concerned, it's just peripheral cyanosis, which means she gets blue when she gets cold. So for now we are just going to keep an eye on her, and if it gets worse, then we go back.

Also, Mary started walking today. She's extremely unsteady, and her record is 5 steps before collapsing on me, but it's a start. Yay!

Home for the Holidays (in which Jennifer tosses her cookies)

What an interesting weekend.

On Friday my new stove arrived. Yay! It's very nice, and works quite well. As soon as it got here I started baking like a mad-woman, as I had my cookie exchange on Saturday, and had not started anything. The baking went okay, but every 4th dozen or so just refused to bake. It was incredibly annoying. The first time it happened, I was a little puzzled and annoyed. I baked the cookies for an extra 30 minutes, and still, they were just greasy balls of uncooked dough. The second time it happened I was a little more annoyed, and a little frustrated. The third time I was livid. Thankfully it was the last dozen I needed to bake, and I had already made some mincemeat tarts.

The exchange itself went well enough. The house got cleaned up, cookies were baked, there were crackers, smoked oysters, pickles and cheese, and of course, red wine. There was only one point that there were more people than chairs, the cats and Mary were all very well behaved. I was pretty stressed out for a week or so before the party, but I'm quite glad that I went through with it.

On Thursday Ian asked his boss what was going on at Christmas and was told that they would be shutting down from December 20th till Jan 2nd or 3rd, and that he ought to bank his hours. Um, right. It would have been really nice to have been told that a little more than a week in advance, you know? Anyways, we've decided that we will go back to Regina for Christmas now. It's going to be stressful, I think, and dificult, but my Dad was thrilled when I told him. I think we will only be going for a few days, and we will be back here before Mary's birthday.

On Saturday, our kitchen and bathroom sinks started to empty straight into the basement. This is not good. We called our friend who is a plumber and asked him to pop by to see what is up. We were hoping that it would be something simple and cheap. No such luck. His exact words were "It just gave up. The plumbing just quit. So, next weekend I will re-plum your house." Ho Ho Ho. Merry Christmas. So, not only will we not have any income over the holidays, but we will need to pay out $1500 for the plumbing (which is a steal, really). Oh, and we bought a new (1984 S10) truck for Ian before all this happened that we need to register and insure. Yay! When it rains, it pours. Anyways, if all this happened a few months ago, I would be freaking out, but now...well...I'm starting to get used to the fact that the universe is out to get us. Every time we seem to be getting ahead, something else happens. Bah. We will handle it, although it does mean that we will need to cash in all our RRSP's.

My biggest concern right now is Mary. For the last couple of weeks she has been going blue in the lips and fingers. Now, you may think that I'm a bad Mum for not taking her to the doctor immediately, but I tend to over-react, and I know this. So I just assumed that I was imagining things, right? Anyways, over the weekend Ian started to notice it too, so I now know that I'm not crazy. I've got a doctors appointment this afternoon with the pediatritian, and I'm worried. She did have some heart issues when she was born, but they told us that it was nothing to worry about...but what if it was something to worry about? Anyways, I had best get my act together, we have to walk to the Dr's office and I'm not sure how long it'll take.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Friday Baby Blogging


This is Marys new favorite game. Emptying the drawers. Doesn't it look fun? Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


I'm going to loose my mind. Frickin insurance companies, and frickin banks. Damn it.

Searching for good

In his blog today, Emmett laments that he no longer sees Christians as doing good, as being peacemakers and helpers. It makes me sad that the loudmouthed extremists have taken so much of the light that people identify Christianity with haterid, instead of love. Anyways, I have decided to bring some local and international services to light, both Christian and non, I think that it's important that people realise that in spite of the nastiness that takes up so much of the limelight, there are a lot of people out there doing good.

First, there is the Bissell Centre. While they are not specifially a christian organization, they depend on churches around the city to volunteer and donate. Several years ago I volunteered with my church there for Thanksgiving. Their mission is simple, neighbours helping neighbours improve their quality of life, and combat poverty.

We have the Salvation Army, an international organization, and a Christian church. They work through out the year to fight poverty, and to help those in need. Although they are most obvious at Christmas time with their Kettle Campaign (which Mary and I are working this year), they work hard all year round to do what they can. Their ministry is motivated by love for God and the needs of humanity. They respect the dignity of everyone they work with, and they try to embody God's love, reaching out to others and caring for them.

There is Catholic Social Services. They work hard in the city to help others, no matter what their religion or denomination. They have several projects in Edmonton, including a Safe House for street kids, Karios programs for people with HIV/AIDS, First Steps programs for women who are at risk for giving birth to kids with FASD, and programs to help immigrant families get settled in their new city.

Pax Christi is a Catholic organization that fights for peace all over the world. Many of the members take vows of non violence. I don't know a lot about this organization, they seem to be mainly in the US, I think that Goody would know more about them than I do.

The Anglican church in Canada has the PWRDF, The Primates World Relief and Development Fund.
PWRDF is a response by Canadian Anglicans to the gospel call to bear witness to God's healing love in a broken world. Inspired by the vision of a spirit-filled community of hope, PWRDF walks together with partners in Canada and overseas to share in the creation of a more just and peaceful world. In joy and struggle, the Primate's Fund engages in development work, responds to emergencies, works to protect refugees, and educates and advocates for change.

Anyways, there are a whole lot of stupid and horrible people out there, and that is not limited to the Christian faith, but there are also a whole pile people who want to help, and who work to help (again, this is not restricted to Christianity in the least). With all the ugliness in the world, we just have to look a little harder to see the beauty, but once you do, it will warm your heart.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Inner City

The neighbourhood that we live in is decidedly unsavoury, we are in fact, "Inner City," but there are far worse area's than ours. Now, the community league does not like that label (understandably), and is campaigning to have the media call us by our actual name, Parkdale-Cromdale. They do have a legitimate beef, I think. The nicer neighbourhoods are always called by their name in the news, but we are just inner city. You know, I'm not really sure where I was going with this when I started, aside from the fact that the more affluent neighbourhoods in the city have their share of problems too. Yesterday a boy was shot to death, not in the inner city, but in Riverbend, where people with lots of money live, or people who are willing to make serious sacrifices to escape inner city living. I'd also like to say that inner city neighbourhoods have their share of good people too. Our neighbours here are fabulous people, and although there have been some problems with a couple of houses across the street we are relatively happy here. Last night a house a few doors down burned down, and the neighbours were there to take relative strangers into their homes.

