Roseola

We have a culprit! It is the human herpes virus-6B. Also known as Baby Measles (although it is completely unrelated to the measles virus, for which Mary is vaccinated against). The rash appeared this morning, just like it ought too according to the reading I've done since being told what it likely is. Apparantly the rash is the tail end of the illness, so she should be feeling better by tomorrow for the long drive to Regina, though today she is feeling awfully miserable.

Speaking of miserable, there is nothing worse than a 2 year old with diarrhea, unless you toss in the ability and desire to take off the diaper full of diarrhea during nap time. Ugh. I would much rather find her caked in vomit like I did on Wednesday than caked in liquid poo like I did yesterday.

Anyways, I'm off to clean the house (or at the very least to procrastinate cleaning the house). Again, I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Germs

Gosh, it's been a while since I updated this thing, hasn't it?

Things have been going well for me. No fainting spells and no more trips to the hospital. It would seem that things are evening out, though I'll not hold my breath. The weekend went well. Saturday was my cookie exchange which which went very well, I think. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and there was lots of food and cookies to be had. Saturday was also the Christmas party at J & R's place, and it was really quite fantastic. Everyone was there, there was lots of wonderful food, and the gift exchange went well too. I was given the Fionavar Tapestry by Guy Gavriel Kay, and I'm extremely happy about it. It's the only book by that author that I have not read, and I have wanted to read it for quite some time.

Sunday we got up earlyish, went out for brunch with G & K, went shopping (stupid, but we finished all our shopping for Miss Mary), went to Ians aunt and uncles place, and finally went to a restaurant for Ians second jobs Christmas get together.

Monday started out okay, Mary and I slept in, and then hung out on the couch lounging around. Unfortunately she woke up from her nap with a 40.4 degree fever. We've been fighting with this bug that she seems to have picked up ever since. Her fever is up and down, she's exhausted, crabby and obviously feels pretty crummy. She goes through lifeless phases where all she wants to do is cuddle close and moan softly. Oh, and did I mention the diarrhea? It's brutal. To top it off, yesterday she woke up from her nap in a puddle of vomit, her hair was crusty, her clothes were soaked...yuck. We are driving to Regina on Saturday for the holidays, I really hope she is feeling better by then, or it'll be a long 8 hours in the car...

Anyways, I may not get around to blogging again before we leave, and it's unlikely that I'll get a chance in Regina, so...Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you have a wonderful holiday!

I feel better

I really do have a great doctor, I'm so glad that I decided to stick with him. Yesterday I called his office to describe what Nadine saw during my fainting spell, but he wasn't in the office till next week. I left a long message with his nurse and she promised to put it on his desk for him to find first thing Monday. This morning he called me from home. He had popped by the office for some reason or another and saw the message, and called me. He said that it is unlikely a seizure disorder as I actually remember blacking out, apparantly when the electrics of your brain go wonky you tend to forget about 30 minutes before the seizure actually happens. He suspects that it is a blood pressure/inner ear issue and intends to harass an ENT and a neurologist to see me sooner rather than later just to be safe. He also put my mind to rest about the bleed and the fact that I am still bleeding, as well as the health of my baby. He says that what happens in these cases is that the bleed starts, and then clots. After a week or two, the clot begins to "self destruct" or liquify, and that is the bleeding that I am having now. He says the fact that I am bleeding is a good sign in his mind, but that I still need to be careful; no intercourse, no heavy lifting (including Mary, yeah right). He also said that although they call what is happening a Threatened Miscarriage, it happens for very different reasons than an actual miscarriage, and the chances that there is something actually wrong with the baby itself are slim. Which is a huge weight off my mind. So, I feel better, things are being worked on, and hopefully all this misery will fade away some time soon.

As for baking, I wasn't fair last night. I love to bake, even if I'm not terribly good at it. I think it would be a lot easier if I had more than one foot of counter space to work on, and I'm sure I would enjoy it more. I still have no idea when I am going to make the remaining 50 cookies that need to be made by tomorrow afternoon, but I guess I'll figure something out.

I Am Not a Baker

When I was growing up Christmas was always a fantastic time of year. My Mum would spend hours baking wonderful cookies and squares for us, we were never without goodies. It was great, and I'll always cling to those memories. A pity Mary will have to do without similar memories. I do not reccomend attempting to bake Berlinerkranzer cookies. They suck. They're stupid and I hate them. I have made 24 of them, and the rest of the cookies I make for the exchange will be whipped shortbread. It doesn't get easier than whipped shortbread, I can do easy. I can also make mincemeat, and mincemeat tarts are easy if you use frozen pastry. That is all my family will ever get from me.

