Has been the pits. Absolutely the pits. Between Miss Frances being ill for months on end, the crappy weather, and the loss of Tybalt and Rupert, I really didn't think it could get much worse. It did though, oh boy did it ever.
Two weeks ago Ian came home from work late. I was angry with him because I had expected him at supper, and when I tried to call he wasn't answering his cell. When he finally walked in the door I was geared up for a fight, but the moment I looked at him, I knew something was Very Wrong. He had lost his job that day. I'm not going into specifics because we have taken this to the Saskatchewan Labour Relations Board, but I will say that things about his termination were extremely fishy, and the situation was not at all well handled by his employer. Because of what they did and how they treated it, Ian is unlikely to qualify for any sort of Employment Insurance or assistance getting training. We have been working to find him a job for the last two weeks, sending out his resume to different places every day, and after two weeks he has not received one phone call back. Not one. In short, we are fucked. Seriously, and utterly fucked. We aren't going to be able to pay the mortgage, bills or buy groceries very soon. I started a new job this past week working for an answering service. It's good, I am really enjoying working, but ten dollars an hour for 20 or so hours a week is not going to even begin to solve our problems. I mean, I know that it's better than nothing, but it's not going to pay or mortgage, let alone buy food and pay the bills.
So, things around here are definitely Not Great. It's hard to look on the bright side of things, to find the Grace in Small Things, when all I can do is worry about what on earth is going to happen to us, and wonder how we will make it through this. I keep thinking how this move to Saskatchewan, the move that was supposed to make everything easier, has failed utterly in that regard. We're at the point where Ian is considering going back to Ironworking. Going back to being out of town for months at a time. I had a hard time dealing with that when I was in Edmonton, with the city and a bus load of friends to keep me sane. I don't know if I can do it in Milestone, where my closest friend lives an hour away in Lumsden and I have virtually no other support system in place.
Anyways. 2009 has been the pits. The day after Ian lost his job in a most fishy and unacceptable manner, I found out that my mother is having some health issues. Some potentially Very Serious health issues. The type of issues that normally would make me cry a whole lot, and need to throw up some. There's nothing concrete yet, we are still waiting for some tests to be done. I am clinging to that thought, even though I know enough to understand that this is not likely to be something benign and happy. We are preparing for a diagnosis that begins with the letter "C", and I'm not sure I can deal with that. The thing is, my Mother has been a smoker since she was 14 years old. The thing is that where the lumps have been found, well, that means Bad Things. If those lumps are C___ it means that the C___ is everywhere. If that's what it is. I keep telling myself that. We don't actually know that it's C___ yet. Except I'm pretty sure I do know that's exactly what it is. Here's where I'm going to sound a little hysterical, a little like a crazy person, but this is my blog, and it's okay. See, when I was a kid, my Dad had C___. They tried to hide it from me, because that's what parents do, I guess. They didn't want to ruin my summer. They held off on my dad going to the hospital till I was away at camp. They wanted me to have fun. The thing is that I already knew that my Dad had cancer. I had a miserable time at camp, and I was incredibly angry with them for not telling me. Fast forward many many years. Five years ago, Ian's dad got sick. No one really knew what was going on, even the doctors. I knew. I knew the moment Ian's Mum first called to tell us that his Dad wasn't doing well. From that moment, I started telling Ian to prepare himself for the worst. I started telling Ian that we needed to save our money so he could go to Halifax. I knew 4 months before the doctors figured it out. And now. I know too. I just know. I really wish I didn't, but I do.
I've been trying to be optimistic, but it's hard. It's so incredibly hard. I'm not an optimist by nature, I never have been. I've always looked at the world through the opposite of rose coloured glasses. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I don't know how much longer I can keep being supportive of Ian. I don't know how much longer I can force myself to stay happy and calm in front of the girls. I don't know how much longer I can force the C-word out of my mind every time it creeps in unbidden. I don't know what we are going to do, and I don't know how we are going to do it, and I'm terrified.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
GiST #5
This whole finding things to be thankful for is harder than it looks, especially these last few months. I feel very much like I'm stuck in some hell dimension, where everyone around me is sick and needy, and they are sucking the life right out of me. Frances, Ian, and now Mary...it's just never ending. In better news, Frances has been referred to a pediatric allergist in Saskatoon for her constant sicks. I just spoke to the receptionist and we have an appointment booked for April 15th. Also, I finally made an appointment with the family doctor for the terrible gastrointestinal issues which have been plaguing me for months, but I've not had time to worry about because I've been so busy caring for others.
I'm not even going to go into the terrible money problems we are having right now, other than to say that I don't know how people do it, and I don't know what we are going to do or how we are going to carry on this way. I could get a job, but because I have no education beyond high school, the best I can hope for is a low paying retail job. As I learned in the fall, I'm unlikely to find something that will make it worth my while after paying for daycare and gasoline to get too and from work. If I'm going to work, which is something I don't want to do in the first place, it's going to have to be worth it. I'll need to bring in at least as much as we get in our child tax benefit (which I'll lose when I start working) after paying for daycare and gas. Huh. I guess I did go into it a little bit after all.
