Equal (Rant)

"The year was 2081, and everybody was finally equal."

Have you read the short story Harrison Bergeron by Kurt Vonnegut? If you haven't, you should (you can find it here http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html). It's scary in its plausibility.

It comes to mind because this morning on CBC radio the Sunday Edition host was interviewing a man named Christopher Lane who has just had a book published. His book is called "Shyness: How Normal Behaviour Became an Illness" and it's all about the mental health industry. Yes, I say industry, because that's what it is, an industry run by the drug companies. Did you know that if you are nervous about talking in front of a group of people, that if you don't like the idea of eating by yourself in a restaurant, if your hands tremble a little when you meet new people, or if you don't like using public washrooms you are sick in the head? You likely have Social Anxiety Disorder, but never fear, all you have to do is take the drug Paxil or one of these powerful anti-psychotics (or possibly a combination) and you'll be all better. Never mind the side effects, just take your drugs and you can be "normal." Oh, and don't forget to drug your child if they show any anti-social behaviour too. There's all sorts of antidepressants and anti-psychotic drugs out there that you can use to alter your child's developing personality and central nervous system. Don't worry if you come down with the newest "disorder" in the books, Apathy disorder. It's actually caused by the drugs that you're taking to keep "normal," but they're developing new drugs to take for that one too. Good God, no, don't stop taking those likely unnecessary antidepressants, we'll just add on another drug to combat your drug induced apathetic haze, that way the drug companies will make twice as much off one person! Oh, you're a woman too? Well, if you have a period, you likely have Pre-Menstrual dysphoric disorder. It used to be relatively rare, but the drug companies decided that PMS would be a good thing to make money off of, so they've changed the diagnoses criteria to be identical. We'll just give you yet another antidepressant to deal with those ugly female hormones (and make more money for the drug companies too).

Yes, there are people out there who are mentally ill, people who do need these drugs. Not everyone does though, and the way things are going people who aren't drugged for something are going to be a minority. Why does every personality quirk and emotion have to be a disease, and what exactly is this "normal" that everyone is striving to reach by drugging themselves? You know, sadness is normal, anxiety is normal, a little fear, well that's normal too. We live in a scary world, bad things happen that we should feel sad and fearful about. Anxiety isn't always a bad thing, it's a natural thing and it can keep us safe. Being shy and bookish is not a mental disorder, it's the way I am, and the way millions of people throughout history have been. Yes, being a shy, awkward, bookish teenager was miserable, but I wouldn't take it back in a million years. I wouldn't want to have been drugged to be more "normal," those years helped form me into the person I am today, a person that I actually like and am proud of most of the time.

I'm trying to judge when the best time for me to pack up my family and move to a remote commune will be. We'll be the whacko's in the bush who refuse to drug their children, who refuse to be "normal." Anyone want to come with me? I seem to be able to make a mean loaf of bread...

Huh, who knew I could rant so early in the morning?

Busy

I'm giving up on clever titles. I just can't be bothered.

Mary's toe is doing well, though I'm quite positive that the nail will fall off. It was pretty ugly, red and swollen for a while, and although the swelling has gone down, the toenail is a dark blackish purple and she won't let me touch it (can you blame her?) Anyways, she's doing well, and keeping busy.

Frances had her second set of vaccines on Wednesday, and boy was that miserable. She dealt very well with the pokes, but as the day went on she got more and more miserable and feverish, the poor little thing. She recovered nicely by Thursday morning though.

Tonight Ian and I are going to a Medieval feast in Moose Jaw of all places. I'm really looking forward to it, this will be the first time that Ian and I have been out together without the girls since mid-July.

This week I baked:

More of Goody's wonderful oat bread,
2 loaves of old fashioned rye bread,
a large banana coffee cake,
2 dozen lemon honey cookies,
2 loaves of sourdough,
and I'm in the process of baking cinnamon buns.

Diet? pfft. The good news is that I get lots of exercise kneading the dough.

Shoot Me

I am a terrible mother. At least, that's how I feel right now.

So, I was sitting at the computer in the big wooden chair when Mary came up to visit me. She was feeling peevish today, and she whimpered to be picked up. So, I moved the chair back a bit so I could do just that. As I moved the chair, I heard and felt a distinct crunchy sound. As soon as I heard it I just closed my eyes and uttered a soft prayer "Dear God, please don't let that have been what I think it was." I then looked at Mary, whose eyes were wide and filled with tears, her mouth wide open in a silent shriek of pain, and her lips blue from holding the silent shriek for so long without breathing. I quickly grabbed her and pulled her up into my lap, and the nail of her second toe was already turning black, and blood was leaking from beneath it. She started to scream in earnest, and I rushed her up to the bathroom to tend her wound, babbling apologies the whole way. She screamed for a good long time, and let me tell you, while I once believed things would be better when she could talk, it's not. There's nothing worse than your baby sobbing "Mummy, it hurts!" over and over again, knowing that you were the one that hurt her, and not being able to do anything about it. She seems to be recovering, though she won't put her toe on the ground which results in a hobbling pathetic sort of limp, which dashes my heart into even smaller pieces every time I see it. She will occasionally whimper softly "Mummy, I need cuddles...it hurts." She's in bed now, but she milked every ounce she could get out of my guilty conscience before snuggling up with Lightening McQueen and going to sleep.

Other than attempting to rip my daughters toe nails off, I had a decent weekend. Yesterday DeeDee was in town visiting her folks and we went over for a short visit which turned into a 6 hour visit complete with an excellent supper. Her Mum is a very neat woman, her house is jam packed full of niknacks and Mrs. DeeDee loved Mary and Frances so much that she made me promise to come back. It was nice to spend time with a friend (sweet jesus I miss having friends) and there is even photographic evidence of DeeDee holding an infant! Today I made jelly. Lots and lots of jelly. Mint, apple and cranberry merlot. My mincemeat is soaking in its own juices, and all I have to do is get my act together and make a tonne of salsa or chutney and Christmas gifts will be done.

Malaria

Oops. It's been a while again, hasn't it? I don't even have no internet access as an excuse this time.

It's been a busy week. Thanksgiving weekend was lovely. I cooked supper for my Dad and his wife on Saturday, and it went surprisingly well. I made turkey (of course) with stuffing, potatoes, broccoli, buns and a pie for desert. Then Sunday we had a repeat at Dad's place, without the home made buns and pie. On Monday I made the worlds grossest turkey soup which we ate for supper that night, and I threw away the next day. I put too much rice in the soup and it was more of a slimy turkey risotto glop instead. I've never liked turkey soup at the best of times, and it was just too much for me to take.

Wednesday Dad came out with a curtain rod for our living room, and now we have even more privacy! Yay! Curtains in our bedroom and the living room, and soon there will be curtains for the girls rooms. Mum is going around to all the East Indian fabric stores in Abbotsford to find beautiful, exotic fabrics to make curtains out of.

I've been putting bird seed out lately, and I am obsessed with the giant flocks of birds that hang around the house all day (so, as you might have guessed, are the cats). We have all sorts of neat birds, apparently we are on a migratory path and just about everyone stops by. We had a couple of blue jays, a whole pile of juncos, hundreds of sparrows, red poles, yellow breasted nuthatches, downey flickers, ring-necked doves...and more, but I don't know all their names. My Christmas list is getting longer and longer with the addition of all sorts of baking and cooking implements, and now bird books.