Today it is even colder out than yesterday. Poor Ian. Poor me for having to wait for the bus yet again. Apparantly there is a Chinook or something coming through at the end of the week, yay! On the news yesterday they reported that for people in the highly populated parts of Canada this winter would be brutal, dry and cold, but for those of us who live further north it's supposed to be relatively warm, and wet. Yay for us! I'm pleased that I live in northern Canada, I just want to see this warmness soon.

Monday, December 05, 2005


Well, winter has come with a vengance. It was a chilly weekend, but today...oh my. The snow, the wind, the cold. We've gotten 5 cm of snow so far this morning, and with the wind chill it feels like it's -30 celcius. Yick. I'm just glad that Mary and I only have to walk a couple of blocks to the bus. I am worried about Ian though. This is not the kind of weather that anyone ought to be working 10 hours in. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Apparantly it will be back above freezing by friday. Yay!

This weekend went well. Saturday Ian, Mary and I went to a Christmas party that an old friend of mine was putting on for her daughter. It was pretty fun for Ian and I, and Mary had an absolute blast. An afternoon with 10 2 year olds, and a few babies...there were amazingly few temper tantrums.

Saturday night was T's game, Paradise Lost. Yet again it was a festival of misery and angst for me and the rest of the divine. The highlite of the game was when one of the infernal characters announced the resurrection of a character who had eaten several of us divine alive. I really thought I was going to throw up. The focus of the game turned out to be something completely different though. A stuffed monkey was given to one of the characters by the angels, and the infernal got all up in arms about it. They were perfectly okay with the flesh eating maniac being brought back to life...but an innocent (well, maybe not so innocent) stuffed monkey could not be allowed to exist.

Yesterday Ian worked, and both Mary and I were feeling somewhat under the weather, so be both stayed in our jammies all day long and I turned up the heat. It was fantastic (aside from the whining and screaming that errupted from time to time). When Ian got home, I cooked him supper like the happy housewife I am, and we hung out watching telly and chatting for the rest of the evening. Mary was up super late, for some reason she was incredibly cheery and alert. In hind sight it could have been because of all the ice cream I shared with her after supper. Hmm.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Pros and Cons

Most of you don't know this (mostly cause we haven't really told anyone), but Ian and I are seriously considering a move, yet again. So seriously, that we are both applying for jobs. Since visiting my Mum and all my family out west, I would like to go to the West Coast, and Ian is on board. I thought I would take a moment here to weigh the pros and cons of a move.


- Family. All my aunts, uncles, and most of my cousins and their children live in and around Vancouver. I'd like my kids to grow up knowing their cousins in a way I never did because we lived so far away.

- My Mum and little brother both live in that area. I miss my mother desperately, and my visit with her really brought that to light. Also, she does not work, and would be happy to look after Mary so that I can get a job.

- It's the west coast, for crying out loud! Ever since I can remember, I have planned to live there some day. Flowers bloom all year round, the mountains are an hour away, the ocean is right there, the climate is warmer. Why not do it now while we are still young enough and are roots aren't too deep?


- I like Edmonton. Edmonton has been good to me, and I'm happy here.

- Jobs are better here in Edmonton.

- We have fantastic friends here that we would hate to leave behind.

- The cost of living is a whole lot more in and around Vancouver, although where we are looking at, the Fraser Valley, is not so costly, and fresh veggies are much cheaper.

- We would be moving even farther from Ian's family. Of course what's one more province west, when they are all the way in Nova Scotia?

- Snow vs. Rain. I like snow, I think I'd really miss it. It does rain a lot on the west coast, and being a prarie girl, that'll take some getting used too.

That's all I can come up with right at the moment. Like I said, we've been doing some looking at jobs and houses out there. Right now we are thinking that we can afford a modular home, probably in Mission, which is about 45 minutes from downtown Vancouver. Some of them are very pretty. We haven't made our decision yet, but as every day passes it looks more and more likely that we will be out there before next Christmas.

More Baby Blogging


She's plotting to take over the world, I swear it. Posted by Picasa

Friday Baby Blogging


Hmm. I tried this once before, but it doesn't seem to be working, so I'll do it again. Do you see the feet, Anne? Is that enough for you? Posted by Picasa

Thursday, December 01, 2005


Today was better, Mary was much happier. We volunteered with the Salvation Army for the first time today, and Mary charmed everyone. I have some stories to tell, but I'm too tired now.

For now, entertain yourselves with this.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A cry for help...


This is what I have been putting up with All. Day. Long. The screaming. The pounding headache. The backache from picking her up, then putting her down because that's what she wants, then picking her up again, then putting her down, then the screaming, oh the screaming...and picking her up.

Since she woke up at 8 this morning, it's been nothing but absolute misery, except for the 45 minute nap she took this morning, and the last 10 minutes of napping right now. Please, God, let this nap last longer than 30 minutes. Please, God, let the screaming not start up again when she wakes. Posted by Picasa

How Odd...

Check this out. I really don't know what to say. It's interesting...but...odd.

The Failure of Feminism

There has been a lot of talk lately, in publications and on blogs, about the "failure of feminism," and much of it seems to be blamed on people like me. I'm not really sure how I ought to react to these charges. I certainly don't think that because I chose to stay home with Mary as opposed to returning to a crap job for minimal pay makes me a part of the downfall of the feminist movement. Maybe I don't count because I haven't got a university degree, and didn't have a high enough paying job?

Now, I never really considered myself a feminist until a couple of years ago and someone who I respected really opened my eyes. Do I think that a woman should be able to make her own choices in her life, and have control over her own destiny? Yes, I do. And that's the point. I believe that every woman should have the choice. I chose to stay home with my baby, not because I have bought in to some cultural brainwashing, but because I am happy. Happier than I can ever remember being, and I not prepared to sacrifice that for anything. Selfish, I guess. I also think that it's what is good for Mary, but let me tell you, if the last 11 months of being a stay at home mum had been miserable, I would have already gone back to work.

Now, there is a disturbing trend out there, and Andrea over at Beanie Baby has several good points.

To quote:
According to news stories I've come across or those introduced to me at various mother blogs, Proper Mothers of our brave new century are supposed to: Breastfeed (and know how to do so instinctively, without assistance), have the baby in the mother's room at night (but not in your bed--this from the AAP), not use any sort of diapers at all but instead build up a baby's dignity by holding them over a toilet to void their wastes from birth, not allow their children to watch TV until the age of two, make their own baby and toddler food using organic vegetables, be a Yummy Mummy and make a second (third?) career out of being fit and looking fabulous, watch Alpha Mom TV to learn how to turn your ambition and drive towards making Babies Ben and Bella the absolute best human beings possible, and attend an Ivy League school to obtain advanced degrees then devote themselves to staying home while the children are young (although your perspective on whether this is Good or Bad may vary).