Last night I went to my first punk rock concert! It was quite an enjoyable experience, though I have absolutely no voice this morning.
On to my Grace in Small Things:
1. The fact that we have a medical system in this country where I can take my sick children to the doctor without worrying about going bankrupt.
2. The fact that anyone in this country can do the above.
3. Scottish Punk Rockers with pierced nipples, tattoo's, bagpipes and kilts.
4. The snowman named Walter melting away in my front yard, and my husband and daughters pride at successfully making their first ever snowman.
5. The thick ice fog that just appears in the evenings, blanketing everything with white, muffling sounds, and leaving a beautiful thick frost on the trees in the morning.
I'm not even going to go into the terrible money problems we are having right now, other than to say that I don't know how people do it, and I don't know what we are going to do or how we are going to carry on this way. I could get a job, but because I have no education beyond high school, the best I can hope for is a low paying retail job. As I learned in the fall, I'm unlikely to find something that will make it worth my while after paying for daycare and gasoline to get too and from work. If I'm going to work, which is something I don't want to do in the first place, it's going to have to be worth it. I'll need to bring in at least as much as we get in our child tax benefit (which I'll lose when I start working) after paying for daycare and gas. Huh. I guess I did go into it a little bit after all.
Last night I went to my first punk rock concert! It was quite an enjoyable experience, though I have absolutely no voice this morning.
On to my Grace in Small Things:
1. The fact that we have a medical system in this country where I can take my sick children to the doctor without worrying about going bankrupt.
2. The fact that anyone in this country can do the above.
3. Scottish Punk Rockers with pierced nipples, tattoo's, bagpipes and kilts.
4. The snowman named Walter melting away in my front yard, and my husband and daughters pride at successfully making their first ever snowman.
5. The thick ice fog that just appears in the evenings, blanketing everything with white, muffling sounds, and leaving a beautiful thick frost on the trees in the morning.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
GiST #4
I had a bizarre dream last night about my family and a friend of mine. It was strange, because usually in my dreams I either don't have children and a husband, or if I do have them, they're far away in the dream. I very rarely dream in the detail that I had last night either unless I'm pregnant (I'm not). Anyways, I emailed the dream first thing in the morning to my friend, and he had an interesting idea about the dream which I hadn't thought of, but in hindsight makes a pile of sense.
At the rink yesterday, a child came up to me, she was about 10 years old. She asked me why my hair was so pink, and I told her it was because I don't eat my veggies. Her brow furrowed as her Mum laughed behind her, and finally, she looked at me and said with great intensity "But....what does that mean??"
I made banana chocolate chip pancakes for lunch today. Yum.
On to my Grace in Small Things:
1) Overripe bananas.
2) Crock Pots.
3) Strong winds bringing warm weather.
4) An insightful friend.
5) A cup of hot tea waiting for me in the morning.
At the rink yesterday, a child came up to me, she was about 10 years old. She asked me why my hair was so pink, and I told her it was because I don't eat my veggies. Her brow furrowed as her Mum laughed behind her, and finally, she looked at me and said with great intensity "But....what does that mean??"
I made banana chocolate chip pancakes for lunch today. Yum.
On to my Grace in Small Things:
1) Overripe bananas.
2) Crock Pots.
3) Strong winds bringing warm weather.
4) An insightful friend.
5) A cup of hot tea waiting for me in the morning.
Friday, February 27, 2009
GiSt #3
Since dying my hair pink, I have been a much happier person. How strange is that? The kids at preschool were all extremely impressed with my hair.
On to my list.
1) Pink.
2) Garlic.
3) Morning snuggles from Mary.
4) Frances belly laughing.
5) Sundogs (not because of what they mean, but because of how pretty they are).
On to my list.
1) Pink.
2) Garlic.
3) Morning snuggles from Mary.
4) Frances belly laughing.
5) Sundogs (not because of what they mean, but because of how pretty they are).
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Pinkedness
I spent the night at Cenobyte's place, and when I woke up this morning I had a terrible headache and pink hair. See?
Really the pictures don't do the level of pink justice. The light in here is pretty awful. You'll have to take my word when I say that against the white white snow, in the sun....my hair is almost blindingly pink. It's so pink, it glows.
I stopped at McDonalds for cheeseburgers to bring home to Ian and Mary as a peace offering for disappearing for a full day. The girl at the drive thru who took my order looked at me, and her eyes got wider and wider. Finally she said "That....that's some pink hair, you've got there. Didja loose a bet?" I said "Yes. Yes it is, and no, I just like pink." The girl nodded seriously and quietly, and finally, as she was handing me my change said "Well...you have a...really...you just have a nice day." I'm absolutely positive that if she had been able, she would have backed slowly away from me.
Mary, however, approves of the pink hair. She keeps looking at me with this amazed, admiring expression on her face. When I ask her what she's looking at she sighs and says "Mama. Your hair is pink. SO pink." I have a little dye left, and I may give her a couple of pink streaks of her own tonight.