Goody, I cannot express how much you awe me with your cooking and baking things that don't come in packages marked Pilsbury.

My Body Hates Me

And I have to say, the feeling is becoming mutual.

The weekend started off okay. I babysat for Jonah on both Friday and Saturday nights so that his Mum and Dad could go to christmas parties. It was okay, Mary and Jonah had fun racing around like maniacs together, they both went to bed very well, and Ian and I watched movies till Trevor and Nadine got home.

We had a lot to do on Sunday, it's Ians only day off, and since the car problems it is the only day I have access to the car. We need groceries, baking supplies and I still have to get a gift for the gift exchange that's coming up this Saturday. So that was the plan when we woke up, before I realized that once again I was bleeding like crazy. So, instead of going shopping, I called my Dr. (I have his pager number now) and he sent me in to the hospital. Thankfully I didn't have to spend any time at all in the ER because of the call. The Doctor there checked things out, and decided to admit me. So, I spent all day Sunday and all day Monday hanging around the hospital. I was supposed to get an IV, but after the first attempt, all the nurses were afraid of my awful little veins and it never happened. I was told that I would have an ultrasound on Monday morning, so I sat around my room till they finally came for me at 2:30 in the afternoon. The U/S was good, baby is still in there alive and kicking, but so is the "bleed" which no one can explain. I finally got home on Monday afternoon at 4 after being told that there was nothing to be done, and to just carry on. Sigh.

Tuesday I babysat Jonah again. I wasn't feeling well, but I packed Mary up and headed for the bus. I hate taking the bus. When we got to Jonahs place, I promptly fainted, terrifying poor Nadine. My fainting spells are really horrid experiences, and now that I finally have a witness other than Mary, I'm a little worried that it's more than fainting. From what I experience, I get this horrid strong sense of deja vu. Wherever I am, the bus stop, my bedroom, wherever, suddenly becomes a terrifying place, everything in it menacing. At this point I know what is going to happen, so I can usually stumble over to somewhere like the couch or the bed, so when I fall I won't hurt myself. Then my ears start roaring, and blackness washes in from the sides of my vision. When I wake up, I'm confused and frightened, and the sides of my tongue always hurt from being bitten. Nadine called me this morning and said that when it happened at her place my eyes rolled back in my head, I started moaning, and my arms and jaw went really rigid. Then right before I came too, I started jerking a bit before opening my eyes (poor woman, no wonder she looked so frightened). I thought I had hit my head, but according to her I didn't, I just sat down in the chair, smiled, said something in response to her, and then wen't all weird.

So, I'm trying not to freak out, but I'm really getting worried about things. What the hell is going on with my body anyways? I almost wish that I would just miscarry and get over with it, and then, when I think that, I'm overcome with guilt. I just don't know what to do. I've decided not to bother the doctor if I start bleeding again (which I did last night), not until I'm bleeding really badly. There just seems to be no point in spending all that time in the hospital just to get a shrug from the doctors.

Now I have a whole lot to do before Saturday. I'm doing a cookie exchange Saturday afternoon, and I still have to get a gift for the party that evening. We still have a couple of Christmas gifts to get for Mary, and I still haven't even started Christmas cards. I suspect that no one will be getting cards from us this year, which really annoys me.

Fish out of Water

Geez, does it ever get better around here? Really, things aren't that bad, I'm a chronic worrier and pessimist, but for crying out loud. I know that problems breathing are relatively common late in a pregnancy, but I'm still pretty early for that sort of thing. I'll start at the beginning. Yesterday I was walking with Mary to catch the bus, it's a three block walk, nothing too hard, not to mention the fact that Miss Mary dawdles like crazy. It is tough to push the stroller through feet of snow that people haven't shovelled from their front sidewalks, but again, not that hard. Anyways, I got on the bus, and started gasping like a fish out of water, it was really really strange. My lungs felt like they were bursting, they were overfull. I kept gasping for air, but my problem was that I couldn't seem to breathe out enough to take any fresh air in. It lasted for about 5 minutes or so before I was able to breathe again. I know I'm in bad shape, but not that bad, I don't think. It happened again last night, and again this morning. I keep thinking I ought to go to the doctor, but I've been seen him every week for the last 4, I really don't want him to think that I'm a nutter.

