Why

Why is it that when I sit there, available and trying to play with her, Mary ignores me. I chase her around, I hang out with her, I try to play with her, and nothing. But the moment I sit down at the computer, or I try to do the dishes, or God forbid I use the toilet, she's howling and screaming. Demanding my complete attention. Climbing into my lap, hitting anything that I'm holding or using and shoving it away. Is this my life, to sit there, motionless in a chair, doing nothing, getting nothing accomplished, bored to tears, just in case the little tyrant deems me worthy of her attention?

Yeah Yeah Yeah...

Hello!

I'm still alive...just lazy. Very very lazy.

I had some fun social times since last I posted. Last thursday I went to R & S's appartement. It was a delightful time, R made his wonderful lasagne for all of us and we watched Batman Begins while Z went crazy playing Starwars on the computer and guzzling more coke than a nine year old boy should ever have access too. Friday night I went over to Ravens place, and we had a lovely time. There was a point where we had a 5, 4, 3, and 2 year old, as well as Mary and two 8 month old babies on feeding tubes. It was INSANE for a while, and all the grownups were exhausted when the children went to thier various beds. After everyone went to bed we played a rousing game of "Betrayel in the House on the Hill," after which comprimising pictures were taken.

Saturday I didn't have a baby. Mary went to Ian's aunt and uncles place at 5 that evening, and I did not need to pick her up till 10:30 the next morning. After a rocky start (I burst into tears at a red light when I looked into the back seat and saw the lack of a carseat), the night went wonderfully. It was Cori and J's Arthurian game, and I was up to no good, as usual. As always it was a fantastic time playing in the legend and altering things to our own liking.

Sunday I visited Anne R. Key and the Dauntless Janet for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Mary was relatively well behaved and happy, which is always nice. Anne gave us a CD that she made for Mary called "Songs in Celebration of Mary and her Magnicifant Melon." They sent me home with a container full of fantastic Indian rice pudding full of saffron. Yum.

Monday I had a headache. All. Day. Long. At around 11 in the morning I lay down on my bed and just let Mary roam around the house and watch tv. I must have fallen asleep, and when I woke up, Mary had moved all the stuff on the floor beside the bed (yes, I'm a slob), dragged two blankets in from her bedroom, curled up and fallen asleep. What a strange little creature. She could have crawled up onto the bed with me, or gone to her own bed, but she chose the floor.

Well, speaking of being a slob, Mary is napping right now, so I think that I'm going to try to get some laundry and dishes finished.

Peace in the Middle East...Not!

Wow. I really don't know what to say, other than I'm glad (even more than I was before) that I don't live in the middle east. Right now it's just Israel, Lebanon and the Palestinians...but it looks like Syria and Iran are going to wade in soon. Can you say "kaboom?" I spoke to my father (tolerant fellow that he is) a while back about the situation in the Middle East, and he had this to say: "Bloody Arabs. We should just nuke them all." My husband said almost exactly the same thing just a week or so ago when we were discussing the troubles that Canadian soldiers are having in Afghanistan. Now children, can we say "Narrow minded?" Or how about "lack of tolerance and foresight?"

But really, what can we do? Certainly what is happening halfway around the world is going to effect us here, no matter what happens, and I can't imagine that it will effect us positively. So, do we sit here and cluck our tongues and pretend it doesn't matter? Do we wade in and involve ourselves in a fight that doesn't make sense to us? If we do, whose side do we take? I know, the answer to that is easy, Israel, right? But I just can't see that anyone here is innocent of wrong doing in this situation. I really don't know. It seems like a loose-loose situation for everyone, including those of us who aren't involved. Those of us who still get tears in their eyes when they watch the nightly news. Those of us who still ache deep inside because of the senseless violence and deaths of innocent people who are just trying to survive. I just don't understand why we as a human race refuse to learn from our past mistakes. Violence does not solve anything. Violence does not make things better for anyone. Why do we always resort to violence?

Goody is renewing her vow of non-violence on August 6th, the anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima. The only thing I can think of is to do the same. I'm only one person, but maybe if enough people feel strongly enough to make a vow to themselves, to their Gods, or whatever matters most to them, eventually the world will be a better place. Or at the very least, there will be a couple less people willing to solve their problems by hitting them.

