Actually, I haven't been dreaming, feverishly or not. You know why? Because my baby, my beautiful, smart, lovable baby who has slept through the night since she was 5 weeks old...she's changed her mind. no more sleeping through the night. As a matter of fact, sleeping at all is for chumps! The last several nights have gone like this:
8 pm - tired, goes to bed, sleeps.
9pm - wakes up screaming, Mummy comforts her.
10 to 10:30 pm - very tired, goes to bed with a song and a bottle of warm milk.
11:30 - wakes up screaming like her fingernails are being pulled out. Poopy diaper. Mummy changes the diaper, cuddles and sings.
Midnight - goes to bed.
1 am - wakes up screaming, Daddy snores softly, Mummy grits her teeth and ignores it.
1:30 am - still screaming.
2 am - still screaming, Daddy still snoring, Mummy sobs softly and gets out of bed.
2:15 - done with cuddling, wants down to play. Mummy puts back into crib.
2:16 - screams so hard that she chokes.
2:17 - Mummy kicks daddy so hard that he chokes.
2:30 - Mummy gets up again, and puts baby on the floor. Baby is happy.
3:30 - Mummy puts her back into bed with yet another warm bottle of milk. Resolves to ignore the screaming this time.
3:45 - screaming.
4:00 - screaming stops.
4:05 - starts talking to herself. "Aaaaaaooo. Cat! Hi! HI! Ooooooh" Talks in 10 minute intervals, then pauses, giving Mummy time to doze a little before jolting her awake with more talking and shouts.
5 am - silence.
6:30 - Daddy's alarm goes off, waking Mummy up.
9 am - baby wakes and chats cheerfully in the bed till her loving mother comes to get her up for the day.
What the hell? What have I done to deserve such torture? And you know what drives me craziest of the whole thing?? Ian. He sleeps so peacefully through it all. How can he not hear her howling? I don't understand.
Anyways, in other news, I am feverishly trying to find Ian a job that pays half decently. The California thing is a definite yes, and I am definitely not dealing with it well. I don't know how I will be able to handle it. Yes, I do most of the child rearing work anyways, but Ian helps a good deal, and you know, I need a break from time to time. Yes, I know that you've heard this all before, but really, it's all I think about now. It's the reason that even when the baby isn't pulling her late night shenanigans, I'm still not sleeping. Less than 2 weeks till he's gone now. 15 weeks is a long time.
It would be easier if we had family here, really it would. Our friends are fantastic, but they have lives of their own, and very few of them have children. The one couple that has a baby is dealing with their own problems. To be honest, I'm just not comfortable leaning on people. I'm sure that most of my friends would be happy to keep Mary and I company, but I am just not comfortable asking/expecting that from them. I suspect that I'll be spending a good deal of time in Regina with my dad and his wife. It may send me right off the edge, but at least I won't be alone.