Really the pictures don't do the level of pink justice. The light in here is pretty awful. You'll have to take my word when I say that against the white white snow, in the sun....my hair is almost blindingly pink. It's so pink, it glows.
I stopped at McDonalds for cheeseburgers to bring home to Ian and Mary as a peace offering for disappearing for a full day. The girl at the drive thru who took my order looked at me, and her eyes got wider and wider. Finally she said "That....that's some pink hair, you've got there. Didja loose a bet?" I said "Yes. Yes it is, and no, I just like pink." The girl nodded seriously and quietly, and finally, as she was handing me my change said "Well...you have a...really...you just have a nice day." I'm absolutely positive that if she had been able, she would have backed slowly away from me.
Mary, however, approves of the pink hair. She keeps looking at me with this amazed, admiring expression on her face. When I ask her what she's looking at she sighs and says "Mama. Your hair is pink. SO pink." I have a little dye left, and I may give her a couple of pink streaks of her own tonight.
Monday, February 23, 2009
GiST #2
Look at me go! Two days in a row, right?
1. Paranoid Android
2. Tragically Hip
3. The silence that comes after the children go to bed.
4. The busy noise that fills the house before the children go to bed.
5. Being introduced to new music by a friend in the wee hours of the morning.
Visit Grace in Small Things
1. Paranoid Android
2. Tragically Hip
3. The silence that comes after the children go to bed.
4. The busy noise that fills the house before the children go to bed.
5. Being introduced to new music by a friend in the wee hours of the morning.
Visit Grace in Small Things
Sunday, February 22, 2009
GiST #1
Because I am a follower, and because I've been getting overwhelmed by the negative lately, I've decided to try this whole Grace in Small Things. The basic idea as I understand it is to post 5 small things for which I am grateful every day for a year. Now, I'm not sure I'll be able to do this every day, but I'm certainly going to do my best to do it every week at the very least.
Here we go.
1) The sound of my cats purring.
2) A cold nose in the morning, when the rest of my body is cozy and warm under the covers.
3) The smell of onions frying.
4) Miss Vickies potato chips.
5) Guy Gavriel Kay.
Here we go.
1) The sound of my cats purring.
2) A cold nose in the morning, when the rest of my body is cozy and warm under the covers.
3) The smell of onions frying.
4) Miss Vickies potato chips.
5) Guy Gavriel Kay.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Nihilist Mary
Tonight, while I was washing the dishes, Mary sang a song for me, and I've written it down to share it with you.
Nothing
(Sung to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)
Twinkle twinkle little nothing,
How I wonder why you are
Up above the world so high
Like a nothing in the sky.
(At this point the singer should wander away, mumbling nonsense)
I think that it's really quite deep.
Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. I'll get better, I promise.
February hasn't been great. I lost two cats at the beginning of the month, and I've been drinking far too much.
On the plus side, I spent the last couple of days in Lumsden enjoying the company of wonderful people and drinking too much. Also, I now have a ring made out of a spoon.
Nothing
(Sung to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)
Twinkle twinkle little nothing,
How I wonder why you are
Up above the world so high
Like a nothing in the sky.
(At this point the singer should wander away, mumbling nonsense)
I think that it's really quite deep.
Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. I'll get better, I promise.
February hasn't been great. I lost two cats at the beginning of the month, and I've been drinking far too much.
On the plus side, I spent the last couple of days in Lumsden enjoying the company of wonderful people and drinking too much. Also, I now have a ring made out of a spoon.
Monday, February 02, 2009
February
I missed a whole month!
It's February. If something bad is going to happen to my family, it will be in February. Life, or whatever, takes the time in February to kick us in the teeth. Every February. This February is no different. My house reeks of spoiled meat. Several hundred dollars worth of spoiled meat. A deep freeze full of spoiled meat.
This is only the first day. What other treasures are in store for us?
I think I might skip February all together this year.
It's February. If something bad is going to happen to my family, it will be in February. Life, or whatever, takes the time in February to kick us in the teeth. Every February. This February is no different. My house reeks of spoiled meat. Several hundred dollars worth of spoiled meat. A deep freeze full of spoiled meat.
This is only the first day. What other treasures are in store for us?
I think I might skip February all together this year.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Four
She's four years old today. My table is covered in Princess gift bags, Princess wrapping paper, Princess clothes, Princess shoes, Princess movies. She keeps saying "It's wonderful, Mummy! Just wonderful! It's gorgeous!"
What happened to the baby, or the toddler? Where have the last four years gone?
Also, I just finished making a Black Forest Cake for Mary's birthday, and it looks not half bad.
When did we get from this:
To this?
What happened to the baby, or the toddler? Where have the last four years gone?
Also, I just finished making a Black Forest Cake for Mary's birthday, and it looks not half bad.
When did we get from this:
To this?