The Amazing Disappearing Diaper

Life holds so many surprises for me now that Mary has moved into the toddler bed. I never know what scene is going to greet me in the mornings when I open her door. Today's was...unpleasant. I opened the door to find Mary, naked and shivering, curled up in a HUGE puddle of pee in the middle of the floor, half soaked up by the clothes that she once again managed to dig out of her dresser. The best part of this story is that I cannot find the diaper. I have searched her entire room, under the bed, under the dresser, in the dresser, in all her hiding places...it's just gone. I'm fairly certain she was wearing a diaper when I put her to bed, did she eat it?

Anyways, the weekend was very nice. Anne and Janets wedding was lovely. It was in I&V's beautiful yard, only a couple doors down from my house. The wedding party was dressed in traditional East Indian clothing, as well as some of the guests. There was plenty of wine to be had, as well as the most delicious rice pudding that I have ever tasted (it even had real saffron in it). I suspect I had a wee bit too much of the wine though...at one point I told Emmett that I want to go to the July 1st Luau next year (I missed this years party) so I could make out with Cori. Then I told Cori the same thing. Perhaps a tad bit indiscreet, don't you think? Other than that I behaved myself quite well, I got teary eyed during the actual service. I am so proud to live somewhere that two people who love each other as much as Anne and Janet have the right to make the same commitment as any boy/girl couple.

Christmas in July

Yay! I have finished my first Christmas ornament. Well, kind of. It's not an ornament yet, but I've finished the embroidery and beading. I'm a little disappointed in the picture, but I still want to show off!

  

Six Little Hairs

I have a confession to make. Today I shaved six long and dark little hairs off my chest. I always thought that my father was kidding when he told me certain things like eating broccoli would grow hair on my chest. Apparently he wasn't. I have lived with these six hairs since I was pregnant with Mary, and I finally decided to temporarily rid myself of them this morning. I know they'll be back, but they were getting to braidable length, and it'll take a while for them to return to their former glory.

My dad and his wife were in town yesterday. It was very nice to visit them, and I'm a little sad to see them go already. My step-mum drives me a little crazy at times, she's a wee bit controlling and bossy, but she has a good heart. She told me that she is worried about me, that she thinks I'm going crazy being at home alone with Mary all the time. I said "buahahaha! lalalalala! who? me? crazy? neener neener neener. I'm not crazy at all!" And then I spun around in circles in the lobby of the restaurant till I fell down. After I calmed down, she told me that she thinks I need to get out of the house (duh) and that she knows that I want badly to go to school. So. She said she'd pay for me to take the Nursing Attendant course at NAIT. I barely resisted the urge to burst into tears and slobber kisses all over her hands and feet. So my current plan is to contact the school on Monday, see how the program works, how much it costs, when it starts, and get that information to Mike. Then I have to figure out what to do with Mary when I'm at school. I don't think that classes will start till September, so I will have plenty of time to figure that part out. I'm excited, but I am trying very hard not to get my hopes up too high. I don't want to be disappointed when things fall apart at the last minute.

Anyways, I must start to get prepared for the social event of the season, if not the year, which is happening tonight. Anne R. Key and the Dauntless Janet are getting married at midnight under the full moon. Oh, and on that note, just this morning I found an email in my junkmail exhorting me to go to my MP and demand that he stop the downfall of society and our very country by voting against homosexual marriage. Ironic, eh?

What Life?

Well, it still hasn't snowed, or even rained, but this morning when I woke up the temperature in the house was only 27. It felt almost arctic in here!

I have likely spoken about this before, but I really need a life, or at the very least, a bit more of a life than I have now. I find that I have very little to talk about other than Mary, the few games that I play, and the fact that I need a life. It's really starting to bother me, and I imagine the people I talk to spend a lot of time rolling their eyes behind my back.

Last night I got out of the house for the second night in a row! Yay! Mary and I headed over to Rico and Scott's lovely downtown apartment after a very long day of crying and not napping. Mary went to sleep in her playpen right away, and I enjoyed a beer, a movie on their giant TV, and some excellent adult company. I may start harassing them more often to spend time over there, this house and the lack of adult conversation is starting to turn my brain to mush (starting? hah, it's already well on it's way).

Life with Miss Mary isn't all bad, mind you. She has been awfully crabby and demanding in this heat wave, but she's still pretty darned cute, and she gives such wonderful wet kisses that it just melts my heart. And oh my god, when she says uh-oh...well, the cuteness factor is just out of control. I guess I just wish that I could get a break from being the sole caregiver from time to time. I am awfully lonely still, but I am learning to lean on my friends more and more, and they are a huge help.