These are attitudes which are prevalent in the media, especially American media, but it is becoming more common here in Canada as well. Also, I think a real "hate the working Mum" attitude has come around too, those selfish women who chose their careers over their children. Why don't we talk that way about working fathers when both parents are working out of the home? People tend to think of stay at home dads as less than a real man, who couldn't hack working or is just too lazy to get a job and keep it.

No matter how I look at it, once again, someone out there is putting unrealistic expectations on mothers, both of the working and the stay at home variety, and then blaming us for not living up to them. Parenting is hard work whether you are a man or a woman, whether you stay at home with your child, or work out of the home. Instead of demonizing women who decide (or need to financially) to work, blaming those of us who chose to stay at home for the failure and downfall of feminism, or mocking those few dads who chose to stay at home while their wife works...Give us a break! I think that the part of it that drives me crazy is that often it's parents who are judging each other...The SAHM's judging the WOHM's and vice versa.

Oh, and for the record, I am not a "Yummy Mummy," nor am I a MILF, and I never intend to be. My husband finds me yummy, and that's enough for me, thanks.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


The government has fallen! There's rioting in the streets! Cars are burning, windows smashed...I'm going to go out looting with Mary later on today!

Not really. The government has been disolved thanks to the manouvering of some seriously unlikely bedfellows in Canadian politics. Who would have thought that the Tories, the Pinko NDP (as my father calls them) and the Seperatists would get together and agree on anything. To be honest, the whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. We will be having an election in January (great idea guys! Lets have an election at the time of year when you can get frostbite from being outside for half a second. That'll help with voter turn-out!) and I suspect the outcome won't be much different than the government that was just disolved. So, we the taxpayers will be paying millions of dollars for an election that we don't want, don't need, and won't change anything. Yay.

You know, I've always been a supporter of the NDP, but after this little display with the Tories...I just don't know if I can stomach supporting them any more. My biggest fear is that we will end up with the Conservatives in power, and then we will have that evil robot for a Prime Minister (look at a picture of Stephen Harper, and you'll understand).

In other Well, not alot is going on here, life as usual. Mary slept from 8 last night to 10 this morning. The Christmas tree has not been knocked over yet. It's snowing out...poor Ian, working outside. Mary and I start to volunteer with the Salvation Army on Thursday. Hmm. That's really all I can think of right now.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Personal Space

Saturday I had the very best of intentions. I would clean the house, go grocery shopping, cook a good supper and get the laundry done before we headed over to T's place for some D&D. Well, we all know where good intentions get us. Ian and I ended up spending the whole day at Ikea. How fun! We bought a couple of christmas decorations and some candles. After Ikea, we popped over at V&I's place to pick up our Christmas tree. We put it up and put the lights on it before packing up the baby and heading out for a very enjoyable evening of D&D. We got home around 2, and because I was not at all tired, I decided to finish decorating the tree. It's early, I know, but I'm hosting a get together and cookie exchange on the 10th, and I really need to get my act together and decorate the house.

Yesterday Ian and I decided that we would go out for breakfast to our favorite restaurant before we headed over to G & K's place to watch the Grey Cup. It was all in all a very nice experience. When we got to the restaurant there was a little boy, a couple of months older than Mary, who absolutely adored her. He came marching up to us and had a lot to say to her, it was very cute. Mary however is not interested in boys at this time, and she just stared at him in confusion till his dad came and took him away. As we were finishing up, an older lady came up, commented on what a pretty baby we had, and proceded to grope Marys head without so much as a by-your-leave. Wow. I was awfully angry, and Mary started to scream bloody murder. What is it about babies that makes people forget basic rules of etiquitte? I mean, you wouldn't go up to anyone else in a restaurant and start rubbing them all over, would you? Babies have personal space too, and really ought to be respected. Anyways, our breakfast was cut short because we didn't want to subject the other diners to the inconsolable screaming. Luckily we had finished eating, and were just trying to enjoy our tea and digest our food a little bit.

The Grey Cup was fabulous, Edmonton won, of course. Next year will be Saskatchewans turn, I'm sure of it!

Friday, November 25, 2005

Friday Baby Blogging

"Holy crap, there's a cat in my bed!"

Thursday, November 24, 2005

I'm Back!

Oh dearest internet, how I missed thee. A whole week without you nearly did me in, I swear.

So, last Wednesday, we all got up bright and early so that Mary and I could start our journey west. I had everything packed up already, so it was basically just a wake up and go sort of operation. Ian seems to think that he can get anywhere from anywhere in just 20 minutes, so we very nearly missed our plane. Yikes. We did in fact miss the pre-boarding call. We got on the plane just in time, and Mary promptly fell asleep. What a good girl. The plane landed in Calgary, and Mary continued to sleep through the bumpy landing, and the trip to the actual terminal. We didn't need to change planes, so we just sat there, Mary drooling all over me and snoring softly as most people got off the plane, and more got on for the trip to Abbotsford. We were in the window seat, and a smartly dressed businessman got on the plane and sat in our row in the aisle (When traveling with infants, the airline does their damndest to keep the seat directly beside you open). Mary woke up. Mary yelled, and squirmed. We got some applejuice which shut her up, and after we finished the juice she had a nice plastic cup to play with. She threw the (empty)cup at the businessman, and hit the screen of his laptop. He moved to another seat.

We arrived in Abbotsford at around 9ish, and it was a grey and gloomy day. Mary and I got settled and hung out with Mum and Larry for a while, and then Larry had to go to work. Mum and I went for a walk with the baby around her neighbourhood and into town. What a beautiful place! Mum lives in a little neighbourhood, about 5 houses clumped together, about a 10 minute walk from Aldergrove. It's odd, the whole place is very rural, they are mostly surrounded by acerages, but the big city is moving out there, so you'll be walking down a country road, and all of a sudden there will be a street or two of cookie cutter brand new houses, all crammed close together, and all looking exactly the same.

Wednesday night Mary went to sleep at her usual time, woke up around 1:30 in the morning for a bottle, which I expected. What I didnt expect was for her to go back to sleep for about 20 minutes, and then wake up screaming. Screaming screaming screaming for about 2 hours. Nothing I could do would calm her down. This was pretty much how every night went, she would wake up, eat, pretend to go to sleep, and then cry for at least 45 minutes, sometimes all night.

