Wednesday, August 10, 2005
I should have known better
I really, really should have. I got my hopes up, what a stupid mistake. We are lower middle class, so trapped in debt that there is no way we could ever scramble out, and it seems that is where the world wants us. No one will pay for my schooling, no one will even give me a loan. That means that in 2 months, my only option (aside from working retail at $7/hr) is to go back to that hellhole of a job. You know the one that stressed me out so much that my bloodpressure shot through the roof and I had to be put on bed rest for the last 2 months of my pregnancy. The one where the boss ordered my 8 month pregnant co-worker to shovel the walks. When I go back to work, I will be bringing home even less than I am now after paying for daycare, for someone else to raise my daughter, not to mention that I will be miserable. There is no way I will ever make more money without getting an education, and there is no way for me to get an education. We cant even afford to save money so Mary doesnt end up in the same boat. I guess if there werent poor people, then the rich people wouldnt feel so special, right? I have some other thoughts about visible minorities that I will keep to myself right now, I dont like being racist, but at times like this, it is hard not to resent the fact that if I were Native, I would have people climbing over eachother to pay for my schooling. I just cant seem to stop crying right now, I think Im going to go back to bed.