Other than that though, things are going really well. I'm feeling much better physically other than the fish thing (oh, and the pimples, good God the pimples), Mary is delightful and wonderful and so much fun. Her vocabulary is growing every day, it just amazes me. Her latest favourite thing to say is "Thank You!" and it just thrills me every time she says it. She's really good at getting her needs and wants across to just about anyone who is around her, and she just loves people. She's so social and sweet, I can't believe we are so lucky. Pray that we are lucky twice, cause I suspect we are in for a shock with the next baby.

Trees Are Thinning

Well, it's sunday afternoon and things are looking good. I stopped bleeding completely on Thursday, and on Friday I had another ultrasound and saw the baby again. Heart still beating, legs and arms still kicking madly. I'm also officially into my second trimester now, which is also a good sign. I really believe that we are out of the woods for now and that life can get back to a semblance of normalicy. My Obstatritian doesn't need to see me till the new year unless something else happens. He did say that we will need to keep a close eye on things later on in the pregnancy. Because of this episode, I am now at increased risk of pre-term labour and growth problems in the 3rd trimester. I'm having a hard time worrying about that though...if this baby is born a few weeks early then it won't be the giant that Miss Mary was, right?

Financially things are, well, the same really. It's not so bad, we have some plans. We spoke with a bankruptcy trustee and we just can't justify it. We have a decent amount of RRSP's, which we would lose completely if we declared bankruptcy. So, instead, we will look at cashing in all our RRSP's, paying off the bulk of our debts and hoping for the best. That way, while we lose our savings, we don't have to do the whole bankrupt thing, and really, I can't see the point in saving for the future when you can't make buy groceries in the present.

We have some fantastic friends here who are really making us reconsider moving away. The offers of support and help have been amazing and somewhat overwhelming, and while we are far too proud to accept a lot of the help that has been offered, we appreciate it so very much. While we don't have a lot of family here, the friends we do have are so close to us that I really can't help but think of them as family.

Now, on to better things. Can you freaking believe it's December already? Mary's birthday is in less than a month, and so is Christmas. I bought my Christmas cards, and I really have to get my act together and start mailing them. It takes forever for Canada Post to deliver anything anywhere, and I still have a couple of cards and packages that I need to send to the States, which will take even longer.

I was convinced to put on a cookie exchange again this year, last years was a great success but I had decided not to do it again. I won't be hosting it in my house though, so I decided to go ahead with it. We have 11 people this year, so we decided that instead of a dozen cookies per person we would only do 8. It cuts down marginally on the amount of baking that we need to do, but that's still a lot of cookies. I've decided to make another childhood favourite called Berlinerkranzer cookies and I'm also going to make candied orange peels to go with them. Wish me luck, while the peels are relatively easy I've been told, when I told my mum I would be making 88 Berlinerkranzers she laughed at me for about an hour.

I still have several jars of mincemeat that I made a few years ago, I'm really looking forward to having that stuff, three years of soaking in the booze and getting yummy. I think I will have to make some more this January though. Oh...my stomach is grumbling at the thought of mince meat tarts and hard sauce...suddenly I'm in the Christmas frame of mind...maybe we'll go to Ikea and buy a cheap tree this afternoon...

It's my blog and I'll whine if I want too...

First, thank you to everyone who sent us well wishes after my last post, both personal and in the comments. Although I've not gotten back to anyone yet due to extreme business, we really do appreciate the thoughts.

First, good news. I am still pregnant, and the baby is still alive. The doctor I saw yesterday checked things out, listened to the heartbeat, and said that he thinks things are going well. He said that there is still a 1/3 chance that I may miscarry, but he also said that if I make it too the weekend without that happening that I will be out of the woods for now. I do know that I'm going to be awfully paranoid and nervous for the rest of this pregnancy, until the minute I have a healthy fully grown baby in my arms.

