Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Response

The post I made a few days ago on the young woman who murdered her baby has gotten a lot of comments, and not all of them were agreeing with me. I certainly didn't expect people to see my point of view, in fact, it was one of those posts that gave me butterflies when I posted it. I was concerned that people out there would be offended by my point of view. Some were, but everyone who commented here was nice and polite. Someone just posted a comment that I wanted to adress more fully though.

Okay, I'll bite...

How, then, do you fathom that a sane woman kills her child, KNOWING it is wrong, and being 100% sane. How can you be sane and kill your baby?

Those who know me to be quick to judge on just about every aspect of life and politics. But after what I went though this past year I have to have some sympathy for any mother that finds a way to rationalize killing their baby.

If you think you are disturbed by it imagine living with killing your baby for the rest of your life.

I have met women who can not be alone in a room with their children, and haven't been able to do so for years. These women are suffering from a far more real thing than any one who hasn't been there can imagine. And when we would meet, their sorrow was like a giant elephant in the room.

Compared to them, I was lucky. But I am also very aware that I was not only not myself, but I was unable to come back from a very scary, and very real place. And again, those who know me know me to have an iron will.

Perhaps it is overdiagnosed, but PPD is real, and while I don't condone killing babies I think its incredibly dangerous dismiss it entirely. Remembering of course that there are only a few extreme cases... And probably EVERY time depression related murder happens it gets reported by our wonderfully oversensationalist media.

I am also sad that there is no longer any funding in Mental Health for PPD. In our community the breif intervention clinique has been closed, leaving women who are suffering after they have a baby with a THREE WEEK WAITING LIST to get help. This is disturbing to me because had I waited 3 weeks God only knows how much further down the road I would have been.

I have chosen to see a Naturapath for my remaining symptoms, which costs alot of money and requires a ridiculous amount of commitment. Not every one has that luxery. And while I have been strictly synical until now about anti-depressants I think its that attitude that keeps people who really need the drugs from taking them... and that's how this shit happens.

Woh! I just started typing and this all just came out! Sorry about that... Its just a really really complex issue and some of the general disdain in the other comments were just to black and white for me.

Nice Blog my friend. Its my first visit!



I really have to adress the first sentance: "How, then, do you fathom that a sane woman kills her child, KNOWING it is wrong, and being 100% sane. How can you be sane and kill your baby?"

Really, when you put it that way, can you be sane and kill anyone? And that is my point in a nutshell. This girl killed her baby, and I really don't think that it ought to be seen as any different than if she killed her brother, her mother, her neighbour, a stranger on the street or five Amish girls in a one room school. Murder is murder. Yes, it's tough for new mothers, and maybe there ought to be more funding out there for PPD. Though in my experience the moment someone thought that I might have PPD, I wasn't left alone for months. The fact is, this girl wasn't willing to look for help, due to whatever reason. Not three weeks, not three days, not even 3 hours.

Now, don't get me wrong. I feel for the girl, really I do. I can't imagine what happened to her to make her think that her only choice was to wrap her underwear around her newborns neck and toss him over the fence into the neighbours yard. I can't imagine that her life will ever be easy, in or out of jail, she will have to carry the knowledge that she killed her baby forever. I certainly don't believe that her family is blameless. I would hope that if Mary were to ever get herself pregnant, one, she would feel able to speak with Ian and I about it, and two, if she chose to keep it a secret, we would be involved enough in her life that we would notice that something was up.

I think that mental illness, while it is a very real and terrible thing, is too often used as an excuse. Be it the nurse in Northern Alberta who poisoned and stole from her fellow employees for months before getting caught, to the young mother who murders her baby, to the US Congressman who writes inappropriate emails to teenage pages and blames being abused when he was a child. People need to take responsibilites for their actions, and need to learn to deal with the consequences. We all live through trauma, we all suffer and survive and carry on with our lives. The vast majority of us know the difference between right and wrong, and should be able to control our impulses.

1 comment:

Lulu said...

Well said, well said.