Speaking of which, the house that is next door to my Mums house in Abbotsford (a town in the Fraiser Valley, about 30 minutes east of Vancouver) is empty and going up for rent, and it's really cheap for that area of the world. I have always said that I wanted to live around B.C., and as soon as my Mum found out, she called me and started harassing me about moving out there. I always thought that if I had the opportunity I would jump at it, all my family except my dad lives in and around Vancouver and living next door to Mum would have added benefits, like a built in babysitter. I told my Mum no though, I don't really want to leave Edmonton. As much as I would love to live closer to Mum, I don't want to leave my friends behind. I have more friends in Edmonton than I ever have in my life, and they are such a wonderful eclectic group, I just can't imagine finding another group of people that are anywhere near as fantastic. After I told Mum how I felt, she was disappointed, but she took it fairly well. I also realized that I've not seen my friends enough since having Miss Mary, and that's something I'd like to fix also. Emmett offered up his cool basement in the comments yesterday, and I believe I shall take him up on his offer (next week, my dad's in town today and for the weekend). I'm going to try to start contacting people more often too, instead of just sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

Anyways, Zoboomafoo is on TV now, and Mary is whining for my presence, so I guess I should quit rambling and pay attention to my child! Wish me luck for naptime today!

Let it snow...

I swear if this heat wave continues, I am going to melt away to a nasty little puddle on the floor. For the last several days now the temperature has been around 30 degrees or higher, and I can't bloody take it any more! I'm hot, I'm sweaty, I'm miserable, I can't sleep...and Mary is the same, which doubles my misery. Last night at midnight, it was still 31 degrees in the house. This morning, it's 29. I'm really hoping for snow, or at the very least a nice thunderstorm to cool things down a wee bit.

I had an okay weekend. I was house and dog sitting for the people I babysit for. They have a GIANT puppy named Isis, who is very sweet, but doesn't realize that she weighs more than most small adults. Their cat, Blues, is an outdoor cat. He escaped my first day, and didn't return till about 26 hours later. By time he came back, I was certain that I'd have to tell T & N that I lost their cat, and I was frantic. He of course looked at me like he'd been stting by the door the whole time, and where had I been?

Purgatory was on Friday night, and as always it was a blast. My character had been up to all sorts of no good in the down time (as usual), and continued the no good into the game. I just love my evil, doll lovin little girl in that game, she's fun to play, and it's SO easy to get into trouble.

Canada Day was okay. I went to visit G & K to watch a terrible football game. The Edmonton Eskimo's were absolutely whopped by the Montreal Alouettes. It was very boring and disappointing to watch. After the game was done Mary and I headed back to the house, Mary went to bed, and I availed myself of the X-Box, and played a Lord of the Rings game obsessively till I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was moping a wee bit because the Paradise Lost game was going on that day, followed by a great party out at the cabin, and I wasn't able to go. Much fun and debauchery was missed out on by me...but maybe next year I'll get to go.

Other than that, things are quiet, much the same as ever. I could go into my emotional state, but I'm not going too. Suffice it to say, I'm just about done with being a single parent, I'm desperately lonely, and it doesn't look to be changing any time soon.

Oh, and I'm praying for snow...

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea...

I'm begining to think that the "Big Girl Bed" was not such a good idea. Currently, Mary is in her bedroom going "Whee!" about something, and occasionally banging on her door. I know she's tired, she fell asleep in the car on the way home from IKEA, so why won't she sleep?

Anyways, this is the scene that greeted me after nap time this afternoon. The pink thing that she is in is a doll crib given to us by our friends S & A a while back. Other than her being trapped in the doll crib, the mess is pretty much what I see every morning and after nap time. When does this phase end, anyways?


 
 
  

Sweat

I'm sorry, it's been a while since I posted here. The miserable stinking heat has sucked the life and energy right out of me. I realized this week that while I enjoy 30+ degree heat while in Puerto Rico sitting on the beach or by the pool, I don't much like it here when real life has to continue on. Mary's not dealing well with the heat either, she's more miserable than I am, and it takes even less than usually to get her whining and shrieking in frustration. She is also sweating buckets, it's unreal how icky and wet she is after her nap. She also desperately wants cuddles from me, and gets extremely annoyed because I'm just as hot as she is. So she spends her entire time being held by me whining, squirming, and giving me extremely dirty looks.