Anyways, here are the highlights of my trip:

Saturday I went over to my uncle's place to visit him, his wife, my cousins and their kids. Uncle lives in a fabulous house right in Vancouver, west of Marine Drive. I'm sure their house would sell for over a million dollars now, and unlike a lot of houses there, I think that it would be worth every penny. It was wonderful to spend time with everyone, the little girls all adored Mary and packed her around the house. The littlest one, Zac is only a month younger than Mary, and very cute. I wish that I could be closer to them, so we could get together more often.

Saturday I went in the truck with Larry. He picks up flowers from various growers in the Fraser valley and takes them to the auction to be sold to the people who sell them to you. It was a blast, and the countryside there is so stunning.

Monday I saw my little brother, and his neat little bachelor pad right in downtown Vancouver. It was foggy and gross in Vancouver, even though the sun was shining in Abbotsford, but we had a lot of fun walking around. We went to Granville Market, and then over to Lonsdale Quay.

Tuesday I saw my miserable old Grandma. You know, the one who told me I was fat about 30 seconds before I walked down the aisle for my wedding. Nice. She is in pretty rough shape though. She has arthritis, and it is really quite awful. They haven't found any treatments that work, so she is in constant pain. She is so stubborn and proud though, she refuses to ask for help, or to even get a handicap pass for her car.

Wednesday was a travel day, and it was a doozie. When we got to the airport we found that the flight had been delayed an hour, and they kept moving it back every time I looked. An hour and a half after we were supposed to leave, the plane finally got off the ground. Mary was miserable and loud the entire way to Calgary, where we changed planes. The flight from Calgary to Edmonton was the worst though, she screamed bloody murder the entire way home. Yikes.

I'll not bitch about my husband (much) but I'm not terribly pleased about what greeted me when I walked into my house. Needless to say, the house is a filthy pigsty. After a long miserable day of travel, it would have been nice to come home to a relatively clean home. Oh well, he does work hard so I don't have to, I guess.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Well, tomorrow Mary and I are getting up before the crack of dawn and getting on an airplane full of business men. We are flying to Vancouver to visit my Mum, brother, grandma, and a whole bunch of my cousins, aunts and uncles. I am extremely excited, it has been way too long since I visited the city of my birth, and my favorite city in the country (followed closely by Halifax). I'm also very nervous. Mary and I have flown before, and she was an angel, she slept the whole way to Regina. But this time is different. For one, both Mary and I are late sleepers. She usually does not get up for the day till after 9, and tomorrow we need to be on the road to the airport by 5:30. Ick. I'm sure she will sleep through the trip, but I am concerned that it will throw her schedule right off, she has a hard enough time with travelling as it is. It wouldn't be so bad if I could put her to bed early tonight, but unfortunately I am babysitting late, and we won't be home till 9ish. Mary refuses to nap when I'm babysitting too, so she is going to be exhausted and miserable by time we get home, and she will need a whole night's sleep. Eek. I'm getting myself more and more worked up just thinking about it. At least she seems to be taking a break from teething. Last week 3 teeth popped up in less than 24 hours. Oh God, now I've jinxed myself, haven't I?

Anyways, I will be in rainy Vancouver for the next week, and my Mum does not believe in computers, so I won't be able to update my blog at all, or read anyone else's. So, no posts for a week, I'm not lollyblogging, just having fun on the West Coast. Whee!

Getting To Know Me Questionnaire for The Winter Holiday of Your Choice Blog Bonanza

Here it is, the survey for the gift exchange. So much fun!

If I could get away with it, I'd steal Anne R. Key's Creativity and abillity to write coherently, because damn it, it should be mine.

I sometimes buy Tattoo's (I know, please don't mock me) magazine, because I lust after a new tattoo for my leg.

If you came over to my house to play and broke my Purple crayon, I'd be a little bit mad at you forever.

The colour orange should only be used in fungal remedy packaging or if human waste were to be redesigned.

The colour green, any shade of green makes my heart feel like it is full of happy kittens frolicking in a sunny, grassy meadow.

The Hippity Hop Music makes me break out in gooberous pustules (or else I just don't like it, but I'm too nice to say it.)

Clowns and the dentist give me the heebie jeebies and I might need to seek therapy if I even think about it further.

I love the feel of my cats fur so much I have a primitive urge to stick some down my pants (not really).

No one should have to watch me eat Creme Brulee, because really If I were eating some in private, I'd be quite a pig about it.

I would rather chew tinfoil and shave my head with a cheese grater than eat green peppers or olives.

I DO follow recipes because I'm anal that way.

For Marla, "White Shoulders" perfume will always smell like her laid-out dead grandmother. I feel that way about _________________________.

If I could, I'd perfume my own farts and those of my loved ones with the scent of Vanilla.

I have TOO MUCH useless junk, I'm such a pack rat, and not enough books, never enough books.

Gadgets are for weirdo's.

When people have kind, sweet and nice things about me, they're usually talking about I can't think of anything. I guess they're talking about how gosh darned humble I am.

I can't be upset if people dis me about over-reacting to things, because it's true.

If I could have any talent in the world, I'd choose the ability to write and use it to write childrens stories.

You are given an hour and twenty dollars to spend in one of these places, childfree. Choose one, or write your own:

A candle store. I neeeeed more smelly candles.

And here's the last chance to make sure that you're not going to get a "Jelly of the Month" club membership when you're expecting your bonus for a swimming pool:

It is important to me that the items chosen for me _______________.


If I could suggest that you read only one post from my archives, this would be it: _____________________________


If I were to name the Holiday of my choice for this exchange, it would be: Christmas, of course!


So, there is a study out there that says breast feeding your child can reduce the chance of her developing a sensitivity to gluten (Celiac disease) by up to 52%. You can read an article here. Anyways, I tend to take such findings with a grain of salt, but I cannot help but feel a little guilty. If I had successfully nursed Mary, would we be having all the problems with gluten that we are struggling with now? I just don't know. I guess there is no point in second guessing the decisions that I made back when breast feeding was such a nightmare for all of us, but it's hard not too.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

New babies

Last night Ian, Mary and I finally got to see our friends new baby. Oh. My. God. She is so tiny! Mary was only that small when she was still inside of me (really, it's true). Tiny, beautiful and precious. It's amazing how different she looks than Mary did at that age too, Mary was all round and chubby, right from the begining, but this baby is all angles. She's got these giant hands on skinny wrists, and the thinnest little legs I've ever seen! When I held her, it was like I was holding nothing at all, she is so light. But she's beautiful, and the parents are doing so well, I'm just so happy for them.