The other day we got word that my uncle who just went to Tanzinia to teach has come down with Malaria. He was taking his meds, but somehow managed to pick the disease up within a month or so of getting to Africa. We were quite worried about him, but it turns out that of the different types of malaria, he has the "best" one you can get. He's already out of the hospital and getting better. My dad took anti-malarial drugs when he was in Africa, and he said that he was almost willing to risk getting the disease rather than take the drugs. I guess the side effects are horrible and frightening. They actually think that the drug Mefloquine has much to do with the Canadian soldiers in Rwanda torturing a young boy to death and the subsequent dissolution of the Airborne.

Anyways, other than that, I've not been up to much. The girls and I are hanging out, I'm still baking like a crazy person. Last night I made honey-lemon cookies with frosting in the middle, and today I am in the process of baking a recipe I got from Goody's cooking blog for oatmeal bread. I tried out my Grandmothers cinnamon bun recipe, but it didn't work out too well, I'll have to try again.

Save Me From Myself (Updated!)

Please...

I have entered a zone of hyper-domesticity. It's alarming, seriously alarming. Since I got back from Edmonton I have baked 40 cookies, made a huge batch of clam chowder (the good tomatoey stuff, not the nasty white stuff) half of which is now in our increasingly packed freezer (Santa, I want a big deepfreeze for Christmas, okay?), baked a pumpkin pie from a real pumpkin, cooked supper last night, made up my husband's lunch for work, turned 6 lbs of apples into some rockin' spiced applesauce, and I am now in the process of baking bread. I've also somehow managed to invite my dad and his wife over for Thanksgiving supper which we will be having on Saturday. My plan is to make a turkey, steamed veggies, mashed potatoes (Ian's favourite) another pumpkin pie, and home made parker house rolls. Of course depending on how this experiment with bread goes today we may not be having fresh rolls after all. I've cleaned the upstairs of the house, done 6 loads of laundry, scrubbed the bathroom, and this afternoon my plan is to clean the outside windows and bake orange scones...and I'll do it too. This weekend I'm going to make up a giant batch of Mincemeat, it'll have a couple of months to soak in rum and get really yummy before Christmas. Oh, and I'm also stitching stockings for the girls and getting started on Mary's Halloween costume.

I've barely watched any TV at all, which is really a fabulous thing. I love having the TV downstairs, I get so much more done when it isn't there sucking the attention and life right out of me. Now, I get up in the morning, turn on the radio and listen to CBC-1 while I drink my tea. I hang out with the girls for a while, read Mary a few books, and then get started with my day. Mary watches a movie or two (her current favourites are a Winnie the Pooh movie, Little Bear, and Alladin. I try to get out for a walk in the afternoon, but I'm often too busy to bother. I do of course watch my shows in the evenings, although I'm not terribly impressed with them so far. House is kind of blah for some reason, Grey's Anatomy is getting annoying, ER is not great, but it's still the best of the bunch. I started watching Reaper on the advice of a fabulous woman in Edmonton and it's pretty great, I watched the series premier of The Tudors on CBC, and while the costuming is fabulous and Henry VIII is hawt, I found it a little slow and full of boobies (beautiful boobies, but still a little much). Private Practice was a complete bomb in my opinion and Dirty Sexy Money is moderately obnoxious. I've decided to avoid reality TV all together, including America's Next Top Model and Dancing with the Stars, mostly because I'm trying to cut down my TV viewing to only two nights a week. The other nights I intend to spend with Ian after the girls go to sleep. Even if we can't get out, we can still talk, play cards, and do stuff together at home.

For those of you who bake bread, I have a question. Why? Holy crap is it hard work. I tried to mix it up using my electric mixer, but it just balled up and climbed up the mixer deelies. How can I avoid this problem from happening? I'm not strong enough to mix it by hand, and I don't really know how else I can do it. Also, kneading the dough sucks. I worked up a crazy sweat doing that part. I hope my bread turns out okay, but it's my first time ever attempting bread, so I won't be heartbroken if it's a flop.

My weekend in Edmonton was fabulous, even if I didn't get a chance to see everyone I wanted to see. We were busy constantly from the minute we got to town till the moment we left. I had an awfully hard time at a few points, things aren't working out as we had planned/hoped here in Saskatchewan for reasons that I'm not going to go into on a public blog (if you're curious, feel free to email me), so going back to the city that I love and all the people that I adore was tough to take. I spent a good part of the weekend very close to tears. Oh well, I keep telling myself that I love my house (which I do) and it's fantastic to be debt free (which it is), but I'm still desperately lonely and isolated. I miss my husband, we haven't been out together without the children since July. That's a long time, and it doesn't look to change any time soon. The loneliness could possibly be a reason for the frantic domesticity, don't you think?

Mary's preschool is still not running, which is really unfortunate. I've heard no word on the teacher, which is likely bad news. If it weren't West Nile then I suspect she would be back at work by now. I feel bad for Mary, I need to find her some friends here. She was so thrilled to see Jonah when we were in Edmonton, the both of them shrieked and ran around together the whole time we were there. The only time they were quiet was when they got into the water that Jonah's daddy had set aside for his fish tanks. When it was time to go, they hugged like crazy, and Mary kept following Jonah around giving him kisses. We had to drag her from his side and into the van.

Anyways, it's just about time to punch my dough, I guess I'd best wrap this up. Here's a picture of Mary and Ian enjoying some imaginary soup at my Dad's place to take you out.






Update

Hey! Here's a picture of my bread! Looks nice, doesn't it? I'll wait till supper to see if it tastes as good as it looks.

They're out to get me

Wow, I just had a serious paranoid/conspiracy theory moment. I was listening to the CBC news and they are running a story about some research that "proves" that women who drink even a glass of any type of alcohol a day are at higher risk for breast cancer. For just a moment I thought that I might have been transported to a dystopian world a la Handmaids Tale. It just seems fishy to me, you know? How long till we hear some research saying that women who work out of the home have a higher risk of breast cancer? Or women who drive cars have a higher risk of cancer....It would be easy enough to take advantage of our pathological fear of breast cancer, wouldn't it?

And then I came to my senses. That'll never happen, right?

Rude people

I'm getting awfully tired of rude people. Today I went to the big Fabricland in Regina to buy everything I need for Mary's halloween costume. I had to drag Mary and Frances with me, so I had no hands, as one was holding the end of Mary's leash, and the other was holding on to the car seat containing my giant, extremely heavy baby. I got no assistance from the women who worked there, one even turned away from me when I started to ask for help finding what I needed. I was horrified and close to tears when I finally dragged everyone out of there. I'm not sure what I'm going to do now, it's the only fabric store in the city and I'm not going back, and Walmart doesn't have any fake fur. I guess I'll have to buy a costume ready made for her...or maybe I can look at the fabric stores in Edmonton this weekend and pick up what I need there.

We inherited a little fishbowl from my step-brother, D, last week. He accidentally dumped his fish down the drain while cleaning out the bowl, and was so devastated that he couldn't even imagine getting a new fish. While we were in the city today I picked up a couple of 39 cent goldfish to put in there, and Mary has already fallen in love. She calls the fish Nemo, and Nemo's Daddy. They are orange and white goldfish, and one is bigger than the other, so I suppose they do look like Nemo and his dad. Hopefully I won't kill them too quickly, although we are going away this weekend, and I have my doubts they will survive. I'm going to ask the little girl across the way to pop by from time to time to give them a little food, and hopefully that will keep them alive.

I had tea with my neighbours, Teenie and Floyd yesterday. They are a very nice, very old couple who have lived in Milestone for decades. They met when Floyd was sent to Edmonton with the air force during WW2 for training, fell in love and have been together ever since. They have 4 kids, 9 grandkids and a multitude of great-grandchildren. I wonder how many couples will have been together for as long as those two have in fifty years. Marriages don't seem to last like that any more, and it kind of makes me sad. Anyways, Mary had a wonderful time playing with toys that have seen more than 13 children over the last 50 years, and left calling Teenie Grandma. We have an open invitation to pop by any time for tea.