You can see a picture here of Mary playing with her big pink ball. I leave her balls outside every night, but I bring them close to the house. Our yard is fully fenced, and I always assumed that would be enough to keep what was within safe. Not so, my friends. On Monday night, at some point in the night, someone came in too my yard, and stole Marys big pink ball. I am really bothered by this, not only because Mary loved that ball, and now it's gone (it'll cost $3.99 to replace), but it is the fact that someone came through my gate or over the fence, right up to my front steps to steal a ball. Right under my bedroom window. I suppose it's my own fault for leaving things out in the yard and assuming that people would leave them alone.

I'm so crafty!

I just had to post my latest cross-stitch efforts to show off. They aren't much to look at, but I have finished more projects in the last months than I have in my entire life! Christmas stuff is next on my list, and I'm tackleing some dificult projects which are more embroidery than x-stitch. Wish me luck!

 
 
  

Friday Baby and Boobie Blogging

Hello there everyone! Pardon me if I seem a wee bit distracted, I'm watching the neighbours children run wild through the construction workers and equipment out front. Our sidewalks are being paved with asphalt, and those horrible, parentless children are going to get themselves killed. I haven't decided if it will be an accident or not, the construction workers are getting awfully frustrated with telling the wretched little beasts to bugger off. Where is their mother? Likely still sobbing over the Oilers loss. I try so hard not to judge other parents, but come on...a little parental supervision is required from time to time, don't you think?

Speaking of hockey...did you hear about the Montreal Canadian goalie who was photographed cuddling and kissing with Paris Hilton? I've been hearing about it for a couple of days, but I didn't really get why everyone was making such a big deal about it. Then I realized that his wife, who has been in the hospital caring for their premature baby for the last three months found out at the same time as the rest of us. Oops.

On to boobie blogging. My boobs are big, as if most of you who know me didn't know that already. I hate them with a hot hot heat, and I always have. It's very dificult to buy a bra, and because of the weight of the boobies, unless I splurge and spend about $150 on a german engineered monstrosity, they wear out (wow, what a sentance! and the bra's wear out, not the boobs). Anyways, I went to the doctor yesterday for my annual exam, and during the breast exam my doctor was amazed. He commented that my breasts are very dense and large, and he said that he was amazed I'm not constantly crippled from back pain. I mentioned that my back always hurts, but that I'm tough, and I just deal with it. He postulated that my breasts account for about 30lbs of my weight. Wow. Then he told me that once I am done having babies I ought to consider having breast reduction surgery, and that he would be happy to arrange that for me. I asked him if I couldn't just have it done today, and he laughed. So...all the more reason to have more babies now instead of later. The sooner I can get myself into a normal bra size (hell, I'd be happy even with a D!) the better.

Now here's a picture! Of my boobs! No...just kidding. It's a picture of Mary sleeping beside her new toddler bed. Where she sleeps. Instead of in her bed. She's so strange.



  

Ouch

Today was a day for accidents.

Mary was playing with Jonah today, they were both full of energy and craziness. She tripped over something on the floor and landed flat on her face on the hardwood floor. The screaming was loud and painful to my ears. After I calmed her down, I noticed that her nose was bleeding, poor thing. I must say, it's extremely dificult to clean the nose of a squirmy, excited, happy, full of energy toddler. It's like wrestling a greased pig.

Tonight when I was "cooking" my supper (putting a frozen pizza into a pre-heated oven) I burned my arm on the inside of the oven door. I actually held my arm there for a few seconds, not realizing that I was cooking myself, before I flung the pizza to the ground and lept back. I have a huge raised red welt on my forearm now, and it hurts like a son of a bitch. Thanfully Rob and Scott were very good nurses, and when I got to their place for D&D they got sick of my whimpering and provided me with both ice and aloe vera lotion. It's still a nasty burn, but it no longer hurts so badly that I want to vomit. I recently quit cooking except for frozen things that can be heated up in the oven or microwave (I really am a terrible, terrible cook) and now I think I may have to quit with the oven too.

Getting Lonely

Moustapha has been gone for three weeks now since his last visit. Five months since he first went away. He's been home twice, about a week each time, and I visited him for 2 weeks when he was in Puerto Rico. That's about four and a half weeks that I have seen my husband in the last five months. I'm used to it. I have a routine, and it isn't so bad. I get out quite a bit, thanks to my fantastic friends. I manage to make it to most of my games, although finding a sitter is always stressful for me (even though I know Raven is happy to look after Mary from time to time). I've been thinking about it, and the worst part of Moustapha being away is the lack of touch. I miss kissing. I miss being held. I miss holding hands, I miss cuddling. I miss...other stuff. From time to time I almost wish that my morals were a wee bit looser. They aren't likely to be though, except in my dreams. Dreams which have been getting more vivid lately featuring a vast cast of friends and famous people mingling in my huge, clean, imaginary bedroom. After my dream last night, there are a few people out there who I'm not going to be able to talk too without blushing like crazy.