I may have liked the baby, but Mary was not impressed in the least. She mostly ignored her, except when I was holding the baby, at which point Mary got extremely jealous, tried to climb into my lap, and when that didn't work, she attempted to hit the baby, shrieking the entire time. Yikes. Luckily Ian was right there to keep Mary away from the baby, and make sure she knew that we still love her.

Anyways, I must get a move on, today is our last music lesson, and I don't want to be late.

Friday, November 11, 2005

The Friendlies


Beijing has unveiled their mascots for the 2008 Olympics, they call them the Friendlies. They're kind of cute, in a creepy sort of way, and their names are neat. They are named Beibei (the fish), Jingjing (panda), Huanhuan (Olympic flame), Yingying (Tibetian Antelople), and Nini (Swallow). If you take the first sylable from each name, "Bei jing huan ing ni" it says "Welcome to Beijing." Honestly, I much prefer the Beijing mascots to the Vancouver Inukshuk, it's not cute at all, but a whole lot creepy and strange. Not to mention how upset the west coast natives are about the whole thing...why wouldn't they use a totem pole instead? I guess you just can't please everyone.

I've never really be into the Olympics. I enjoy watching some of the winter games, although it seems that the line between professional and amatuer sport is getting more and more blurry every year. I'm not olympic crazy like some people, but I do enjoy watching the world get together in relative peace. Posted by Picasa

Friday Baby Blogging


We call her the "Big Red Blob" when she wears this snowsuit. Posted by Picasa


You'd think that the 10 month old in the house would hold the title of "Drama Queen," but if you did, well, you'd be wrong. I've always been prone to melodrama, and although I have grown up an awful lot, it seems that I still have my moments. Ian came home from work and informed me that although the sink emptying onto the basement floor was bad, we would not end up living out of a shopping cart on 118th avenue by the end of the week. Thank God for him, really. If it werent for him, I'm sure that I would just be huddled up in a ball at the foot of the bed rocking. I am worried about when he goes out of time for work, who will calm me down? Who will keep me from over-reacting to just about everything? Who will keep me from seeing disaster in every day life?

This morning I'm watching the Food Network on TV. I watched it all day long, pretty much every day a year ago, when I was on bedrest, and I haven't watched it (except the occasional episode of Iron Chef) since Mary was born. It really is entertaining, although most of the recipies are far beyond me. Just now a woman made Creme Brulee (oh god, my mouth waters just typing the words), but really, who has a blow torch in their kitchen?? The only problem is that I get really hungry, and see all sorts of things that I don't see myself ever getting. Maybe when we get another house though, right now our kitchen is the size of your average bathroom. I have about a foot of counter space to work with, and any time I try to cook anything more complicated than rice, I end up getting extremely frustrated. I used to bake all the time, I loved to bake cookies, and occasionally I would bake bread, but not in this house. I'm going to have to borrow our neighbours kitchen for my cookie exchange and Marys birthday.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Uh Oh

Is it a bad thing when you drain your kitchen sink, and it all ends up on the basement floor?

We get something under control, and something else breaks, and this time we are in trouble, big trouble. We can't afford a plumber, not if we want to pay our mortgage and eat. I feel like I've been pulled under water, and someone is holding me there.


Why, oh why, does my child refuse to nap? WHY? Yes, she sleeps through the night for the most part, which makes us lucky, I know, but unless I stay up all night long cleaning the house, then I'm out of luck. The worst part is that she refuses to nap all day long, and by 5 in the evening, she's exhausted and miserable. Right now she is sitting in her crib, happily chatting away with her blanket. I know that she's tired, she knows she's tired, but still, she refuses to sleep. Well, I guess I had better go vacuum before the happy chatty turns into enraged screaming.

Oh, and in happier news...

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Beaten by Technology

Beaten by Technology

Every morning I turn on the tube when I wake up and get my day started. Not because I want to watch anything in particular, but I like the voices in the background as I do other things like clean, read, cross stitch, feed the baby, blog...whatever. Anyways, I decided that this morning I would listen to talk radio instead. I really need to turn off the TV, those women on The View are starting to give me violent urges. So, I turned on the sterio (it's Ians) and got nothing but static. Simple, right? Just tune the radio to a station, and I should be good to go. It's much easier said than done. I could not figure out how to tune the bloody thing. I tried and tried, and eventually decided that Ian would be really angry if I smashed the stupid thing on the ground, and then jumped up and down on it. So I turned off the sterio, and turned on the tv. I'm going to have to chat with Ian about that tonight. This morning, Kelly Rippa compared the gangster turned rapper Fiddy Cent to the Beatles. Christ Almighty.

I'm still feeling a little pissy about loosing that post that I made on Saturday. I've been having a hard time even sitting down at the computer, I'm so angry with it. It was my fault, of course, but I prefer to blame my stupid mistakes on the machine.

Aside from the lost post, my weekend went quite well. Ian had to work on saturday (sigh), which made for a lonely day for me, but he did make money, which is nice. That afternoon I headed over to L & C's place downtown for some pre-Paradise Lost fun. What a beautiful appartament those people have. Bigger than my house, and not falling appart either! Anyways, after hanging out with the other Divine, we headed over to the game. Wow! Every time I go, I hurt just a little bit more. I can say from experience that playing infernal is much less painful, and a little more fun, but nowhere near as emotional! The game was great and horrifying, once again I came close to loosing my mind, or throwing up. Sunday Ian, Mary and I went shopping at Value Villiage, and then went to watch a football game with some friends who shall remain nameless. Edmonton played miserably, and lost horribly, but we were distracted by Marys antics. Saturday morning some other friends who prefer to remain nameless had their baby girl! I'm quite excited to meet the little one, but I have a bit of a sore throat, so it'll have to wait for a little while.

Saturday, November 05, 2005


I had a huge post here, and I lost it. damn it. I'm not in the mood to re-write it right now, but needless to say, it was brilliant.

Friday, November 04, 2005

How Odd

Am I the only person who thinks this is really strange? On the news they interviewed one woman who puts her 10 month old baby on the potty every 20 minutes. Um...I'm sorry, I may be a stay at home Mum, but I do have a life.

Friday Baby Blogging


She just loves the camera. Posted by Picasa


So, last night I went to bed a little while after Ian did. Here is the conversation that we had...

Me: Hey, you asleep?

Ian: Nope.

Me: Well, I have to go to L & C's place on Saturday afternoon before the game.

Ian: Okay.

Me: They live on Bellamy Hill.

Ian: Heh. That's funny.

Me: Funny? Why?

Ian: We know a whole pile of people who live on Bellamy Hill.

Me: We do? Who?

Ian: Um...well...You know, people have pretty strict regulations, for their stuff.

Me: What?