We also met a few more of our neighbours, and everyone seems very nice. The lady across the way is on the town council and involved in the towns dinner theatre. Apparently the town is quite well known for their dinner theatre, and they are always searching for new blood. She asked us if we curled (no, but I'd like to learn) or were interested in Drama at all, and was thrilled to hear that we were. While I doubt I will read for a part, I doubt I'm good enough, I would love to help out back stage or something. Anything to get me out of the house and involved in the community is good to me.

I took Mary to her preschool on Monday, and no one showed up. I assumed that the teacher had called in sick, and no one let me know because it was our first day and we aren't registered yet. I was pretty damned disappointed though, and so was Mary. We tried again today, and once again no one showed. So, we walked home and I called the lady in charge of the whole thing, and asked what was up. I honestly thought that I had read something wrong, or misheard, and was showing up at the wrong time. Well, it turns out that the teacher is currently being tested for West Nile, and preschool is postponed indefinitely. yikes. Anyways, they have our phone number now, so when things start up again they'll give us a call. Good thing Mary has the fish to distract her, I hyped up going to school so much that it's all she talked about till we got them.

Why I'm Starving

I'm famished right now, seriously. There are over a dozen big, beautiful, extremely tasty sugar cookies that I spent all day sunday baking up in my kitchen, but because they are worth 4 points (!) each, I can't eat them. Yes, I am counting points, I joined the cult called Weight Watchers. Last week I went to the doctor, mainly because my tailbone still hurts from my spill down the stairs back in April. The doctors advice was that I likely broke my tailbone, but there is nothing to be done, so I should get a cushion. I then mentioned the fact that I am fat, and she agreed. She said that there are drugs out there that she could prescribe, but they are very costly and don't really work. She weighed me, arranged for every type of blood test known to man, and told me to join Weight Watchers and come back to see her in two weeks. I really quite like her, and while the easy fix would be nice, if she had just written me a prescription and walked away, I don't know if I would have been happy. She seems genuinely concerned about me, and wants to help me loose the weight and be as healthy as possible.

After my first WW meeting yesterday, I hit WalMart before getting on the highway to come home. I needed to pick up some oil so Ian can muck around with the van, and I needed formula for the not-so-wee baby. As I was loading cases of formula into the cart, a real granola muncher wandered by with her baby, and came to a dead stop when she saw me. She proceeded to stand there as I grabbed the formula, shaking her head and clucking her tongue disapprovingly, all the while frowning angrily in my direction. At first I thought it was something else, after all, people can't seriously be that rude, right? But then, as I was walking past, she actually leaned forward to her baby, safely ensconced in it's incredibly expensive Eddie Bauer car seat, and stage whispered something about people feeding their babies poison, and only irresponsible mothers would consider not breast feeding. I was so stunned and angry, I was at a loss for words, and I just kept walking. I bumped into her in the craft aisle and she just sighed, looked into my cart again, and shook her head sadly. It took all my will power not to punch her in the nose. Which is why I am going to fail at this weight watchers thing, I've got no willpower left.

Anyways, while in the craft section at WalMart I picked up a pattern for a halloween costume. I bought a new sewing machine a few weeks, and I'm just itching to use it, so...we'll see how it goes. I'm not an experienced sewer, and this pattern seems a little tough, but I'm determined to try it out. Hopefully I won't end up having to take Mary out without a costume because I didn't get this one done. Here's a picture of the costume, I found a site where you can purchase the costumes for only $70 (no thanks).

Epic

My giant baby had a diaper blow-out of epic proportions yesterday. I'm not exaggerating when I say there was poo from her nipples to her ankles, and it was not pleasant to clean up. Mary's running commentary was one of the things that made it slightly more tolerable..."Oh yuck! Baby poopy! Lots of poop! Poop on baby's jammies, baby's yellow jammies. Mummy wiping poop now. Wiping baby's belly. Frances poopy Mummy!" She talked about the poo for hours, and would get right in my face till I responded. There was a time I was concerned that she wasn't talking enough, and while she still isn't as advanced speech wise as some peoples children (V and Goody come to mind) I have no concerns about that any more.

This morning at about 3:30 Mary woke up and came running sobbing into our bedroom. I pulled her up into bed beside me and she immediately snuggled up saying "I want Mummy's bed now." I was more than happy to let her snuggle between Ian and I, in spite of the pointy elbows, knees, fingers and feet that fidgit and jab while she cuddles. I drew the line at the grinding of teeth though. There are many things on the "things that annoy Jennifer" list, and grinding teeth is very close to the top.

I baked sugar cookies this morning and they turned out pretty good. I burned the first batch (still getting used to the fancy new oven) but subsequent batches turned out much better. My next project is going to be to take on Goody's graham cracker recipe. Store bought graham wafers are the only cookies Mary gets on a regular basis, and wouldn't it be great to make my own instead of buying them in boxes?

Oh, by the way Lady Myke, I would be happy to get any advice in regards to potty training you might have. In fact, I'll take anyones advice on the matter. I may not follow it, but I'll be happy to hear it. To be honest, I think the major obstacle in the whole thing is me, I just don't feel like I have the time to sit Mary on the potty every hour till she catches on when I have Frances demanding so much of my time and energy.

Anyways, here are a couple of pictures of Mary's room. It's all done now, the new furniture in place, the pictures on the wall. I'm really pleased with how it turned out. The pictures on her walls that you can see by the bed and dresser were actually my mothers, and they hung on the walls of her nursery when she was a baby almost 50 years ago. :)

Back online

Hello everyone (if there is anyone still out there, of course),

It was a long and painful time without internet access, but this morning the people from Sasktel managed to take the time out of their busy schedules to push the button that they needed to push to enable us to get back on the web. I still cannot fathom why it took them a month to find the time to push that button, but oh well.

We are settling in well here in Milestone. It's a little harder for me, I think, as I am at home every day with the girls and I'm getting pretty lonely. Hopefully being online again will help combat that feeling of absolute isolation that comes with living in a small town and not knowing anyone at all.

Small town living is really quite nice, though it's not as easy to meet people as one might think. The people my age who live here have known each other all their lives, and it's hard to break in to a community like that. Last night I went to a pre-school meeting and met several other mothers of young children. While they were all really nice, I still felt a little lost and lonely, and left without really having made any friends. I think that I am going to try Mary in the preschool next week and see how she does though, so I'm glad I went to the meeting. Anyways, the town is nice, people are friendly enough, and I love being able to walk from one end of the town to the other without a whole lot of effort. Oh, and yesterday, someone left two pumpkins just sitting on my front step.

Frances and Mary are doing well enough. Frances is much more civil these days, and she seems to spend more time smiling than screaming now, thank God. Mary's skin is a mess once again, and we took her to a natropath and a dermatologist in the last month. The natropath gave us a bunch of suppliments (fish oils, magnesium) as well as a recipe for home made moisturizer (grape seed oil, vitamin E and oregano oil), which I have been using religiously. The dermatologist doesn't think that it is allergies, and prescribed a cream that is unfortunately not covered by the provincial drug plan because it is relatively new. It's going to cost us $85 every 2 weeks, but we are applying for Exception Drug Status, so hopefully the province will refund some of that. I gave her the first treatment of it today and already her skin feels softer. Mary is still resisting potty training, sigh, but I have hope. Today she ripped off her diaper after pooping copiously in it, sat on the potty (doing nothing, but commenting to me when I wandered by and spotted her sitting there pantless "I made water in it!") and then asked me to get her a new diaper. It was a bit of a panicky search through the house for the poopy diaper, but she had already put it in the garbage. Sometimes she's such a good girl...

