5. Play "Party for Two" by Shania Twain over and over and over and over...
4. Say "tsk. oh." or "tsk. hmm." every time I answer a question about how I deal with a certain situation pertaining to my daughter.
3. Interrupt me.
2. Don't let me finish my cup of tea in the morning.
1. Refer to my baby as your baby, and introduce her to people as your baby. I was the one who was split in half by forceps to bring that child into this world, I was the one who didn't sleep the entire week she was in the neonatal intensive care unit, I am her mother. She is MY baby, not yours.
On another note, living with teenagers is so much fun. Here is a conversation that I had with the boy-child upon returning home this morning.
Boy: Ah, Jennifer, is there someone you were supposed to meet with this weekend?
Me: Well Boy, there are a lot of people that I want to meet with while I'm here. I have called a few friends and left messages, but only S has gotten back to me so far.
Boy: Oh. Well, someone called, they cant meet with you.
Me: Who called, Boy?
Boy: I dunno. Someone who you were supposed to meet.
Me: didn't you write a message down, or anything?
Me: Why would you not write down a message for me, Boy? There are a lot of people that I want to see this weekend, and I'd like to know who it was that called.
Boy: I dunno, I just didn't. I can *69 their phone number for you if you want.
Me: (Insert sound of teeth grinding here)
I swear, I will have more positive things to say about this visit once I get home, but right now, I'm ready to tear my hair out. Please, wont someone tell me that I'm a good mother...I am really feeling like I'm not, and it's horrible.