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Not So Merry
I just spent the morning in the city. Frances is still sick. Sicker, really. She's had a fever hovering just below 40 degrees celsius (104 Fahrenheit) since yesterday afternoon. She's not eating, she's lethargic and very obviously in pain somewhere. We took her to the doctor, got her checked out, went for bloodwork, got some new antibiotics and are now home. The Dr. said that if her temperature stays as high as it is, that tonight we should take her to the hospital. Being a natural worrier, I tend to jump to WORST CASE SCENARIO MADE FOR TV!!! conclusions when things go poorly, especially with my children. The fact that Frances also has several scary and oddly unexplainable bruises is wigging me out just a little bit. I am trying not to freak out. I'm trying to stay calm and rational, and on the outside, I'm succeeding pretty well I think. Inside though, I am a quivering mass of worry and panic.
Anyways, Merry Christmas to you all. May your holidays be better than mine.
Anyways, Merry Christmas to you all. May your holidays be better than mine.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sick
It's been a while, eh?
The last month has disappeared in a haze of germs and coughing. Frances, Mary and I have all been sick pretty for pretty much the whole month. Fun fun. Today we took the girls for a recheck, the Dr. took one listen to Frannies chest and sent her off for x-rays. Turns out Miss Fran has pneumonia. I feel like a stellar parent.
Anyways, other than being sick, and trying not to freeze (-46?? WTF??), we haven't been doing much. Preschool, dance and skating are taking up Mary's time when we are able to leave the house. Frances' vocabulary is developing in leaps and bounds. She is getting very good at making her desires known. She also knows some sign language, which she uses frequently.
Ian's Christmas party for work was last month, before the long stretch of sick. We had a wonderful childless weekend of party, shopping, fancy dinner and concert going. It was a wonderful refresher, and it served to remind me why I married Ian in the first place. I wish we could go out on child free dates more often that twice a year.
So, that's really all that's been happening. The next couple of weeks will be filled with Christmas preparations and baking, administering medication and fighting over toys.
If I don't update this again before the time comes, Merry Christmas to you all, and have a wonderful New Year!
The last month has disappeared in a haze of germs and coughing. Frances, Mary and I have all been sick pretty for pretty much the whole month. Fun fun. Today we took the girls for a recheck, the Dr. took one listen to Frannies chest and sent her off for x-rays. Turns out Miss Fran has pneumonia. I feel like a stellar parent.
Anyways, other than being sick, and trying not to freeze (-46?? WTF??), we haven't been doing much. Preschool, dance and skating are taking up Mary's time when we are able to leave the house. Frances' vocabulary is developing in leaps and bounds. She is getting very good at making her desires known. She also knows some sign language, which she uses frequently.
Ian's Christmas party for work was last month, before the long stretch of sick. We had a wonderful childless weekend of party, shopping, fancy dinner and concert going. It was a wonderful refresher, and it served to remind me why I married Ian in the first place. I wish we could go out on child free dates more often that twice a year.
So, that's really all that's been happening. The next couple of weeks will be filled with Christmas preparations and baking, administering medication and fighting over toys.
If I don't update this again before the time comes, Merry Christmas to you all, and have a wonderful New Year!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Politics and Love
So, when it comes to Canadian politics, most of the players are...well...boring and old. It's no surprise to me that most Canadians paid more attention to the American elections than to our own. There's not a lot of charisma in Ottawa. Anyways, one politician that I have always loved is Justin Trudeau, the son of Pierre Trudeau - the closest thing Canada has ever had to a political Rock Star. I don't know much about Justin, save that he is super cute, extremely charismatic, and he lives in Quebec. Also, if my dreams lately have any truth to them, he is amazing in the sack. For the last week I have been fornicating in my sleep with Justin in all sorts of exciting ways that I won't go in too here. He has my vote.
(Better Justin Trudeau than Brad Wall, eh?)
(Better Justin Trudeau than Brad Wall, eh?)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
My Favourite Quiz Result Thus Far.
Your result for Reincarnation Placement Exam...
The Pleasure Dome of Kublai Khan
34% Civilization, 74% Humanity, 44% Urbanization, 51% Danger, 70% Exoticness, 32% Chaos, 78% Hedonism.
You were a little difficult to place. You want a world that's exotic, but still very civilized and under control. And your answers indicate you don't give a fig for technology, education, urbanization and all the benefits thereof -- but you still have a great fondness for the human beings who tend to pursue these things.
Well, we have something for you that should be something of a treat. You won't get out much. But we don't think you'll mind.
In the Pleasure Dome of Kublai Khan, you are born and bred to serve pleasure all your days. Physically beautiful and mentally geared toward pure pleasure, you will spend your allotted days subjected to all manner of hedonistic play and sensual experimentation. You need never suffer a moment of pain, nor of sobriety. Cuddle up, honey, relax and enjoy yourself.
You kinky pervert.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Halloween
Hello there,
Things have been trucking along as usual here since my last post. Mary is getting busier and busier. She now has Preschool two mornings a week, Dancing one evening, and skating two afternoons a week. We had our first skating class this past Wednesday, and Mary seems to remember everything from last year. She is well on her way to being a better skater than I am. Her language is also developing apace now that her hearing is pretty much perfect. She's so smart, and she loves to learn. We have a picture book of animals that we got her last year for Christmas, and it is her bedtime favourite lately. Every night we sit with her, and she tells us every animal in the book. "That's a Bamboon! That's a 'Rangtang. That's a Bottle-Nose-Dolphin. That's a Red-Eyed Tree Frog. Look! A Wombat!" God it's cute.