Other than that, things are going exceedingly poorly. Our house is falling apart and we are a heartbeat away from bankruptcy (literally). Ian recently bought a little car from a friend for our second vehicle, and because we can't manage the payments on the Taurus anymore. We were planning on giving up the good car, and moving down to one. Today the little white car died while Ian was driving to work. It turns out that the morons at his second job (a place where he worked as a manager for several years before going into construction) forgot to replace the oil cap when they topped up the oil for him. There's no oil at all in the engine, and if you know anything about cars, even if it's as little as what I know, you know that's a Very Bad Thing. So, now we are back down to one car which we can't afford, but if we loose it then Ian can't get to work, not to mention that things like groceries or trips to Regina will be incredibly dificult.

I mentioned that the house is falling apart, and I mentioned a while back that I spend my nights thinking about how wonderful it would be to burn the bloody thing down (of course I won't), but I don't think I've mentioned why it's so bad. I'll start at the top.

Windows - Ancient and drafty
Floors - ancient and ugly.
Walls (living room) - Okay, but cracked and ugly. Faux fire place in living room loosing all it's hideous plaster bricks to expose the nasty cinderblocks beneath.

Bathroom - Oh, this is good. Paint on the ceiling is cracked and gross, and full of mold. Same for the walls, mouldy. Giant hole in the wall behind the toilet from last years plumbing fun covered up by bristleboard, plastic and duct tape. Floor rotten from several years of water leakage. Sink old and taps drip. Nasty teal plastic tile coming away from the wall. Cold water tap in the bathtub does not work at all, it is either off, or runs all the time - we can't replace it because the fixtures are all so old that nothing new will fit without re-doing the entire tub.

Kitchen - Same problem with the nasty teal tiles. Shitty lino job peeling up. Taps leak constantly. The kitchen is the size of a closet.

Basement - Crack in foundation leaks. Cement floor seriously water damaged. The other day I went into the suite area which we were thinking of moving down too so we have more space in the house, but the walls in the bedroom are black with mold and mildew.

What I described is just the tip of the iceberg too, I'm sure there's more that I've either blocked out or we haven't found yet.

Selling and moving to a different, cheaper, easier to live in market is becoming more and more appealing. Moving closer to family is becoming tempting. Selling this dump and doing what we can with what we get, somewhere that it isn't horrendeously expensive is something we talk about all the time. My father is determined to get us to move to Regina, and the more he talks about it, the more sense he makes. We could sell this hole for about 120K, and buy something bigger, newer and nicer for the same in Regina. Not to mention that things are cheaper there, and we would have free babysitting. I would hate to leave Edmonton, I love this city, I love the way it feels, the way it looks, everything it has. I love my friends and would be lost without them....but we just can't afford to live here anymore, and with the way the housing market is, we will never get ourselves out of this little dump.

Sigh. So, that's a bit of what's on my mind now. Sorry for being depressing and self pitying and all that, but if I can't do it on my blog, then where can I?

Weekend Update

What an unpleasant weekend. Well, not all of it was that bad.

Friday Ian came home early, and he, Mary and I all got in the car and headed off to the OB/GYN. My Dr checked me out, and came to the conclusion that I have an inner ear problem called Meniere's Disease (which has been suggested to me in the past). He's in the process of getting me to see and ENT specialist, and there isn't much to do until I get that appointment.

Friday night was Purgatory. Ian and I dropped Mary off at Ravens place for the evening, and headed off through the snow and ice to the south side of the city. We stopped at Quizno's for subs for supper, and somehow the keys got locked inside the running car. Fun. After a great deal of effort and freezing coldness, along with some help from a friendly plumber, we got into the car with a minimum of damage, and made our happy way to the game.

Purgatory was fantastastic, as expected. V & I put on a fantastic version of the Christmas Carrol at the very beginning of the night which had everyone splitting their sides laughing. The evening progressed to be interesting, busy and fun for just about everyone.

Saturday I spent with Mary, cleaning up the living room and just hanging out. Saturday night was Crown of Thorns, the Arthurian game, and I was quite pumped to go. I had some inkling that some of my evil plans are coming unravelled, and I was looking forward to seing how things would work. Again there was a hilarious play put on at the begining of the night, this one a satire and mockery of the knights and kings of Arthurs court. After the play, the game itself got going. I had a quiet while, just talking and thinking and generally being quietly evil, when my body decided to betray me, luckily Mary was spending the night with Ians cousins.