This Saturday was Cori and Jackie's Arthurian LARP, and wow. It was fantastic fun. I am so very very thankful that I was able to find a babysitter at the last minute and attend. We were at a midsummer ball in Arcadia (Fairy Land) and there were several actors playing the parts of mischievous fae. My character, Morgause, Arthurs eldest and most bitter half sister was up to absolutely no good. I counciled sweet Princess Guinevere on pleasing men, encouraged her and Arthur to spend time together and whisper sweet nothings. Arthur kissed her, and was glowing with love when I slipped her a love potion to another man. I also slipped Lancelot a love potion for my sister Morgaine for the second time. Noble Lancelot ended up having a trist in the trees with her, effectively betraying his vows to his wife. I also managed to ensure the support of one of the other northern Kings for my husband, Lot of Orkney (interestingly enough played by Moustapha when he's in town), for when he decides that we've had enough of Arthurs noble stupidity and leads a rebellion. I'm very much looking forward to the next game to see what sort of evil shenanigans I can get up too. I'm also curious to see how long I can manage to get away with my mischief before people begin to suspect me...

Last night I started watching the Battlestar Galactica DVD's that Raven loaned me, and holy smokes! I've only watched the first episode, and I really hadn't expected to be quite so affected and blown away by it. I'm incredibly eager to watch more of the series.

Happy Fathers Day, Husband!

I know you won't see this till Tuesday night, but I'm thinking about you, and I miss you terribly. I wish you could be here with us

 
 
 
  

Friday Baby Blogging

Things are going much better than I expected with the toddler bed. Marys first night seemed to go well, but when I woke up and went to get ehr she was fast asleep curled up on the rocking chair beside the window. Naptime yesterday went well, but she didn't seem to realize that she could get out of bed herself (see the picture). This morning she was curled up in front of her door when I went in to get her up. Other than getting out of bed sometime in the middle of the night, she is doing really well. She doesn't fuss at all when I put her to bed which is fantastic!

And just for Anne, I made sure that RackBear was included in this picture.

  

Big Girl

After an incredibly long and frustrating hour, I managed to switch Mary's crib to a toddler bed. I've never enjoyed putting things together, and it's even worse when you have a toddler trying to "help." My patience was sorely tested, but I came out victorious. Here's a couple pictures of Mary exploring her new bed.


 
  

News Flash

This morning when I got up I went to Mary's room, as usual. As usual, she had been up for a while, and playing quietly till I went to get her. Her bedroom light was on, as usual, she can reach it from her crib. What was not usual was the fact that she was not in her crib. That's right, she was a free range baby, roaming around her room making a mess. What the hell? She's not even 18 months old, how can she have figured out how to get out of her crib? Should I keep putting her in her crib and hope that we don't have a repeat performance, or should I go about changing her crib into a toddler bed? If it's a real bed then there is absolutely nothing keeping her in bed at night or during nap time, and that's not cool.

Also, does anyone know when a child shows whether they are left or right handed? It's been driving me a little crazy (not that it matters which she is) but she shows a definate preference for her left hand right now.

My sinus cold has slowly migrated down my throat and into my chest, and is setting up camp there. How long should I suffer with a cold before going to the doctor? It's been a week now.

I'm Blind!

I just have to say that if you are going to wander around your living room stark naked, please, please please please, shut your blinds. There is a large, very hairy, very naked man roaming around his living room across the street from me, and he just stood, feet planted shoulder width apart, facing the street, right in the middle of the window with a light behind him. Ugh.

All For Anne

As Anne R. Key pointed out in my comments, it is Monday, and I have not blogged.

I know.

I really haven't much to talk about right now. I've been sick (again) and I have only left the house once since Friday evening. So there. Mary isn't sick yet, but it's coming, I can tell. Today she was incredibly crabby and wouldn't let me not hold her, except for when she didn't want to be held. Then she stood on the floor and sobbed miserably. It's possible that she's as tired of this house as I am.

Does anyone know if I can buy a new immune system on Ebay? I'm getting real tired of this defective piece of garbage that I've got, and according to my doctor, it'll likely only get worse.

The Oilers lost tonight. That means they only have to loose one more game and hockey will be done till fall.