We are all making the trek up to Edmonton next weekend, and I couldn't be more excited. We are staying at the Howard Johnson hotel, which has a swimming pool, and we are going to see people! I hope. Anyways, it's going to be so fun, I can't wait. My only concern is that I'm going to bawl like a baby when it's time to leave. I miss Edmonton so much, not just the people, although of course that's a big part, but the city itself. I can't watch the Edmonton TV stations (we get them all with sattelite, but funnily enough we only get one Regina station) without getting weepy. I sometimes wonder if we didn't make a huge mistake moving away...but then I remember we are debt free and I feel a bit better.

The Move

I know, I'm a lollyblogger. It's not going to get any better this week, but maybe, just maybe next week I will sit down and post something meaningful with lots of words. We are moving tomorrow. Finally, we will be in the house.

Look! Pictures!


Here is our bedroom after we painted the walls. It used to have pink and white stripes, and now it's a beautiful soft green colour.



Here is Mary's room, almost finished. I must say that whoever came up with the idea to paint trim should be put in jail for a long long time. It turned out okay, I'm not a professional painter, but it's nice.



Frances's room after being painted. It used to have dark blue and white stripes, with a burgandy border and words like "touchdown," written around the top. Ick. Now it's a beautiful brown, but it's not quite finished. Ian thinks it's too sophisticated for a little girl, but I love it, and I'm going to add some fun bright colours. One wall is going to feature the wonderful quilt that Goody made for Frances.



Frances chilling on the new couch.



The faux fireplace in the basement. It seems that I am cursed to live in houses with the most god awful ugly fireplaces. The things the people we bought the house from did to that basement area is criminal, including painting over beautiful dark wood beams across the ceiling.



Here is the "playroom." It is an unfinished area of the basement that they panted the cement walls in. It needs a ceiling and something on the floor, but I think it'll be a good spot to keep all the toys.



Here is our little maritimer. I was given this Sou'wester at our wedding reception in Dartmouth. Mary found it today and spent a good part of the afternoon wearing it.



Mary and Frances. It never ceases to amaze me what a wonderful, loving sister Mary is. Frances absolutely adores her, and Mary loves to take care of the baby. Frances is wearing a diaper shirt embroidered by Goody, it says "I'm the baby," just so I don't forget. :)



Frances flaked out on the couch, and Mary gave her the flower.



Rock star Mary on our new deck. Unfortunately those glasses broke later in the day.

Please Advise

I have a problem with my eldest child. Up to this point she has been a relatively well behaved toddler, but she has recently started exhibiting a behaviour I've only seen on Nanny 911 before now. She bites. She bites a lot, and she bites hard. She doesn't do it when she's having a tantrum, she doesn't do it when she's angry, she does it for fun. She'll be giggling and playing, and suddenly lunge out at Ian or me like a giant chihuahua. Today I was standing in front of her, and she tugged on my hand to pull me down. I thought she wanted a hug, so I of course obliged, and while I was hugging her, she bit my right boob so hard that I have a bite shaped bruise. I am not impressed, and I don't know how to deal with it. When I yell at her, she just laughs at me. I smacked her bum the other day, and she just laughed at me. My step-mother recommended that I bite her back as hard as she bit me, but I can't even bring myself to spank her hard enough to actually hurt, I don't think I can bite her. Not to mention the fact that I don't think resorting to childish behaviour is going to solve the problem. Ian says that I should put soap in her mouth every time she bites, but I really don't know if that'll work either. Anyone have advice for me here? I don't want to end up with a bossy British nanny judging me and my horrible cannibal children on network TV.

She Smiles!

I've had a hard time with Frances from the very begining. I've loved her, sure, but I wasn't in love with her, and I certainly didn't like her. I think a lot of the feelings that people associate with PPD are really quite natural, especially when you're all alone with a child. I mean, this unpleasant little stranger came into our lives, turned our lives topsy-turvy, and disrupted our family balance. It's a demanding little person, yelling all the time, expecting everything to be dropped at a moments notice to cater to it's whims. It's strange, while I did go a little loopy after Mary was born, I didn't feel this way about her at all. I loved her and was in love with her from the first second I laid eyes on her.

Anyways, the point is that I fell in love with Frances this weekend. Up to this point she's smiled every once in a while, but they were practice/gassy smiles, not the real thing. This weekend she started smiling for real. Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch holding her and watching TV. I happened to glance down at her and there she was, gazing up at me with a huge, adorable smile on her face. See?





We spent a lot of time this weekend at the house. We took about 700 nails out of the walls, our next task is to putty the holes and pick out paint. We also put together the dining room table and chairs, as well as a china cabinet for all my mothers china and crystal that she brought. We have a real dining room table! We have a dining room! The space in that house makes me giddy...compared to the place in Edmonton it's a mansion.



Mary "helped" a lot with the construction of the china cabinet. It took 6 hours to put the bloody thing together. I puttered around doing dishes in the dishwasher (we have a dishwasher!!) and pulling nails while Ian laboured away at the cabinet. It looks great now that it's finished and I can't wait to fill it with stuff.



It was awfully hard to come back to the apartment last night. I love our house so much, even with all the work that it needs, I wish we could just live there already. It'll be worth the wait though, once we get the place painted it's going to be beautiful. We did make it home though, and Frances and I slept like babies.

Lots of Pictures

We got our house today! We picked up the keys this morning and wandered through. It needs a lot more work than I remember, but I still love it, and I can't wait to get into it for good. Here are some pictures. Once we have everything looking the way we want it, I imagine there will be more pictures.

This is the view of the front of the house:



Here's the living room. The whole place needs painting pretty badly. We are going to leave the kitchen and dining room as is, and the basement is okay, but the living room, hallway and all the bedrooms need desperately to be painted.


Here's the beautiful kitchen. We are going to change the hardware on the cupboards, but other than that I think it'll be left pretty much alone.


Here's Mary and Poppa Larry (my Mums husband) officially welcoming us to Milestone. My Mum and Larry are visiting from Abbotsford B.C., and we are very glad that they can see where we will be living now.



Yesterday, after a long day with Mum and Larry.

Those Crazy Germans

http://www.divshare.com/image/1221376-efc

A childrens book that I'll not be buying. I've been told the text is pretty funny too, maybe Emmet can translate?

Baby Blogging

Hello everyone!

Things are up and down here. We seem to have the screaming baby stuff a little more under control thanks to swaddling and bum smacking. Yesterday Frances was up for several hours in the morning and again in the afternoon, and she didn't cry at all, yay! Of course she was also up every 2 hours like clockwork through the night, boo. Today she rolled over from her back to her belly. It's awfully early for that sort of thing, so I think it was just a fluke, maybe the couch cushion she was on was slanted somewhat. I'll believe it when it happens again.

Anyways, here are some pictures of our summer:


Grandma and Grandpa put Mary to work in the back yard.



Cooling off in the pool at Grandma and Grandpa's place.



Look! Her eyes are open and she's not screaming!



It's hard work being kids.



We got Mary this doll shortly after Frances was born, and she loves it. The other day she accidentally pulled off one of the dolls arms, and let me tell you, it was pretty tragic around here for quite a while.



Me feeding Frances, I didn't even realize this picture was taken.



Again at Grandma and Grandpa's place, I think those are Grandpa's shoes.