Frances is also growing and turning into a neat little person. She's still annoying from time to time, but man she's adorable. She loves people now, and has whole conversations in her own special language. When Mary was this age the noises she made very guttural (now we know she couldn't hear, so it makes sense), so I used to joke about her speaking Klingon. Frances uses long, intricate sounds, her tone rises up and down like she's actually conversing. I believe she's speaking Elven. Frances is also at the age where one discovers the joy of the temper tantrum, and man, can she throw a tantrum to make my ears bleed. She flings herself to the ground, screams, and not content with just that, she also pounds her head on the floor in rage. It's really quite appalling.
Anyways, here are some halloween pictures for your enjoyment.
Things have been trucking along as usual here since my last post. Mary is getting busier and busier. She now has Preschool two mornings a week, Dancing one evening, and skating two afternoons a week. We had our first skating class this past Wednesday, and Mary seems to remember everything from last year. She is well on her way to being a better skater than I am. Her language is also developing apace now that her hearing is pretty much perfect. She's so smart, and she loves to learn. We have a picture book of animals that we got her last year for Christmas, and it is her bedtime favourite lately. Every night we sit with her, and she tells us every animal in the book. "That's a Bamboon! That's a 'Rangtang. That's a Bottle-Nose-Dolphin. That's a Red-Eyed Tree Frog. Look! A Wombat!" God it's cute.
Frances is also growing and turning into a neat little person. She's still annoying from time to time, but man she's adorable. She loves people now, and has whole conversations in her own special language. When Mary was this age the noises she made very guttural (now we know she couldn't hear, so it makes sense), so I used to joke about her speaking Klingon. Frances uses long, intricate sounds, her tone rises up and down like she's actually conversing. I believe she's speaking Elven. Frances is also at the age where one discovers the joy of the temper tantrum, and man, can she throw a tantrum to make my ears bleed. She flings herself to the ground, screams, and not content with just that, she also pounds her head on the floor in rage. It's really quite appalling.
Anyways, here are some halloween pictures for your enjoyment.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Beautiful Princesses
Once again it looks as though I've neglected my blog. For a whole month this time! Jeez.
Things here have been interesting. I spent a week away from home, all by myself, and it really was quite fantastic. I flew to Abbotsford (Vancouver), picked up a rented car, and the next day drove my mother and her cats to their new home in Edmonton. Things went mostly smoothly with only one or two little bumps. The drive was wonderful, it was a perfect day to go through the mountains. My mothers new appartment is really quite fabulous, and in a perfect area for her. A walk away from downtown, a walk away from the grocery store, and less than a block away from major bus routes. I'm awfully happy for her, and I can't wait to visit again. I also got to do some visiting in Edmonton which was nice. I spent a few days in Edmonton, and then I hitched a ride to Saskatoon with Rico and his roommate. There was a Firefly game in S'toon, which was fantastic and most of the Edmonton crowd was there. I also ran into and caught up with an old friend who I haven't seen in about 15 years.
Mary started preschool while I was away, and she seems to be really enjoying it. She goes every tuesday and thursday morning for two hours. It's nice to get a break from her and spend some time alone with Frances, and it seems to be doing wonders for Mary. She also started dance class this week, every tuesday evening at 5:30. Once skating starts on mondays and wednesdays she is going to be a very busy little girl. She can't remember anyones name though, so she's told me that her dance instructor, her preschool teacher and three kids in her class are all named Sarah. I got suspicious pretty quick - there can't be that many people named Sarah in a town of 500...
Frances started walking while I was away, and now she is rarely not on her feet. Ian calls it a "zombie lurch" more than a walk, but she's working on it and she gets smoother every day. She still isn't sleeping through the night.
Mary is still crazy about Princesses. I really have no idea how I managed to raise such a girly little thing, but rather than resist I've decided to run with it. For the last few weeks Mary has been asking me to paint her fingers - I assumed she meant her fingernails. So, today I did it, I painted my 3 year olds fingernails. She was very careful and didn't move her hands at all while the polish dried, and she is so darned proud of her "beautiful princess fingers" that she can hardly contain herself. I couldn't get a very good picture of her hands, but here are a couple of the best -
She's still walking around with her fingers spread like that right now, about 90 minutes later.
Things here have been interesting. I spent a week away from home, all by myself, and it really was quite fantastic. I flew to Abbotsford (Vancouver), picked up a rented car, and the next day drove my mother and her cats to their new home in Edmonton. Things went mostly smoothly with only one or two little bumps. The drive was wonderful, it was a perfect day to go through the mountains. My mothers new appartment is really quite fabulous, and in a perfect area for her. A walk away from downtown, a walk away from the grocery store, and less than a block away from major bus routes. I'm awfully happy for her, and I can't wait to visit again. I also got to do some visiting in Edmonton which was nice. I spent a few days in Edmonton, and then I hitched a ride to Saskatoon with Rico and his roommate. There was a Firefly game in S'toon, which was fantastic and most of the Edmonton crowd was there. I also ran into and caught up with an old friend who I haven't seen in about 15 years.
