Thursday, June 16, 2005

Motherhood, the gift that keeps on giving.

Well, I visited my doctor yesterday. He is a wonderful guy, and young, cute, and a good doctor. You'd think that I would have problems baring my privates to someone like him, but he's such a good doctor, that it doesnt bug me at all. Anyways, I went because lately, especially since I took up Mr. Shatner on his 2 week challenge, it hurts when I poo. Seriously. It feels like I am pooing sharp gravel bits, and it is most unpleasant. I met with a friend who had her baby in March, and she has the very same problem, and it turns out needs surgery for it. So, I decided to bite the bullet, and go see Dr. Hartt. I have to admit that I was a little uncomfortable when he told me that hemorrhoids are a side effect of giving birth, and in some women they grow to the size of a softball (!!!!). I was fairly certain there were no softball sized lumps down there, but who knows, right? It is hard to look at ones own asshole. Anyways, he took a peek, and announced with great pride, "Yup, there's one there, the size of a large grape, and a nice fissure too!" He prescribed some medicine, and told me that I would be feeling human in no time flat. I muttered that it is hard to feel human when you are inserting suppositories into your own bum, but whatever. You know what amazes me about suppositories? They have warnings all over that you must insert them pointy end first. Go figure! It makes me sad that people need to be told such things. I suspect it would really hurt if you tried to push the ass rocket in the wrong way.

On to other topics. I did go visit my neighbour. It was a nice little visit, and the first time I had been in their house. I have to say, hearing everything that had happened to poor old Don really cemented in my mind that it is a blessing that he passed. He was in very very rough shape. I have always had a fascination with learning about things medical, and it makes it easier for me to accept what is happening if I know exactly what is happening, and how it affects the body. When Ians dad died, it drove me crazy that they didnt actually know what had happened. They didnt know where the cancer started, why it spread so quickly, or even what cancer actually killed him.

Mary has been exceedingly miserable lately, Im sure she is teething. She rubs at her mouth, screams for no reason, and just recently she started sucking on her lower lip till it disapears. I call her "Lipless Lizzie." I just wish that there was some proof, just one tooth, or even the hint of one tooth. It would make the screaming just a bit more tolerable if there was a visible goal or cause of this increased crankiness. The little boy that I babysit is teething too, so when I have the two of them together I feel like tearing out my hair.

5 comments:

Anne R. Key said...

I...you...that's...

Wow.

Eman said...

"Some things you read, you can't unread."

Emmett said...

This definitely gives new meaning to the word 'candid'.

Shani said...

Ass Rocket???

OMFG That's freakin hilarious.. ass rocket...

Y'see, you know that none of the people who've posted have never pushed watermelons out of their hoo hoo's, cause once you've done that, you have no shame. You're on a table, mostly nekkid, with about 10 people in your room, and various people putting their hands up your cootchie.

You get more action when you're giving birth then a cheerleader who scores for the team.

Then you get the little sides and afters, and you have no shame, cause you've bared it all.

Back to the other matter... They're nasty, they need to be treated properly and carefully or you can even get an infection in the fissure. And dayyum, I hope that you don't need surgery.

See, I get to hear all these details from two sides'.. the side that's given birth, and the side with Crohn's so, I can empathize.

JSM said...

Yes, motherhood is swell sometimes. Very cool blog you have here.