Ian: I don't know. The city, it doesn't let just anyone, they have strict regulations. I lost my train of thought.

Me: What the hell are you talking about??

Ian: Well, the ceilings, they need steel supports. The steel supports are very important.

Me (finally cluing in, and giggling): Ah. Steel supports, eh?

Ian: Yeah, the ceilings need steel supports.

Me (Kicking Ian): You aren't awake, are you??

Ian: Huh? What?

It was extremely amusing, once I realised what the hell was going on. Of course, her rolled over and went back to sleep. Cori says that you can't die of insomnia, but I'm starting to believe otherwise.

In other news, Mary crawled up to me yesterday, pulled herself up on my knees, and said as clear as a bell "Up!" I swear to God, she said it. I got all excited, and tried to get her to say it again, and she has so far refused. Sigh.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Blame the mothers

When I go to a restaurant with my baby, I spend much of my time there stressing out about whether or not she will behave. Even if I am in a family restaurant with my child, I often feel extremely unwelcome. Not by the serving staff usually, but the other patrons will occasionally look at me and my baby like we have no right to be there. Most of the time I don't enjoy my dining experience, I'm too busy worrying about Mary, and about the other people in the restaurant. I mean, I try hard to be a good mother, but sometimes, my child gets cranky, and I'm certain it's going to get worse before it gets better. If we have ordered, our food is on the way, and my baby (or older child) gets crabby and whiney, am I required to get up and leave? Aren't family restaurants designed for families? I mean, I certainly won't be bringing Mary to The Keg for the next decade at least, but I really think that I should be able to go to a family restaurant with my family, and not feel bad if my baby cries. Certainly if, when she is older, if she gets up and tries to run around the restaurant I will deal with it, and punish her...but if she's just crabby and whiney, I don't know. I'll do what I can to hush her, but I'm not going to leave a meal that I have paid for. Anyways, that's what is on my mind today.

There seems to be a culture of "Blame the Mother" going on, and it is really starting to bother me. Being a Mum is hard work, and most of us do our best. Yes, there are bad mothers out there, I'm certainly arguing with that, but society seems to be pleased to put near impossible expectations on mothers. You need to be there for your children, but you should be working and bringing in an income too. You should breastfeed, but no one wants to see it, so don't do it in public. It's important to get out and run errands, but for heavens sake don't bring your crying baby, or crabby toddler, or whiney child out, we don't need to see that. Don't complain, you chose to do what you're doing. We can all talk about our jobs, but you cant, you're just a mother, no one wants to hear about it. Some once said to me "Boy, you talk about your baby a lot. Can't you talk about anything else?", not really. I live with her, she is my job, 24 hours a day. I don't mind it, but why is it acceptable for you to complain or talk about your day in the office, but I'm being boring and selfish when I talk about my baby.

Christ, and now on "The View" (why oh why do I watch that show?) they are comparing smokers being allowed to smoke with crying children in public. If crying children are allowed in public, why shouldn't smokers be allowed to smoke in public. Jesus murphy.

Anyways, I seem to be crabby, and I'm not sure that I have expressed myself properly here, but I guess it's my blog, and I can be as disjointed and cranky as I wish. So there.

Oh, in other news, it looks like Ethiopia and Eritrea are possibly heading back to war. Lots of movement along the border, troops in the demilitarized zone, and Eritrea has banned UN movements there as well. It does look like the rioting has calmed in Addis though, possibly because today is a national Muslim holiday called Eid al Fitr (the end of Ramadan. I can't help but worry about my pen pal, Tigray is far from the Capital, but fairly close to the border with Eritrea I think.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Why democracy doesn't necessarily work for everyone

They are rioting in Addis Ababa, and people are being killed. I know it's nothing compared to what's going on in the Sudan (which by the way, rarely makes the news) but it's tough to hear about anyways. Most of you know what a soft spot I have for Ethiopia, I don't really understand it myself. Anyways, I have a little pen pal there, he doesn't live in the capital, so he should be safe, but I'm still worried about him. The BBC has a good article about what's happening over there, you can check it out here if you wish.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

It's finished!


I've finally finished the cross stitched picture for Mary's Christmas stocking! All I have to do now is cut it out and attach the back. Yay! I'm really quite proud of myself, I have started a lot of projects in the past, and this is the first one I've actually finished! Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 31, 2005

No candies for Mary yet, but she likes to chew on the packages. Posted by Picasa

My Little Lion


Here is the halloween costume that we bought for Mary. It barely fit her, one more week and I think we would have been out of luck. Next year I want to make a costume for her, cheaper, and more fun for me, I think. Posted by Picasa

Oh, how I love the bus...

I haven't had much to say about my bus rides lately, mostly because I discovered another bus that goes pretty much as close as the other, and isn't quite as icky (aside from the poo left on the bench at the bus stop, of course). Today, I thought that maybe I was on the icky bus. The first bit of fun was as we were travelling through Edmonton's China Town (which is not a very nice area of the city). A native gentleman who smelled like a brewery got on the bus, and started chatting amiably with the bus driver, and occasionally smiling over at Mary. Although he was drunk as a skunk, he was friendly and happy, so I had no problems. A large group of elderly asian ladies got on the bus, and started chatting noisily in their mother tongue. My native friend decided at this point that I would be up for some incredibly racist chit-chat. I thought it was funny, and a little sad that he started going on about how foriegners should be speaking English, especially when his own grasp of the language was tenuous at best. I did mention to him that if we were to move to China, we would probably still speak English to each other on the bus. He had a response for me...but it was so mumbled that I just nodded and smiled at him.

Later on, after my drunken, chinese-hating native friend got off the bus, a really classy fellah got on. He was doing his laundry, so he had a huge cart full of his clothing. When he got off the bus, he had to bend over to wheel his cart down the steps. At this point he exposed at least 5 inches of crack for all of us to stare at in horror. I shared a snicker with the lady sitting across the aisle with me.

Anyways, Haloween is going well enough. We got Mary dressed up for a little while, visited some neighbours, and have been handing out candy ever since. There seems to be a lot more kids out tonight, which is a good thing, I bought a tonne of candy. Speaking of candy, V & I are no friends of Ian and I, if any of you were wondering. I popped over with Mary to say hello, and they gave us 2 big tubes of gooey candy, because they know that Mary can't eat anything hard. Right. I think the liquid sugar will be going somewhere far far away.

What, No Pumpkins?

I had a busy weekend. Friday night was Raven's birthday celebration at the New Asian Villiage. I had a wonderful time, and the food was actually very good! I've never been a fan of Indian food, but this time around I decided to try some of everything, and it was fantastic, although a little too spicy for me. I'm so glad that I was invited, it was nice to get to know Raven and some other people who I know to see, but don't really know, you know?