Mary started preschool while I was away, and she seems to be really enjoying it. She goes every tuesday and thursday morning for two hours. It's nice to get a break from her and spend some time alone with Frances, and it seems to be doing wonders for Mary. She also started dance class this week, every tuesday evening at 5:30. Once skating starts on mondays and wednesdays she is going to be a very busy little girl. She can't remember anyones name though, so she's told me that her dance instructor, her preschool teacher and three kids in her class are all named Sarah. I got suspicious pretty quick - there can't be that many people named Sarah in a town of 500...
Frances started walking while I was away, and now she is rarely not on her feet. Ian calls it a "zombie lurch" more than a walk, but she's working on it and she gets smoother every day. She still isn't sleeping through the night.
Mary is still crazy about Princesses. I really have no idea how I managed to raise such a girly little thing, but rather than resist I've decided to run with it. For the last few weeks Mary has been asking me to paint her fingers - I assumed she meant her fingernails. So, today I did it, I painted my 3 year olds fingernails. She was very careful and didn't move her hands at all while the polish dried, and she is so darned proud of her "beautiful princess fingers" that she can hardly contain herself. I couldn't get a very good picture of her hands, but here are a couple of the best -
She's still walking around with her fingers spread like that right now, about 90 minutes later.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Employment
Wow, it's been a while, eh? Hopefully someone still reads this and I'm not just talking to myself.
Things have been good, I guess. Finances are still tough, but I have a job interview for a position which I will likely be the most qualified by a mile. It's working at a veterinary supply store in Regina, and it's really kind of perfect, as long as it pays well enough to justify the gas and daycare costs. It's a monday to friday gig, 9 - 5:30, which, like I said, is pretty much perfect. I'm nervous about the interview, I'm nervous about working again (it's been an awfully long time), but the more I think about it, the more excited I get. It'll be nice to get out of the house, to be able to afford new clothing, Christmas gifts, maybe even an evening class (I'm thinking bellydancing or Tribal).
I've been meeting more people - in the city of course. I have pretty much written off Milestone as a lost cause. I'm kinda sick of being ignored, and watching my daughter be ignored too. I won't go into specifics now, because you've heard it all before, but living in a small town blows hairy goats.
My mother is officially moving to Edmonton, she has a job and an apartment. I'm flying out to BC on October 1st so I can drive her and the cats to their new home. I'm pretty excited about having her so much closer to us, it will be so much easier for us to visit with her on this side of the mountains. I'm also giddy excited about getting to see my E-Town friends after getting Mum moved in. I am trying very hard not to be bitter about the fact that if she had gotten her shit together and moved back eighteen months ago, we would not have left Edmonton. I am a little concerned that my time helping Mum move will make it harder for me to get a job, but the plane ticket has been bought, and I'm not going to leave my mother in the lurch...so...
We are expecting frost tonight, so here is a picture from our summer vacation in the Okanagan, one with me in it, and one that I don't hate too terribly much. I'm not fond of the hot hot heat of summertime, but there are certainly some lovely memories made when the sun is shining brightly.
Things have been good, I guess. Finances are still tough, but I have a job interview for a position which I will likely be the most qualified by a mile. It's working at a veterinary supply store in Regina, and it's really kind of perfect, as long as it pays well enough to justify the gas and daycare costs. It's a monday to friday gig, 9 - 5:30, which, like I said, is pretty much perfect. I'm nervous about the interview, I'm nervous about working again (it's been an awfully long time), but the more I think about it, the more excited I get. It'll be nice to get out of the house, to be able to afford new clothing, Christmas gifts, maybe even an evening class (I'm thinking bellydancing or Tribal).
I've been meeting more people - in the city of course. I have pretty much written off Milestone as a lost cause. I'm kinda sick of being ignored, and watching my daughter be ignored too. I won't go into specifics now, because you've heard it all before, but living in a small town blows hairy goats.
My mother is officially moving to Edmonton, she has a job and an apartment. I'm flying out to BC on October 1st so I can drive her and the cats to their new home. I'm pretty excited about having her so much closer to us, it will be so much easier for us to visit with her on this side of the mountains. I'm also giddy excited about getting to see my E-Town friends after getting Mum moved in. I am trying very hard not to be bitter about the fact that if she had gotten her shit together and moved back eighteen months ago, we would not have left Edmonton. I am a little concerned that my time helping Mum move will make it harder for me to get a job, but the plane ticket has been bought, and I'm not going to leave my mother in the lurch...so...
We are expecting frost tonight, so here is a picture from our summer vacation in the Okanagan, one with me in it, and one that I don't hate too terribly much. I'm not fond of the hot hot heat of summertime, but there are certainly some lovely memories made when the sun is shining brightly.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Pessimism
Those of you who know me well may have figured out that I am an eternal pessimist. I try not to be, but I often get wrapped up in my vision of the worst, and can't imagine anything but that vision happening. That's where I am right now.