Date Night

Saturday night Ian and I got out all by ourselves. No children at all! From 2 in the afternoon till around 9 that night we were childless and happy. We went to a movie, The Transformers (awesome!) and then we spent far too much money for our supper at the Keg. It was a fantastic evening. Mary spent the night at Dad's place, and we took Frances home. It was an okay night, she woke us up twice, but went right back to sleep after being fed. Then Sunday morning we went to church and met up with my dad and Mary. Church was nice too, I've known most of the people there since I was Marys age, so we hardly saw either of the girls for the entire service.

Dealing with Frances has been challenging, but we are doing all right. I've found a few things that seem to work to calm her down when she's being really miserable. It's still hard, but thankfully she saves the most awful times for when we are awake anyways. Swaddling is an amazing thing, when Frances gets really bad I just wrap her up as tight as I can, and it's like I pushed an "off" button. The screaming stops, and within 15 minutes usually she's asleep. My only problem with swaddling her is that it is SO stinking hot here that I feel bad for her. She doesn't seem to mind though, so I guess I'll just stop worrying.

Shaking Babies

I take it back. If I ever said that Frances was a good baby, an easy baby, I was wrong. So deeply, horribly wrong. Frances screams. Constantly, loudly, miserably, no matter what I do. She screams and screams and screams. I can't eat, I can't play with Mary, I can't go out, because by baby screams inconsolably. She eats a tonne, and then eats more, and then eats. Sometimes she will act like she is starving, but when I try to feed her she sputters and screams and chokes. Her soother calms her down sometimes, but she spits it out and then gets filled with rage. I feel like duct taping it onto her face. I feel like doing a whole lot of things that I shouldn't, like shaking her till she shuts up (I won't, you don't need to worry, when I start feeling out of control I just go to another room).

You may be saying, "Jennifer, if she screams all the time, how is it that you are able to blog?" Well, I'll tell you. Frances has been screaming since 9 this morning, it's just about noon now. She finally fell asleep about 5 minutes ago. She drank 9 oz of breast milk, spit up about 4 of those ounces, screamed while I rocked her, screamed around her soother, screamed in her swing, screamed while I finally fed Mary her breakfast, screamed while I finally ate my breakfast, screamed while I took a quick shower, screamed while I cried, screamed while I changed her diaper, screamed in her bassinet, screamed in her swing, screamed in her bouncy chair....It was much the same last night from 6 till about 11. She screamed no matter what we did. Once she fell asleep, she slept for 6 hours, but oh my god, did we pay for those uninterrupted hours of sleep and the only way to get her to sleep was to bring her to bed with us.

It's frustrating for me when Ian comes home too. I deal with the screaming misery for 11 hours while he is at work, and I manage to keep my temper most of the time. Ian comes home, and within an hour of the screaming he's furious and throwing things and swearing. I know it's hard to deal with, good Christ I know it's hard, but it'd be nice to be able to get a break for an hour or two without worrying about him too.

I feel the worst for Mary. She is such a sweet girl, and so patient. All of a sudden I can't give her the love and attention she's used too, and she deals with it so well. She has the occasional moment of tears, but she's mostly happy and sweet, and she loves Frances. She gets upset when the baby cries, and is always giving her hugs and kisses. I feel bad that she's trapped in this apartment with Frances and me, but I can't take them out by myself. Frances screams and I'm unwilling to subject the general public to that horrible noise while Mary is charging around like an uncaged monkey. I just can't control Mary and deal with Frances at the same time. I feel bad for Frances too. I really can't stand her most of the time, and I hope that will change some time. I hate feeling this way about my baby, it feels so wrong. I should love her unconditionally, right? But all I want to do is get away from her, to get a break, to give her back, to take back that moment 10 months ago that I got pregnant. I want things to go back to the way they used to be, when it was just the three of us, and we were happy.

And with that, sleeping time ends, and the screaming begins.

One Month

Can you believe it? It's been a whole month since Frances was born. It seems like yesterday, and it seems like she's been part of our family forever. It's amazing how much she's changed in the last month. She's gained over 2 pounds, she's much longer and bigger. She spends more time awake than she did when she first came home too. I don't mind it during the day, and when she isn't yelling at me, but she seems to have a scheduled alert time at around 4 am every day. Ugh. She is still a remarkably good baby, even though she does have her moments. She only wakes once or twice during the night, she's relatively cheerful and easy to look after. She had a hard time over the weekend when the weather was so ridiculously hot, but 38 degree heat will make even the best of us miserable. I know that people say that you shouldn't wish for your children to grow up because they do it so quickly, but I really can't wait till she is a bit older. I really quite dislike the newborn phase of life, and I'm looking forward to when Frances is a bit more interactive and fun to be around.

The mortgage issue finally resolved, and in our favour. We have a mortgage, although the intrest rate is absolutely ridiculous. We'll keep with this company for a few years, and eventually our credit will be better and Ian will be getting paid a bit more, and we can shop around again. I can't wait to get into our home, less than a month left till we get the keys! The month of August will be spend moving and fixing things up so that everything is close to perfect when we move in. Have I mentioned that I'm giddy with excitement about getting our house?

Mary is doing well. She really is a fantastic little creature, in spite of the occasional (regular) temper tantrums. She loves Frances deeply, and gets very concerned about her. She likes to help us burp her now, she pats the babys back very gently and shouts "I did it!" if Frances burps. She gives her kisses every night when she goes to bed, and loves to give her hugs. The only time she's really shown that she'd rather not have Frances around is when we leave my Dads place. She always says "Bye Grandpa, bye Grandma, bye Baby Frances!" but she never seems disappointed when Frances comes home with us instead of staying behind.

Happy Dominion Day

In Days of yore,
From Britain's shore
Wolfe the dauntless hero came
And planted firm Britannia's flag
On Canada's fair domain.
Here may it wave,
Our boast, our pride
And joined in love together,
The thistle, shamrock, rose entwined,
The Maple Leaf Forever.

The Maple Leaf
Our Emblem Dear,
The Maple Leaf Forever.
God save our Queen and heaven bless,
The Maple Leaf Forever.

At Queenston Heights and Lundy's Lane
Our brave fathers side by side
For freedom's home and loved ones dear,
Firmly stood and nobly died.
And so their rights which they maintained,
We swear to yeild them never.
Our watchword ever more shall be
The Maple Leaf Forever

The Maple Leaf
Our Emblem Dear,
The Maple Leaf Forever.
God save our Queen and heaven bless,
The Maple Leaf Forever.

Our fair Dominion now extends
From Cape Race to Nootka Sound
May peace forever be our lot
And plenty a store abound
And may those ties of love be ours
Which discord cannot sever
And flourish green for freedom's home
The Maple Leaf Forever

I've always thought that the Maple Leaf Forever was a much more stirring and patriotic song than Oh Canada which is kind of a sissy song if you ask me.

I keep thinking about what a wonderful country we live in, and what a beautiful and diverse country. I'm awfully proud to live here, and I count myself lucky that I have seen so much of this country. I've walked in the rain forest at Clayoquot Sound on the west coast of Vancouver Island. I've touched a glacier in the rockies, I've been to the deserts around Osoyoos in the Okanogan valley. I've visited a town called Kyuquot that has no roads in or out, the residents all own boats instead of cars. And that's only one province! I have visited the flat prairie of southern Saskatchewan, and I've seen the beauty of northern Saskatchewan's lakes and forests. I've seen the red sands of PEI, and I've driven through the never ending rocks, trees and water of north western Ontario. One day I hope that I can visit the Territories and Newfoundland, I'd love to see ever bit of this country.

