Thursday, July 27, 2006

Bad Afternoon

Well, the unthinkable has finally happened. It's my own fault, I know it, I should have been more careful, and now I only have myself to blame.

I'll start at the beginning. This morning Mary slept in again, it was wonderful, and she was so cheerful all morning. Around 12:30, I decided that Mary should have a nice nap, so I changed her diaper, got her a bottle, and put her in her room. She's such a good girl these days, as soon as I say "Do you want a nap? Mummy will get you a bottle of milk." she runs to her bedroom and climbs up on her bed. Anyways, she went down without a fuss, and though I did hear her banging around in her room and talking to herself, I really thought nothing of it. I had work to do, Ian/Moustapha (yes, they are the same person, hard to believe, I know) is supposedly coming home tomorrow, so I want to get the house nice and clean.

At 2:30, I decided that it was time to get Mary up and continue with our day. I figured she'd already be awake, so I could just change her diaper and carry on. As soon as I opened the door to her room, I knew something was wrong. It was too quiet, deathly quiet. I had a deep sense of foreboding, and I peered around the corner in search of my daughter. What I saw froze the blood in my veins. Who was this changeling child? Had the faeries taken my beautiful, fair skinned, curly haired girl and left this brown, spiky haired monstrosity? But no, I looked closer, and the monstrous creature in my daughters bedroom had her beautiful blue eyes. Then I noticed the distinct lack of diaper on the brown little monster sitting on the floor, calmly sucking on an empty bottle, and it hit me. My focus changed from the child to the room, and I realized that my foot was only a centimetre away from a giant poo sitting there in the middle of the floor. But that giant log was not alone, there were streaks of brown all over the floor. And the bed. And the rocking chair. And the walls. And the dresser.

I quietly backed out of the bedroom and closed the door. I took a deep, calming breath, and started to fill the bathtub. I sat quietly on the edge of the tub as it filled, and I took another calming breath. I then opened the door of the bedroom, only to find the changeling child squatting over the log, and baptizing it in a most repulsive and demonic way.

You will all be happy to hear that my own angelic darling is back, after a 45 minute exorcism (bath). I intend to go out today and purchase some duct tape to ensure that this never EVER happens again.


Goody said...

Bet you're glad you don't have wall-to-wall carpeting.

Raven said...

Oh... my.
I feel so bad about laughing at your misery, but reading your story was just too funny. I know that *exact* feeling of 'close the door and back out again'.
I'm glad you have your angel back, and hope the clean-up was not too traumatic.

Emmett said...

schadenfreude = taking pleasure in the misery of others

tee hee!

Laura said...

Just... ewww. Luckily my daughter has always stayed well away from her poop. She got a tiny bit on her finger one time and flipped out until I washed it off.

I think I would have sat in the bath myself and cried. Where do you even start in cleaning all of that up?

James said...

Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt.

I feel your pain. Jason has entered the duct tape diaper phase.

Starlin' said...

On the plus side, you can now get all colours of duct tape- classic grey through in-your-face camo- to meet your child's fashion needs!