I have to get a job. A full time job, probably in the city. Being a one income family is not working anymore, and we are more than broke. Our bills and groceries in a month add up to more than we bring in. It sucks. So, I'm going to get a job. We talked about me getting a job here in town, most likely at the gas station. I have decided though, that if I am going to get a job, I want it to be a decent one. So, I am looking at clerical type positions in the city. I type quickly and well, and I have lots of customer service experience, so I should be able to find something in time. The problem is, I really, REALLY don't want to work. It's not that I'm lazy, it's that the thought of someone else raising my daughters makes me physically ill. The things I will miss out on, the fact that I'll only be with them two days a week while someone else gets to be with them the rest of the time, the fact that I won't be around for Mary's first day of school, for the day that Frannie decides to actually walk on her feet, I'll miss all the funny conversations, the fights, the fun. It really upsets me. I couldn't sleep last night, this morning I keep crying...I'm a mess, and so far I've only applied for three jobs. I hate it, I don't want it, and I don't have a choice. Blargh.
Also, we ate meat that has since been recalled. I'm not thrilled about that either. I am a bit of a hypochondriac (though not as much as I used to be), and when Mary had some gastrointestinal upset this morning the first thing that went through my brain was "OMG! It's listeriosis! We're all going to DIE!" I quickly calmed myself, but I'm still a little worried. I suspect her tummy problems had more to do with McDonalds for lunch yesterday and the stinking heat, but I'm still watching her like a hawk. Symptoms of Listeria poisoning can show up anywhere from 2 to 90 days, so I have a lot of time to worry. Of course, when I'm working, I guess the babysitter'll have to watch out for that, eh?
I have to get a job. A full time job, probably in the city. Being a one income family is not working anymore, and we are more than broke. Our bills and groceries in a month add up to more than we bring in. It sucks. So, I'm going to get a job. We talked about me getting a job here in town, most likely at the gas station. I have decided though, that if I am going to get a job, I want it to be a decent one. So, I am looking at clerical type positions in the city. I type quickly and well, and I have lots of customer service experience, so I should be able to find something in time. The problem is, I really, REALLY don't want to work. It's not that I'm lazy, it's that the thought of someone else raising my daughters makes me physically ill. The things I will miss out on, the fact that I'll only be with them two days a week while someone else gets to be with them the rest of the time, the fact that I won't be around for Mary's first day of school, for the day that Frannie decides to actually walk on her feet, I'll miss all the funny conversations, the fights, the fun. It really upsets me. I couldn't sleep last night, this morning I keep crying...I'm a mess, and so far I've only applied for three jobs. I hate it, I don't want it, and I don't have a choice. Blargh.
Also, we ate meat that has since been recalled. I'm not thrilled about that either. I am a bit of a hypochondriac (though not as much as I used to be), and when Mary had some gastrointestinal upset this morning the first thing that went through my brain was "OMG! It's listeriosis! We're all going to DIE!" I quickly calmed myself, but I'm still a little worried. I suspect her tummy problems had more to do with McDonalds for lunch yesterday and the stinking heat, but I'm still watching her like a hawk. Symptoms of Listeria poisoning can show up anywhere from 2 to 90 days, so I have a lot of time to worry. Of course, when I'm working, I guess the babysitter'll have to watch out for that, eh?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Arranged Marriages
I have a friend in town who has two little boys. Her older guy, P, is a year older than Mary, and her younger is about 6 months younger than Frannie-Lou-Who. Mary and P have played together a few times and they seem to get along pretty well. P's Mother's name is not Charlie, but that's what we call her for some odd reason. I keep telling Mary, "Her name is R___," and Mary says "Yes! Charlie IS a Beautiful Princess Mama!" So, we call her Charlie. Anyways, Charlie shared a couple of conversations she had with P, and I would like to share them with you.
P's Musings on Relationships and Marriage.
P - Mom (Charlie is a Mom, unlike me, I am a Mum), so, when you were kids, Dad was your brother, right?
Charlie - Ah, no. No, Dad was never my brother.
P - Oh. So, dad was your brother?
Charlie - No. Let's not spread that rumour around town. Dad was NEVER my brother.
P - Oh, okay. So you and dad were friends when you were little?
Charlie - Yes, that's right. Daddy and I were friends when we were younger, before we got married.
P - So, you were Daddy's girlfriend when before you were married?
Charlie - Yup.
P - Oh! Just like Mary is my girlfriend, right?
Charlie - Uh. I guess so, yeah.
P - That's great! When Mary and I grow up we are going to get married, just like you and Dad!
Charlie - Really?
P - Yup!
P's Further Musings on Relationships, Age, and Why a Knowledge of Geography is Important when Considering Marriage.
P - Hey Mom, was Dad older than you when you were kids?
Charlie - Well, is Dad older than me now?
P - Yeah.
Charlie - Well, what do you think?
P - Mom, I don't know. Was he?