Anyways, in other news, things are going poorly here. We still haven't heard anything about a mortgage. We have a mortgage broker looking into some solutions for us, but we won't hear from him till Tuesday because of the long weekend. Our conditions on the sale of the house have to be removed by Wednesday, so things are pretty tight. If we can't get a mortgage, we are all going to be very unhappy people.

On top of the stress of the house stuff, I've managed to pick up a raging case of mastitis. Not pleasant. I've been feverish and achy, and my boob feels like someone has been using it as a punching bag. I finally gave in and went to the doctor yesterday and he gave me heck for not going in sooner. He mentioned that women used to die, die of mastitis. So now I am on heavy duty antibiotics, and I still feel icky. I was going to go to the park today with Ian and the girls, but I'm not sure I'm feeling quite up to the heat and the crowds.

Well, I'll end this post of with more lyrics of another song about how great Canada is. Hope everyone has a good long weekend!

I hate Newfoundland 'cause they talk so weird
And Prince Edward Island is too small
Nova Scotia's dumb 'cause its the name of a bank
New Brunswick doesn't have a good mall
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad
Ontario sucks, Ontario sucks,

"Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square kilometer. Now isn't that stupid!?"

Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old
And as for the territories, they're too cold!

And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that its right next to us!"

'Cause Alberta doesn't suck
But Calgary does

Grumpy

Well, things are looking slightly up on the mortgage front. We have contacted a mortgage broker and he seems to think that he can get us a mortgage. Of course we have to give a much higher down payment, and we have to get my father to cosign for us, but oh well, hopefully we will still be able to get the house that we love.

I'm feeling pretty miserable still though. Frances was up from 3am to 6am last night, and Ian slept through the whole thing. I sat there in bed weeping and begging the baby to go to sleep. She finally did, but she and Mary were up for the day shortly before 8. Yuck. I've also developed a case of mastitis, which is incredibly unpleasant. I'm feverish and sick, my boob aches something fierce, and I'm exhausted. I have no idea when I'll get a chance to get to the doctor either, maybe tonight if I'm lucky. I also have to pick up some pictures for my father who is off to the Okanogan for a family reunion on friday. Not to mention that I need kitty litter, cat food and other stuff. At least Mary and Frances have been relatively well behaved today.

....

I cannot even begin to express my rage. We went to the bank yesterday to get things squared away for our mortgage. We assumed that, because our old mortgage was "fully portable" there would be no problems. Never, ever trust the bank. Our mortgage was refused, and they won't even accept my father co-signing for us. So, we've sold our home, moved to a new city, and now we can't buy a new house. We're fucked, pardon my language.

This news comes at a relatively bad time for me. Since Sunday or so I've been feeling incredibly homesick for my friends, and for Edmonton itself. Now I can't help but think that we made the biggest mistake of our lives selling our house and moving here.

Our house

http://www.mls.ca/PropertyDetails.aspx?PropertyID=5897153&Mode=0&Page=1&vs=1&rlt=&cp=&pt=0&mp=100000-125000-0&mrt=-1-0-0&Beds=0-0&Baths=0-0&f=&ft=all&o=A&of=1&ps=10&ptgid=1&aid=1671%2c1670&MapURL=%3fAreaID%3d1585

House

Our offer was accepted! Yay! We are beginning the process to own a 1227 square foot bungalow in Milestone Saskatchewan. It's a really lovely place, only a block away from the schools, schools which will not be closing any time in the future as most of the small towns around Milestone are already bussing their kids in to them. It comes with a dishwasher, beautiful new stainless stove and fridge, and a satellite dish. The furnace is new, as is the hot water tank, the basement is concrete and in good shape. It has three bedrooms on the main floor and one in the basement, along with a playroom complete with painted mural, a living room/rec room area and a large laundry/storage area. There are one and a half bathrooms on the main floor, one off the master bedroom and the full bath has a jet soaker tub. The kitchen is nice and big and open, and off the dining room area there are french doors leading to a brand new, very nice deck. The back yard isn't fenced, but it's huge and really well taken care of, oh, and it has built in sprinklers too. It needs some paint, as the previous owners painted specifically for their own tastes and kids, and it will need new windows, but other than that we really don't think it needs much work. We are getting a home inspection done anyways, so we may find something out there, but I'm confident that it won't be anything we can't handle. We take possession on August 3rd, which works well for us as our lease here ends at the end of August. That way we can take the month to move slowly and get everything that needs to be done done. I'll take pictures and post them here as soon as we get a chance, but that probably won't be till August.

I'm so glad that things finally worked out for us! This house is more what we were looking for than the others that we put offers on, so yay!

I Heart Saskatchewan

Man the weather here is stinky. I had forgotten how miserable summers in Regina can get when it gets hot. I suspect I will be reminded about how miserable winters are here in a few months too. Why on earth would anyone want to live here? It's incredibly hot and humid right now, and a severe thunderstorm watch and tornado watch has just been issued for the city. Yay!

When I was a child, I was terrified of summer storms, and any time a tornado watch was issued I would insist on hiding in the basement. My parents and brother would laugh at me, but I felt it was important to be safe, you know? People who aren't from this part of the world have no idea how terrifying and bizarre these storms can get. I remember one time when I was about 15, my dad, brother and I were out playing football in the back yard. It had been a hot, sunny day, one of those summer days that you'll always remember. There was hardly any wind, the sky was blue and we were planning a bbq for supper that night. All of a sudden the air changed colour...I'm not sure how to describe it, but the air was yellow. My Mum always described it as being inside a glass of ginger-ale, everything was tinted. The humidity went up, and there was a strange roaring noise. I looked up, and you could actually see the wind coming, down the street the trees were bent over with the wind, but it was still perfectly calm where we were. The wind hit us, and a few seconds later the thunder and lightening started. It was spectacular (not that I noticed, I was huddled in the safety of the basement). The worst summer storm experience I ever had was when I was out delivering flyers and the storm appeared like magic over my head. I ended up huddled on someone's front step, too terrified to move, for about an hour till my Dad came and found me and took me home.

I don't feel the same level of panic at every storm warning these days, but I can't help but get a little nervous when the tornado warnings come out. Thank god I live in a basement suite.

We did end up putting an offer on the house we saw last night. It was beautiful and I fell in love with it right away. We offered 10 thousand more than asking, and hopefully that's enough. We do know that another offer came in at the same time as ours, so now we are just waiting to hear what the sellers have decided. We gave them till 4 this afternoon to get back to us, so we should hear back soon.

Daddy's Girl

Ian went back to work this week. I have to admit, I was really quite worried about him being gone all day and having to deal with both girls by myself. Monday morning came and I was extremely stressed out. Mary has been extremely needy since Frances came into our home, and it was usual to have to deal with one raging temper tantrum every day.

So, Monday came, Ian went to work, and I braced myself. There was not one temper tantrum all day long. No tears, no clinging to legs, no hitting, no shrieking. Mary was happy and well behaved and sweet all day long. Until Ian came home. Tuesday Ian didn't work till 1:30 in the afternoon. The morning was rough, Mary demanded to be picked up and carried around by Ian, she clung to his leg, she cried and yelled. Once he left for work she was a different creature, sweet, happy and well behaved. Wednesday and Thursday were his days off, and things went back to "usual," with temper tantrums and the rest. This morning as he was leaving for work she was clinging to his leg and screaming bloody murder, but since he left it's been a breeze. I'm starting to see a pattern here, how about you? Anyone have any advice for how we can deal with this little problem, cause I'm at a loss, and Ian is getting pretty frustrated.

