Thursday, April 21, 2005

Why we do not use smoke signals in the 21st century

I turned on the TV the other day to watch Regis and Kelly, and instead I saw this.

Close up of nondescript smokepipe, perhaps somewhere in Rome. Grayish smoke is pouring from it.

News announcer: Yes, there is definitely smoke coming from the pipe, and it looks white! Yes, I'm sure that is white smoke. What do you see there, Tom?

Tom: Hello? Can you hear me?

News announcer: Yes Tom, we can hear you. Tell us what you see.

Tom: Hello? Hello? Yes. Yes, as you can surely see, there is smoke coming from the pipe! This is a momentous day to be sure! Oh! The bells are ringing! Can you hear the...

News announcer (cutting Tom off): Tom, we have just received a report that the smoke coming from the pipe should actually be BLACK smoke. What do you have to say about that?

Tom: Yes, the smoke is definitely white, the bells are ringing, a new Pope has been elected!

News announcer: Tom, we have just been given word that the bells are actually the hour bells, it is now 6 PM in Rome.

Tom: Ah. Yes, it is 6 PM. I am now just being told that there are reports that the smoke should be black, not white.

News announcer: I see, Tom. So this means that the Cardinals have not decided on a new Pope yet?

Tom: That is correct. Hello? Hello, can you hear me? (loud roaring drowns out Tom for a moment.)

News announcer: Tom? Tom? Can you describe the mood in St. Peters Square for us?

Tom: The bells! The bells! The bells are ringing again! This is a momentous time! They have elected a new Pope! The smoke is white!

Another close up of the smoke coming from the pipe, still grayish.

Anyways, that went on for about 45 minutes, until the new pope, Benedict XVI wandered out onto the balcony.

Both Anne and Dave have already expressed their concerns about the new pope. I agree with them completely, but, honestly, I'm not Roman Catholic, so, I guess I shouldn't be concerned. I am however concerned. The new Pope is old, 78, so chances are he wont be around for very long, of course, that could be a bad thing too. There is a papal prophecy that this pope is the 2nd last pope, and he is following the prophecy to the letter...he even picked the name he should have. Anyways, if the next Pope picks the name Peter, run for your bomb shelter. It's the devil incarnate, hijacking the RC church, and the end of the world is not far behind.

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