Charlie - Yes, Dad was older than me when we were little, just like he is now.
P - Huh. So, I'll always be a year older than Mary, right?
Charlie - Yes, you will always be older than Mary.
P - That's Great!
Charlie - Why is that great?
P - Because when Mary and I get older, we are going to get married! But only if she knows where Regina is.
Charlie - Why does she need to know where Regina is to marry you?
P - (Rolls eyes) Mom! Because Regina is where you go. When you want to get married you have to go to Regina.
So, there you have it. So long as Mary can find Regina, she's got a husband in waiting.
Things are going well this week in spite of the miserable heat. On Saturday evening the Prairie Players had a gathering at the farm of one of the members. It was a grand old time, though I'm thinking that I am far too old to consume as much coconut rum as I did that night. Poor Mary and Frances did not have a fully attentive mother on Sunday.
Potty training is going Very Well. We still have occasional accidents, but puddles are rarer and rarer these days, and Mary is more and more willing to go on the toilet. Yay! Our garbage in the last two weeks has been cut pretty much in half now that we are not using diapers for Mary, though she still wears a pull up at night. She is becoming even more fiercely independent now that she uses the potty, which is a blessing and a curse.
I have decided on a Project to keep me busy, but I'm not sure how it will work. I got a book full of recipe's for artisan sourdough breads, and I thought I might take a page from Goody's book and work my way through the book, baking one bread a week. My problem is that these breads require 5 different sourdough starters, and all sorts of fancy flours, not to mention some equipment that I don't have. I wouldn't have a problem with the starters if I had someone else who would like to take what I don't use and bake their own bread, but the closest sourdough baker I know is Goody, and Nebraska is a long way to ship fermenting flour, you know? Anyways, once I get a baking stone for my oven I will get more organized, I can't do much without one of those anyways.
Not much else is going on. I'm going to apply for a part time job at the local grocery store, if I can figure out how to write a resume when I haven't had a job in four years. If anyone out there can give me some advice, it'd sure be appreciated!
P's Musings on Relationships and Marriage.
P - Mom (Charlie is a Mom, unlike me, I am a Mum), so, when you were kids, Dad was your brother, right?
Charlie - Ah, no. No, Dad was never my brother.
P - Oh. So, dad was your brother?
Charlie - No. Let's not spread that rumour around town. Dad was NEVER my brother.
P - Oh, okay. So you and dad were friends when you were little?
Charlie - Yes, that's right. Daddy and I were friends when we were younger, before we got married.
P - So, you were Daddy's girlfriend when before you were married?
Charlie - Yup.
P - Oh! Just like Mary is my girlfriend, right?
Charlie - Uh. I guess so, yeah.
P - That's great! When Mary and I grow up we are going to get married, just like you and Dad!
Charlie - Really?
P - Yup!
P's Further Musings on Relationships, Age, and Why a Knowledge of Geography is Important when Considering Marriage.
P - Hey Mom, was Dad older than you when you were kids?
Charlie - Well, is Dad older than me now?
P - Yeah.
Charlie - Well, what do you think?
P - Mom, I don't know. Was he?
Charlie - Yes, Dad was older than me when we were little, just like he is now.
P - Huh. So, I'll always be a year older than Mary, right?
Charlie - Yes, you will always be older than Mary.
P - That's Great!
Charlie - Why is that great?
P - Because when Mary and I get older, we are going to get married! But only if she knows where Regina is.
Charlie - Why does she need to know where Regina is to marry you?
P - (Rolls eyes) Mom! Because Regina is where you go. When you want to get married you have to go to Regina.
So, there you have it. So long as Mary can find Regina, she's got a husband in waiting.
Things are going well this week in spite of the miserable heat. On Saturday evening the Prairie Players had a gathering at the farm of one of the members. It was a grand old time, though I'm thinking that I am far too old to consume as much coconut rum as I did that night. Poor Mary and Frances did not have a fully attentive mother on Sunday.
Potty training is going Very Well. We still have occasional accidents, but puddles are rarer and rarer these days, and Mary is more and more willing to go on the toilet. Yay! Our garbage in the last two weeks has been cut pretty much in half now that we are not using diapers for Mary, though she still wears a pull up at night. She is becoming even more fiercely independent now that she uses the potty, which is a blessing and a curse.
I have decided on a Project to keep me busy, but I'm not sure how it will work. I got a book full of recipe's for artisan sourdough breads, and I thought I might take a page from Goody's book and work my way through the book, baking one bread a week. My problem is that these breads require 5 different sourdough starters, and all sorts of fancy flours, not to mention some equipment that I don't have. I wouldn't have a problem with the starters if I had someone else who would like to take what I don't use and bake their own bread, but the closest sourdough baker I know is Goody, and Nebraska is a long way to ship fermenting flour, you know? Anyways, once I get a baking stone for my oven I will get more organized, I can't do much without one of those anyways.
Not much else is going on. I'm going to apply for a part time job at the local grocery store, if I can figure out how to write a resume when I haven't had a job in four years. If anyone out there can give me some advice, it'd sure be appreciated!
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