We are off to look at a house in Milestone tonight. If we like it, we are going to make an offer on it right away. No thinking, no futzing around. If we wait, even till tomorrow morning, the house will likely be gone. Wish us luck, I really hope it's worth offering something for. I can't wait to get out of this apartment and into a house.

Elitist Scum

So, things are going well so far. Frances is over a week old now, and it feels incredibly odd still to have her around. Every once in a while I look at her and think "that was in me," and it just blows my mind. It also feels strange when I realize I have 2 children. When did that happen? Shouldn't I be grown up before they let me have children? Why don't I feel grown up yet?

Breast feeding is not going very well. I hate it. So, I quit. I was starting to get the ugly feelings that I had towards Mary when I was feeding Frances, but this time I was more aware of what was causing me to hate my child. So, I quit giving her the boob all together and I am not exclusively pumping. She's still getting only breast milk at this time, but my breasts seem to be somewhat elitist and my milk production has dropped. I've been pumping regularly, but in spite of my best efforts my milk has gone from copious amounts to a trickle. I'm not going to give up, but eventually we will have to start supplementing with formula. I don't mind feeding her formula, we did with Mary and she turned out fine, but I would like to get a few more weeks of boob juice into her.

The house hunt is still going abysmally. We are getting very discouraged. The house in Earl Grey is wonderful, but we are having second thoughts about it. The school in that town was just closed down, and we really aren't certain that we want to live somewhere that the kids will have to bus too school. Also, the house has a wood basement rather than concrete, and that's a bit of a concern too. Of course, it's looking like we can't be too picky now, if we want something we can afford we will have to move to a town without a school.

Sisters

Things are going well with our little family. Mary is still feeling a little put out, but she doesn't take it out on Frances. She's incredibly gentle with the baby, gives her kisses and loves to hold her. She takes her diaper change assistant duties very seriously and she makes sure to let us know every time that Frances cries.

Frances is sleeping well at night (please don't let me jinx it), only waking us up twice through the night to have a bite to eat. I'm working hard to wake her regularly during the day, and she seems to have her most alert times in the late afternoon and early evening, which is FAR better than at 2 am like Mary's was.

Breast feeding is going well. I make enough milk to feed an army of starving babies. I suppose that's good, but man my boobs hurt all the time. They're like giant, hard, milk filled basketballs on my chest.

Ian goes back to work on Monday, I'm kind of dreading not having him around. He's a great help, especially when Mary needs some extra attention and I'm busy feeding Frances. Hopefully things will continue to go well once he's back at work.

We are off to look at another house this afternoon in a town called Earl Grey, about 40 minutes north of Regina. Hopefully this one will work out, I really can't wait to get out of this apartment.

It's A Girl!

Whew. What a weekend!

Friday was a long and miserable day. I was hot, pregnant, miserable and I just wasn't feeling right. By time Ian got home from work I was incredibly crabby, and shortly after he got home I started feeling crampy in my belly. I was pretty sure that I was constipated, so aside from complaining about it to Ian, I didn't do much except suffer. That night was long, I was crampy and sore all night long, and I only slept for about an hour or so. By time morning came I was still pretty certain it was my bowels, but Ian convinced me to call a nurse to ask, just in case.

So, Saturday morning I called the nurse, and she recommended that we go in to the hospital because it sounded like I was in labour. We were supposed to go look at houses, so we called our agent and let him know we would need to reschedule, and would likely go out in the afternoon instead of the morning. We got to the hospital and after taking my history, they decided to check things out down there. I was 4 cm dilated! I really was in labour. The nurses wanted to send me home, they figured I was too happy to be a concern, but when the Dr. came and checked me out he told them to admit me.

So, I paced around for a few hours as the contractions got more intense, and at 4:30 in the afternoon the Dr came and broke my waters. I was still only 4 cm dilated, but my contractions were very regular and more painful. After my waters were broken it got even more painful, and I tried out the nitrous oxide. It helped a little, but as things progressed it just didn't cut it. At 7:30 I was still at 4 cm, but they gave me an epidural anyways. By 8:30 I was at 6 cm, and while the I was still feeling the contractions, the pain medication made it tolerable for the time being. By 9:30 I was shaking, and the pain was incredible. The nurse checked and said that I was just about at 10 cm, and that she would go out and get things ready for the delivery. The minute she left another contraction hit, and I felt myself pushing. I told Ian (shrieked at him) and he tried to tell me not too push. The next contraction I felt the baby's head move down, and an awful burn. The nurse and the doctor hurried in, and after 15 more minutes of pushing, the baby was born! It was amazingly quick and while incredibly painful, it was worth it.

It's amazing how different this experience was from Marys birth. With Mary I was exhausted and overwhelmed. Nothing seemed to go right, for the delivery itself there were 8 other people in the room and I didn't get to hold Mary for almost 24 hours after she was born. This time it was easy, my body did everything it needed too, it was just Ian, the Dr and the nurse in the room, and I was able to cuddle Frances right away. From the minute she was born she was never out of my sight. With Mary, even though there were tonnes of complications they discharged me from the hospital less than 24 hours after she was born, but with Frances they kept me for two full days.

The only real problem I had this time around was that I was in isolation for the whole time because I had been in the hospital in Edmonton, and everyone is paranoid about an antibiotic resistant bacteria (I think it's called MRSV) that has been found in Alberta hospitals. I told them that I was tested in Edmonton and was negative, but they weren't taking any risks. So I was trapped in my room, and anyone who came to see me had to wear a gown, mask and gloves. It was pretty ridiculous, but I did get a private room for free out of the whole deal.

Things are still going surprisingly well now that we are home. Mary has taken the new baby in stride and enjoys giving her kisses and sharing her stuffed animals with her. We'll see how long it is till the novelty of a baby around wears off, but for now I'm just enjoying watching my girls together.

It's a no

We didn't get the house, in spite of offering twelve thousand dollars more than the asking price. Boo.

House

We just put an offer on a house! You can see it here : http://www.mls.ca/PropertyDetails.aspx?vd=&SearchURL=%3fMode%3d0%26Page%3d1%26vs%3d1%26rlt%3d%26cp%3d%26pt%3d1%26mp%3d60000-175000-0%26mrt%3d-1-0-0%26Beds%3d2-0%26Baths%3d0-0%26f%3d%26ft%3dall%26o%3dA%26of%3d1%26ps%3d10%26ptgid%3d1%26aid%3d1651%252c1662%252c1671%252c1670%26MapURL%3d%253fAreaID%253d1585&Mode=0&PropertyID=5763591 (by the way, can someone tell me what codes it takes to make a link, keyboard shortcuts don't work in the browser that we are using now). We offered a good deal more than the asking price as it is being sold by the Sask Government, and they are planning on taking the highest offer. Ian is concerned that we aren't offering enough, I think we've offered way too much, but we will see. It does need quite a bit of work, but at under 100 thousand dollars, we can afford to do what is needed. It has a huge, beautiful fenced back yard which Mary has already enjoyed. The town of Milestone is only about 30 minutes away from Regina, and it is a really nice place as far as small town Saskatchewan goes. It has both an elementary and a high school so the children won't have to bus to another town, it has two gas stations, a co-op grocery store, and a couple of other shops as well. The biggest problem right now is that we have to wait till Friday to hear a yes or no because of government red tape and all the rest. Ugh. Anyways, wish us luck! If the offer is accepted we will take possession July 18th.

Oh, and as promised, here is a picture or two of the little Miss!


Enjoying an ice cream cone at the Milky Way (some of the best soft serve ice cream ever)
.