You see, my body apparantly decided that what my weekend was missing was a miscarrige and several hours in the hospital. I stood up at one point in the night, and felt and heard a splash on the floor between my feet, along with a decided wetness along the insides of my thighs. I quietly and calmly made my way through the darkened room to the bathroom, hoping that no one would notice the trail I was leaving. Ian quickly came and found me sitting on the toilet and crying. After I gathered my nerves together and Ian cleaned up the mess I had left behind, we headed off for the Royal Alexandra hospital.

We arrived at the hospital, checked in, and took our seats in the waiting room. The Royal Alex, for those of you who do not know, is not in the nicest part of town. It is an inner city hospital, and there tends to be a more unsavoury element that spends their time there. Anyways, we took a seat, tried not to stare at the bleeding snoring drunks, or at the poor 20 something man who had decided to walk from one end of the city to the other in -25 degree weather with only his running shoes. We learned later that his feet were frozen solid all the way to his ankles. He spend the 3 hours he was in the waiting room bawling like a baby, it was all I could do not to go over and mother the poor bastard.

We were short-listed to see a doctor, which meant that we only had to wait 5 hours in the waiting room. I am so glad that we pay for health care in this province, it certainly seems to help. Anyways, at about 2 am, I nearly went home to loose my baby somewhere comfortable, but the nurse convinced me to stay. When the doctor came, he ordered a tonne of blood tests, iv fluids, an internal exam, and eventually an ultrasound. By time he decided on the ultrasound, it was 4 in the morning, so he told us to stay, as the U/S would be booked for "first thing in the morning." Early morning, mid morning, and late morning passed, and I was finally taken to have the u/s done at noon.

The ultrasound was surprising. There was a baby in there, alive and kicking, little heart pumping. The placenta is where it ought to be, the baby looks fine, if a little stressed. The problem is that there was a great deal of bleeding inside of the baby's sack, which is why I am still bleeding. When I was finally discharged, the doctor told me that I am experiencing a "threatened miscarriage." Basically, things could get better, or they could get worse and I could loose the baby. No one knows which way it will go, no one can change the outcome.

So, we wait, and we hope for the best while trying to prepare ourselves for the worst. The doctor told me that there is no reason why I can't continue to do what I do in day to day life, though he did suggest I take it easy for the next few days. If this is a miscarriage it will happen whether I am lying down or standing up. It's almost worse now, by time I went up for the u/s I had resigned myself to the fact that I'd lost the baby, but now I've seen it. If this is a miscarriage, it will be so much harder now that I've actually seen a living baby in my belly.

Falling Down

Not much to talk about here. The last two days I have been falling down a lot. I'm not sure why, I've often had problems with fainting in the past, but this is kind of extreme. I fainted twice yesterday, and already three times today. I called my doctors office and spoke with his nurse, and she was concerned enough to cram me in to the schedule for tomorrow afternoon. I believe I shall insist that Ian come home early from work tomorrow though, I don't trust myself to drive right now as the dizzyness is almost constant, and the fainting is bad, would be worse if it were to happen behind the wheel.

Mary is dealing with her fainting mother quite well. I wake up sprawled on the floor, couch or bed, with Mary staring at me. Once I figure out who I am and where I am, which takes a while, she grins, says "HI!" and demands a cookie. Heartless child. Thankfully I've not fallen on her, or while holding her, though it is a concern if this garbage keeps up. I really hope it doesn't. I hope I don't end up on bed rest already. I hope I don't lose the baby. Worrying does not help.

Sleeping is going a bit better, though I'm still only averaging about 4 hours a night as far as I can tell. Mary doesn't help much on that front. Monday night she was up from 12:30 to about 3 am, and she woke up this morning at about 4:30 and crashed around till Ian left for work. She's apparantly decided that sleeping is for loosers these days, she rarely naps anymore, and she stays up very late at night.

Purgatory is tomorrow night. I don't care if it kills me, I will attend that game, though I may have to miss out on the Arturian game that is happening Saturday night. I have a hard enough time with two games in one weekend at the best of times, and after the last couple of days, I really don't know if I can handle it this weekend.

A Typical Night

11:00 - Ian and I go to bed.

11:30 - We stop chatting about the day and get down to the serious business of trying to sleep.

11:35 - Ian is asleeep.

Midnight - I have to pee. Get up, stumble to the bathroom scattering cats in my wake, and do what I need too. Get back in bed.