Saturday saw the end of domestic bliss. Ian and I have been arguing off and on all weekend, but Saturday was the worst. He was cranky, and so was one point I felt like saying "That's okay honey, you just sit there playing on the computer while I deal with the screaming baby, do the dishes, vacuum the floor and cook your supper all at the same time." Actually...come to think of it, I may have said that at one point. Later on I mentioned to him that the garbage was so full that the lid wouldn't shut, and the kitchen was starting to stink of dirty diapers. He actually asked me to pick out the dirty diapers and put them in another bag. Three days of kitchen garbage, and he wanted me to dig through and pick out the dirty diapers. I expressed my disbelief at this request, and he got angry. Anyways, we ended up outside as the weather was quite lovely. We got alot accomplished in the yard, and it no longer looks like hobo's live in our house. Yay!

Saturday night we skipped D&D, which was soooo nice. I enjoy our game, but I really hate playing a weekly saturday night thing. It was nice to be able to stay home, watch a movie, and get the baby into bed at a decent hour.

Sunday we went to the mall and wandered around for a few hours, before going grocery shopping. I had wanted to buy a pumpkin, but I guess that I left it too late, there were no pumpkins to be found. It's too bad, I'm not really into the whole jack o'lantern thing, but I do like roasted pumpkin seeds, and I was planning on making a pumpkin pie. Oh well, next year, I guess.

Today I babysit Jonah, and then when we get home we will take Mary to a couple of neighbours to show off her costume. Then, we hand out candy, and go to bed early, I think.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Anne says it best

Since I read this morning about the proposed takeover of the Hudsons Bay Company by an American businessman, I have been trying to figure out how best to put my feelings about it into words. Now I don't need too. Go here and read what Anne R. Key has to say about the whole thing. It pretty much sums up my feelings about the whole thing.

Friday Baby Blogging


I almost forgot that today is Friday! Posted by Picasa

Grammar Lesson

Now, I don't pretend that my grammar is perfect, but I do think that I have a better grasp on the workings of the English language than the average schmoo. In fact, one of my biggest pet peeves is bad grammar (I won't even get into how deeply annoyed I am by what the internet has done to the written word). Imagine my surprise when someone accused me of breaking a rule of grammar. I still maintain that I did no such thing, of course. Okay, generally one would say "Sally and I went to the park this afternoon," not "Sally and me went to the park this afternoon." This is because you would say "I went to the park," not "Me went to the park." It makes sense to me then, that if you would say "George showed me how to cook," you would also say "George showed Sally and me how to cook," right? I mean, you certainly wouldn't say "George showed I how to cook." Anyways, that's my problem, so I bring it to you. I know that many of you who read my blog are better writers than I (I've always been stronger with speaking than I am with writing), so tell me, does what I am saying make sense?

Thursday, October 27, 2005

We Won!!

We won the Lottery! No, not the 54 million that someone in Alberta won, but we did win a cool five bucks. Yay. What shall I do with all that money anyways?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Today Mary and I got our flu shots. I've heard positive and negatives about getting it, but I decided that I would go ahead and do it. It was free, and it gave me a chance to get in to speak with a public health nurse. I spoke to her about the fact that Miss Mary refuses most solid foods, and throws up if we give her anything lumpy. The nurses advice was to wean Mary of the bottle right away, and continue to feed her. I explained that if Mary doesnt get a bottle, she will hold out, and if I do what she asked, eventually she will either waste away to nothing, or be put out in the snow cause I can't handle the screaming. So, she has now referred me to a Nutritional consultant, and a Pediatric Occupational Therapist. I am kind of interested in the nutrition thing, I've been having a hard time dealing with Mary's wheat sensitivity, and any advice would be nice. I'm not really certain what an occupational therapist does, but I guess we will find out soon enough. Any help getting Mary to eat would be much appreciated.

Oh! More bus adventures, well, one really, and it didnt even happen on the bus. Mary and I walked to the bus stop today, and when we got there there was a...smell...I looked around, and noticed a Safeway bag full of human feces neatly placed on the bench in the little shelter. Icky. SO icky. Why must people be like that?

If I Win the Lottery

Well, the Lotto 649 jackpot is 40 million dollars. Ian and I went out and bought several numbers the other day, I know the chances are slim that we would ever win, but you never know. I've been spending the last couple of days imagining how I would spend 40 mil, I'm very good at spending money, but that much is a challenge even for me. Here is what I figured I would spend it on....

1 million each to my mother, father, Ian's mum, my little brother, and Ians little sis.

100 thou each to my three step siblings

5 million to the Stollery Childrens Hospital & Royal Alexandra Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

3 million to the Canadian Cancer Society

3 million to Edmonton Catholic Social Services

3 million to the Anglican Primates World Relief Development Fund

2 million to the Edmonton SPCA

500 thou to St. Pauls Cathedral in Regina, SK

1 mil to the Anglican Diocese of Qu'Appelle

We would buy a house in St. Albert, probably spend about 500 thou on that, maybe less. I dont want something brand new, I like the older more established neighbourhoods, and I just can't imagine spending so much money on a home, it seems wasteful. I could see spending up to 500 thou for the house and new furnishings.

We would go visit our families, from coast to coast.

Put some away for Miss Mary's education.

Go to Ethiopia for a couple of months, but probably not for several years, I already am planning on taking Mary to Ethiopia when she is 13 years old, I don't see that changing.

Have babies, lots of 'em.

So, there you go, I have it all figured out. I would probably give more away I think, to smaller organizations in the neighbourhood here. I'd like to help the homeless and low income families in this neighbourhood if I could. I'd like to do something to help all the prostitutes who walk the street only blocks away from my home, even if it is just bringing them something warm to drink when the winter comes. With 40 mil, it would be easy to give money to all the organizations that I would like to help, and still have plenty of money left over to make sure that we are alright. As much as I like to look at fancy cars, and shiny things, I don't think I could ever justify spending even 50 thousand on a car, when our car is just fine, or 100 thou on a diamond ring, or whatever, when there are people out there who need to eat.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Blogger Hates My Guts

I'be been trying to post all weekend, but Blogger has been eating my posts, and telling me that "There Were Errors." Damn it. So this little post is just to see if I can post yet. And that goddamn blue bar is still all gibbled. What the hell?