In her party dress for Grandma's birthday. She got it absolutely filthy in a hurry once we got there.


Showing off her musical talents while I was in the hospital. She's clearly taking after her father, Mr. David Bowie.

Don't Take It Personally

I read several blogs every day, one of which is called Parent Dish. Parent Dish is a site where several people are paid to post on all things related to parenting, and encourage discussion in the comments amongst the readers. Sometimes the articles are ridiculous, sometimes they are thought provoking, and often they fall somewhere in between the two. Sometimes the comments fill me with blinding rage. The judgmental attitudes of other parents makes me sick. Today I read one article and it's comments that made me see red.

The basic gist of the article is that men are increasingly afraid of volunteering with children because they worry about being labeled as pedophiles. A couple of fathers posted saying that this is true, and frustrating for them. How unfair it is that they are made to feel uncomfortable when out alone with their own children. How unfair it is that they are made to feel like Bad Men if they try to help or talk to another child. And then the loonies came out. These women regularly post on this site, and they rarely have anything sensible to say. One woman had this to say:

"Men, you should know that you are suspect by virtue of your gender. The vast majority of pedophiles are men. Don't take it personally and make sure that nothing you do can be misconstrued. Don't play tickle games. Don't ever close a door when you're alone with a child. Be careful where you touch a child."

I just about spit out my tea when I read that....but it didn't end there. One father took offense to what she said, responding:

"Why not take it personally? You're basically telling us were all suspected pedophiles and shouldn't ever be around children - anything can be misconstrued."

And she went on to respond with this gem:

"I say don't take it personally because it *isn't* personal. It is a fear based completely on your gender. It has nothing do do with what you have or haven't done. No, you shouldn't hug a child unless you have a relationship with both the child and the parents that warrants hugging. Even then, you should be careful. There *is* a way to give a chaste hug."

Another father responded with this:

"Unbelievable. This post is making me sick. 'Sorry, we suspect you're a pedophile JUST BECAUSE you're a man?' 'shouldn't hug a child unless you have a relationship with the child and the parent that warrants hugging?' What the?

I've worked with kids of all ages. Do you have any idea how many toddler-age kids will spontaneously hug you? What are you supposed to do? "Sorry, honey, you can't hug me because I'm a man, and that means that I am evil"?

Give me a break. Does anyone else think that this is just sick? We're letting the bad guys run - and ruin - our lives and our children's lives!"

And back to our original, "Don't take it personal" poster. This was her response to the above father:

"It's "Sorry we suspect that you *might* be a pedophile JUST BECAUSE you're a man." I watch my children carefully around dogs, too. Because they are animals and have teeth, they *might* bite. If I see a dog who is mildly out of control, I won't let my kids go near it. The owner, if he doesn't want people to misinterpret his dog, should make sure his dog acts in accordance with the image the owner wants to project. Same thing with people.

I hang out with a lot of toddlers and they are definitely not commonly spontaneous huggers.

A man is supposed to give a chaste hug back. This can be one armed, it can be two armed, it can be a head rub, it can be a back pat, it can be a high five. Do I have to spell out that the man's waist area should never be near the child? If the man wants to avoid false accusations or misinterpretations of his actions, he should be very sure that his actions are obviously what they are meant to be."

Did you get that? "A man's waist area should never be near the child." Tough to do around my daughter and most children her age given her height. Oh no! My little girl was in the general vicinity of a penis! That man she walked past who didn't immediately turn his waist away must be a pedophile! Gasp! Another penis, this mall is FULL of pedophiles!

The ridiculous paranoia and half baked logic that goes on in conversations like this really makes me ill. Especially the "Don't take it personally" bit. I mean, seriously...would you say to a black person "Don't take it personally, it's only because of your skin colour that I don't trust you." Or to a Jewish person "Don't take it personally, it's only because you're a jew that I (insert random stereotype here)?" Oh, even better...would you say to a woman "Don't take it personally, it's just because you're a woman that you should be barefoot, pregnant and cooking me supper in the kitchen?" The first thing I think when I see a man with a child is not "Oh My God! Pedophile!"

I hate the fact that sensationalist media and the Nanny State has made us all terrified of our neighbours. Yes, there are bad people out there, but I simply cannot believe that lurking behind every mans friendly smile is a rapist or pedophile. I don't believe that there is a kidnapper around every corner just waiting for me to be off my guard. Yes, there are lots of whacko's out there, but I really believe that most of them are of the harmless variety. I refuse to go through life jumping at shadows and suspecting my neighbours of the worst. Maybe this makes me one of the whacko's, but I still believe that the majority of the people I run into on a daily basis are Good Guys, not Bad Guys.

Ahem. Okay then, rant finished. Back to regular programming. Maybe a little later I'll post a picture or two of Mary. Oh, and while I'm not making any promises, I'm going to try to post more often here in the future, I've been a serious lollyblogger since moving to Regina.

Lack Of Control

Can you believe that it's June 1st already? Only 2 weeks left till the estimated date of arrival for the baby, and after that I can get REALLY grumpy if it hasn't shown up yet.

Today is Ians first day of work in over a month! He was pretty excited (well, as excited as my stoic little husband ever gets) to be back to work, and he was a little nervous. I haven't heard anything from him yet, so I assume that they day is going well so far. Mary and I are at a bit of a loss as to what to do with ourselves without him around, but so far Mary has accepted that Daddy is at work, and whenever she starts to miss him she informs me very seriously "Daddy Work" and that's the end of it till the next time she thinks about him.

We went to a place called Tots Cafe this morning. We've been there several times since moving to Regina, and we quite like it. It has an indoor playground area as well as a place for parents to sit and drink tea or pop, hang out and chat or whatever else they want, really. It's an incredibly child friendly place, as well as a great place for parents to go. Anyways, it was going really well, Mary was having a blast and had actually befriended (as much as a 2 year old can) a little girl named Mikayla. There were several other kids around Marys age playing peacefully, if not together then near each other and there was no fighting. Then this woman brought her two horrible grandsons in. The moment they got there I knew they would be trouble...they started demanding that she buy them this or that, and yelling rudely at her. She just ignored them, shoo'd them to the play area, and sat down with her book. She proceeded to ignore them as they bossed around the littler kids (they were both older, around 6 and 8 or so), bullying and shoving and sending several of them, including Mikayla, off in tears. Marys little friends mother sighed and packed up the little girl and her newborn and left, and when one of the horrible creatures pushed Mary off a slide and she started crying, I left too. I guess I should have said something, but I kept thinking that the stupid cow would step in and say something to her awful grandchildren. It was clear that they were bullies and being plain mean. Mary was ready to go at that point anyways, but it was still a frustrating way to end a nice morning.

Oh, and while I was there a woman came up to me and asked if I had gone to Massey elementary or Campbell High school...I had gone to both, so I smiled a little blankly and said that I had. I guess she did too, and while she was a couple of years older than me, she recognized me as soon as I walked in. I'm afraid I was a little rude to her as I was paralyzed with shyness and nervousness and I only mumbled some small talk and ran off to sit by myself as soon as I could. Sigh. I could have made friends with her and her sister, and actually had a friend here in Regina. Maybe I'll see them again there some time.

We got our cable hooked up yesterday. It's nice to have tv again and to be able to watch something other than Cars or Finding Nemo. We got a promotional deal where we get pretty much every channel under the sun for a very inexpensive fee. I find that I'm still watching the same channels as I did with our regular cable back home. Even when you have 200+ channels, there's still rarely anything worth watching on...though if I wanted I could watch CSI 24 hours a day.