12:15 - 2 am - Mind races through various topics. What will Mary look like when she grows up? How will Ian die? How will I die? How will the cats die? Did Ian lock the front door? Did the car doors get locked? What's that sound? I wonder if I could burn down the house and get away with it?

2:15 - Mind slows, doze off slightly.

2:30 - I have to pee. Kick Ian. Get up grumbling and do my business.

2:35 - Step in cat puke on the way back to bed. Curse.

2:45 - Crawl back in to bed. Ian snores. Kick Ian again.

2:50 - 5:15 - Toss, turn. Worry. Grumble. Kick Ian. Wonder about the baby I'm having in June. Is it a boy? Girl? Will Mary like it? Will I die giving birth to it? Will it die? Will it be handicapped because I forgot my pre-natal vitamin before going to bed tonight? I wonder if I can burn down the house without getting caught, or killing the cats...

5:30 - ARGH! Have to pee. Do it.

5:45 - Doze off again. Sweet sweet sleep.

6:00 - Ians alarm goes off. Cry.

6:07 - Alarm again.

6:14 - and again.

6:21 - and again.

6:28 - and again.

6:30 - Ian gets up. Crashes around house getting ready.

6:45 - Doze off.

7:00 - Ian leaves for work, slamming every door on the way.

7:30 - Finally! Sweet sleep takes me away!

8:30 - Mary wakes up. Chats quietly to herself in her bedroom, but still wakes me up.

9:00 - Mary gets impatient, pounds on wall with feet, hands, head, and whatever else she can think of.

9:15 - I stumble, weeping, out of bed and get another happy happy day started.


That was last night. Doesn't it sound like fun? It was a pretty typical night, though I do get an hour or two more sleep most nights. I don't know what it is, maybe my body is trying to prepare me for the inevitable fun of having a newborn and not getting any sleep.

Light at the End of the Tunnel?

Today, I feel great! It's kind of surprising, really. I've still got some lingering nausea, but it is so much less than what I've been dealing with for the last several weeks that I feel like I'm in heaven. Could this signal the beginning of the end? According to my calculations, I'm only 10 weeks along, and with Mary the morning/all day sickness didn't end till I was about 16 weeks, but this one could be different, right?

I had a pretty nice weekend. On Friday we dropped Mary off with Raven and company, and we went on a date! I know! It was crazy, to spend time with the man I married, talking to him, eating a half decent nice supper without having to deal with Mary or run out the door for some commitment or another. It was really quite amazing. We also picked the right Friday night not to hang round Ravens place, as there were 10 children between the ages of 1ish and 7ish roaming around. By time we got back all the kids except the littlest babies were sleeping.

Saturday Ian started his new/old second job. His current job just doesn't give enough hours for us to do things like pay the mortgage and buy groceries, so he went back to the place he left to become a construction worker, and told them he would work for them Saturdays and any time he got snowed out of his other job. They welcomed him back with open (and desperate for at least one competent worker) arms, and now he is doing the job that he actually enjoyed there without any responsibility, but with close to the same hourly wage as he was getting when he left. Nice, eh?

Sunday we went over to Ian's aunt and uncle's place and hung out with the gang. Colleen and Terry are really the closest thing to Grandparents that Mary has here in Edmonton, and we all love going over there in spite of the high noise levels. Ian's cousins four year old boy Buddy is often there as well, and Mary quite adores chasing him around and trying to be just like him. They always make us feel incredibly welcome and part of the family, not to mention the fact that they feed us very well every Sunday.

Today Mary let me sleep in, I did some cleaning, and made a huge pot of Manhattan clam chowder. It's incredibly easy to make, and I LOVE the stuff. My dad always makes it for me when we drive to Regina, and it's great to have on a nasty winters day like today. It'll be nice and hot on the stove when poor Ian stumbles in from a long day working in the snow, wind and cold.

Lest We Forget

In Flanders Fields
By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae MD (1872 - 1918)

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky,
The larks stil bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow.
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Still Alive

Hello, everyone. Yes, I'm still alive, even though I've neglected this little corner of my life shamefully. I really haven't done or thought much lately. Occasionally I think about blogging, but I think that y'all would get sick of daily posts of "Still want to puke. Sweet Jesus I hate being pregnant, why did I do this to myself again?" Wouldn't you?

Anyways. I still want to puke all day long. I hate being pregnant. I hated it the first time, but for some reason I forgot that fact in the 1.5 years after giving birth to Mary. Now I remember. I will not forget again, I swear it.