Sunday, October 23, 2005

I was up way too late last night, and I hardly got any sleep. I think that this is the first time since Mary came into our lives that I can say that I was up till 3am, and it had nothing to do with the baby. Last night was the last Broken Wings game. I'm a little sad about it, I had alot of fun, and I don't really feel that I got alot of resolution for my character, but I think that's how it goes when a game ends, especially if you hadn't been playing your character from the very begining. I do think that the game ending was a good thing, if anything for Cori's mental well being. Running a game must be incredibly draining, and running one for 4 years straight can't be easy.

Note to self: In the future when going to by Mary gluten/wheat free foods from the local wheat free specialty store, remember not to wear the Saskatchewan Roughrider shirt that has "Real Women Eat Wheat" written across the front.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Is anyone surprised by this?

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!


Yesterday my mother phoned me about 32 times (yes, I'm exaggerating, but not much). It turns out that WestJet is having a seat sale, and Mum is tired of waiting for me to be able to afford to fly out to visit her. So...she bought Mary and I a plane ticket to go visit her! Whee! I'm very excited about it, I can't wait to see my Mum, the last time she saw Mary was at her baptism in march. My little brother hasn't met Mary yet, and I have several cousins, aunts and uncles who live in Vancouver. On top of it all, I love Vancouver. I love it I love it I love it. It's the best place in the world. I will go to Lonsdale Quay, and Granville Island. Mary and I will walk in Stanley Park, and feed the squirrels. Squee! I'm giddy.

In other news, Miss Mary has indeed lost her voice. This afternoon the only sounds she has made is a deep croak, or a high pitched squeak. It would be funny if it were not so pathetic, and I didn't feel so bad for the poor little critter.

Tonight is the Purgatory party at V&I's place. I'm looking forward to it, but I suspect that we won't be able to stay very long, which is too bad. Things sure have changed since Mary came, and you know, sometimes I miss the life we had before, the late nights and lack of responsibilities...but really, I just can't imagine going back to that. I certainly don't resent her, although I was afraid that I would when I was pregnant. She just brings so much joy into my life, I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Friday Baby blogging


Here she is, my happy baby. Is that what her smile looks like? I can't remember...teething and a bad cold at the same time make for not alot of fun. Although, after all the screaming and the stuffed up nose, she seems to be loosing her voice - it's very hoarse and squeaky. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Defective Immune System

Miss Mary is getting another cold, damn it. So far the only outward symptom is a seriously runny nose and she's a touch more impatient than usual (which is very very impatient, let me tell you). I'm a little concerned that she has inherited my funky immune problem. I really wouldn't wish it on anyone, as slight as it is, and I certainly don't want her to have to deal with it. At least if she has it, I will believe her and it'll be diagnosed before she is 25.

Mary has a new toy! It's the best toy in the world! The other day she got her hands on the phone book, and managed to rip a chunk off the cover. It's a little chunk, really, smaller than a playing card, but she loves it. The first thing she does in the morning is hunt for it. When she finds it, she holds it high over her head and shouts in triumph. Eventually she will stop dragging it around with her, but every once in a while she comes across it, and it is a joyous reunion.

Last night I was watching Corner Gas. I love that show, and being from Saskatchewan and having lived in small town Saskatchewan, I really identify with a lot of the characters. Anyways, last night they did a spoof on "The Littlest Hobo," and it was very funny. I was thinking about my baby brother, who is now going to school to be a sommelier (is that how it's spelled?) in Vancouver. Anyways, until he was 12, every time he watched The Littlest Hobo he would cry, especially at the end when they played the theme song. I wonder if he still does?

Monday, October 17, 2005

Sir Elton Dog

I've been thinking a lot lately about our dog, Sir Elton. It's been over a year now since we gave him away, and most of the misery of owning him has faded in my mind, only the nice parts are left. I miss him sometimes (I will never own another dog, especially not another 75lb dog). He was really a good dog, all in all. We got him from a greyhound rescue organization, and he had come all the way from Mobile Alabama. He was a very handsome boy, his colouring was dark brindle, and he was huge...well, not huge so much as very tall and pointy.

Elton was one of the dumbest dogs I had ever met, and working in Vet clinics for 10 years, I have met a lot of dumb dogs. In spite of that, he was one of the gentlest, kindest animals I've ever dealt with. All he ever wanted was to make us happy, and to love us. He would climb up on the couch when we were watching TV, and try to cuddle with us on our laps, and every night it was a fight to convince him that he had to sleep on the floor and not in bed with us. He loved to go out into our yard and run as fast as he could in circles around our house.

He was a huge pain in the ass. He had severe separation anxiety, and every day we would come home from work to new surprises. He tore the fabric off the front of my couch, he ate my dresser, he tore up every bedsheet we owned, and he ate garbage. Oh, did he ever eat garbage. No matter how inventive we were at hiding it from him, he could get too it. I remember the day we actually decided to put all the garbage outside...we were walking up the front steps and I was saying how nice it would be to come home and not find garbage shredded and strewn all over the house. We walked in, and looked around...and there was rice from one end of the house to the other. We had gone grocery shopping the night before, and bought a 5lb bag of rice, and left it on the counter. I turned around, and left the house, I knew that I would end up killing the dog if I stayed in the house. Ian was smart enough to have the dog outside and the rice cleaned up when I got back from my walk.

Elton was an escape artist, and from time to time he would get out of the yard, usually after he slipped his collar (easy to do when your head is half the size of your neck). He would dance down the street, shooting from tree to tree, keeping just ahead of me, and driving me to distraction. One time, after I finally caught him, I was trying to lead him home without a leash or collar. A gentleman in his car kindly stopped for us, and Elton decided that he would not move from in front of the car. He howled and cried, and finally I had to pick him up and carry him home...he howled the whole way.

One time Ian and I were out for a walk with him, and a Rottweiler got away from it's owner, and came straight for our sweet gentle boy. I was 4 months pregnant, and all I could think about was protecting Elton from this nasty dog. I remember pounding on the dog, and kicking it, as Elton cried and tried to hide behind me. It was absolutely awful, and the other dog tore a chunk out of Elton. I was absolutely devastated, and Elton was traumatized. We ended up spending 3 hours in the emergency clinic while he was being stitched up.

Shortly after the incident with the Rottweiler, we decided that we needed to give Elton away. He needed a tonne of attention and special care, and with a baby on the way, we knew that it wouldn't be fair to him. We just couldn't give him the care he needed. So, one day we packed him up into the car and drove down to Calgary to give him to a family who loved Greyhounds, had a beautiful big house, and 3 other dogs. It was so hard to drive away from him, I cried almost the whole way back to Edmonton.

I hope that he is happy and well, he deserves to have a family who lavish attention and love on him.