Grey's Anatomy was a doozy tonight. I have found that the first several episodes this season did not have the emotional punch of last season. I hardly wept in any of them. Tonight, I cried. Oh man, I cried. They had a pregnant woman who fell in the shower and broke her wrist. When doing an ultrasound, it was discovered that the baby, who had been healthy the day before, was dead. They showed the poor girl giving birth to her dead baby. I have to say, when I was pregnant with Mary, and now in this pregnancy, that is my biggest fear. Having to go through labour for a dead baby. I don't think I could do it, I really don't. Anyways, I've already had nightmares about this very thing, I don't imagine I'll sleep very well tonight.

Alcohol

The other night a friend of mine was telling me that she believes that a glass of wine every once in a while when pregnant is harmless. I was inclined to believe with her, and for the most part I still am. I believe that the big problem is binge drinking, and people who don't know when to stop. I didn't drink when I was pregnant with Mary, and I won't drink during this pregnancy either, it's a choice I have made, and a choice that was cemented in the last two days.

Yesterday and today I babysat for a friend. She has several foster children, two of whom are babies. These babies are wonderful happy little guys, but they are definately special needs kids. They require feeding through tubes, they are both 12 months old, but developmentally they remind me of Mary when she was about 6 months. It is an incredible amount of work to look after them. It's frustrating, annoying, dificult and at times heartwrenching, and I admire my friend immensely for the work that she does with these kids. Some people don't understand it, I do, it needs to be done, and without people like her and her husband, these babies wouldn't have anywhere to go. I certainly couldn't do it.

Anyways, after looking after these babies, I came to a realization as to why even if I think it probably won't do any damage to have a glass of wine I will be drinking gingerale at Christmas. I'm just not absolutely certain. I don't want to take the chance of ending up with a child that is ill simply because I missed drinking wine now and then. And to be honest, a big part of it is selfishness too, I don't ever want to have to deal with what I've been dealing with the last couple of days again.

Anyways, there you have it. Now for pictures of my beautiful girl on Haloween! The first picture is in our kitchen (notice the tasteful teal tile on the walls! It's in the bathroom too.) and the second is at Ian's aunt and uncle's place.

 

 

 

Puke

Hello there! I've finally gathered the energy to sit down and wiggle my fingers over the keyboard in an attempt to discuss my vacation. You can see pictures over at Mary's Blog if you're interested.

Okay. The trip to Regina for Thanksgiving was nice. Mary handled the 8 hour drive there very well, although by the end she was pretty glad to be out of the car. We had a nice time there, got Mary a new bed (the one she had was falling appart due to hard use), and ate tonnes of food. On the trip home, Mary did not do so well. She had been stuffing herself the whole weekend, and the days of too much rich food caught up with her shortly after we left Saskatoon when she barfed all over herself and the back seat of the car.

The day after we got home from Regina, Mary and I hopped on a plane to Abbotsford. The flight went well, and all I have to say is Thank GOD for Westjet. They have extra leg room, and sattelite tv's in the back of every seat. Mary was fully entertained for the whole trip by watching Animal Planet.

We had a great time in B.C. visiting my mum and my family. We took the ferry to Victoria to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin over there. On the ferry back to Vancouver, travelling with Mary was like travelling with a rock star. There were several tour busses of Japanese folk of all ages travelling that day, and they all loved Mary. The teenage girls asked if they could have their pictures taken with her. The old people followed her around snapping pictures of her and picking her up and passing her around. She loved the attention, and I was a little concerned that she would end up in Japan.

The most exciting part of my trip was my first day in B.C., I think. I hadn't been feeling well, really quite unwell to be honest. My period was a little late, and there had been some strange action down there over the Thanksgiving weekend. So, I decided to pee on a stick. Yup. I'm pregnant again. I was excited at first, until I remembered how miserable being pregnant is. I won't go into the gory details, but suffice it to say, Morning Sickness is a serious misnomer.

I started to tell Mary that there's a baby in my belly, and at first she was puzzled, and would look into my pockets and under my shirt. Now she just grins and points at my belly and shouts "Baaaaaaaa-Beee!" I'm sure she has no idea what's going on, but I want to get her used to the fact before the baby comes in June.

I'm Baa-ack!

Hi there everyone!

I'm back! I had a lovely trip, although two weeks was about a week too long. I'm still getting everything organized and settling in, but in a day or two I will have my thoughts organized enough to show you some pictures and tell you some stories about my time in the Fraiser Valley. Oh, and tell you some other exciting stuff too!

Okay, I must get back to catching up on my blog reading. Two weeks away from the internet nearly killed me.

Baby Blogging

 

 

Mary's new favourite spot is in the toy box, after she empties it of almost all toys, of course.

Well, I'm not sure when I will blog again. Mary, Ian and I are hopping in the car and driving 8 hours to Regina for Thanksgiving, and driving back on Monday. Then Mary and I are hopping on a jet plane and flying to Vancouver, where we will visit with my Mum, brother and various other family members for 2 weeks. So, take care, I'll miss you all, and I will have pictures and stories when I get back on the 24th! 

Response

The post I made a few days ago on the young woman who murdered her baby has gotten a lot of comments, and not all of them were agreeing with me. I certainly didn't expect people to see my point of view, in fact, it was one of those posts that gave me butterflies when I posted it. I was concerned that people out there would be offended by my point of view. Some were, but everyone who commented here was nice and polite. Someone just posted a comment that I wanted to adress more fully though.

Okay, I'll bite...

How, then, do you fathom that a sane woman kills her child, KNOWING it is wrong, and being 100% sane. How can you be sane and kill your baby?

Those who know me to be quick to judge on just about every aspect of life and politics. But after what I went though this past year I have to have some sympathy for any mother that finds a way to rationalize killing their baby.

If you think you are disturbed by it imagine living with killing your baby for the rest of your life.

I have met women who can not be alone in a room with their children, and haven't been able to do so for years. These women are suffering from a far more real thing than any one who hasn't been there can imagine. And when we would meet, their sorrow was like a giant elephant in the room.

Compared to them, I was lucky. But I am also very aware that I was not only not myself, but I was unable to come back from a very scary, and very real place. And again, those who know me know me to have an iron will.

Perhaps it is overdiagnosed, but PPD is real, and while I don't condone killing babies I think its incredibly dangerous dismiss it entirely. Remembering of course that there are only a few extreme cases... And probably EVERY time depression related murder happens it gets reported by our wonderfully oversensationalist media.

I am also sad that there is no longer any funding in Mental Health for PPD. In our community the breif intervention clinique has been closed, leaving women who are suffering after they have a baby with a THREE WEEK WAITING LIST to get help. This is disturbing to me because had I waited 3 weeks God only knows how much further down the road I would have been.

I have chosen to see a Naturapath for my remaining symptoms, which costs alot of money and requires a ridiculous amount of commitment. Not every one has that luxery. And while I have been strictly synical until now about anti-depressants I think its that attitude that keeps people who really need the drugs from taking them... and that's how this shit happens.

Woh! I just started typing and this all just came out! Sorry about that... Its just a really really complex issue and some of the general disdain in the other comments were just to black and white for me.

Nice Blog my friend. Its my first visit!

I really have to adress the first sentance: "How, then, do you fathom that a sane woman kills her child, KNOWING it is wrong, and being 100% sane. How can you be sane and kill your baby?"

Really, when you put it that way, can you be sane and kill anyone? And that is my point in a nutshell. This girl killed her baby, and I really don't think that it ought to be seen as any different than if she killed her brother, her mother, her neighbour, a stranger on the street or five Amish girls in a one room school. Murder is murder. Yes, it's tough for new mothers, and maybe there ought to be more funding out there for PPD. Though in my experience the moment someone thought that I might have PPD, I wasn't left alone for months. The fact is, this girl wasn't willing to look for help, due to whatever reason. Not three weeks, not three days, not even 3 hours.

Now, don't get me wrong. I feel for the girl, really I do. I can't imagine what happened to her to make her think that her only choice was to wrap her underwear around her newborns neck and toss him over the fence into the neighbours yard. I can't imagine that her life will ever be easy, in or out of jail, she will have to carry the knowledge that she killed her baby forever. I certainly don't believe that her family is blameless. I would hope that if Mary were to ever get herself pregnant, one, she would feel able to speak with Ian and I about it, and two, if she chose to keep it a secret, we would be involved enough in her life that we would notice that something was up.

I think that mental illness, while it is a very real and terrible thing, is too often used as an excuse. Be it the nurse in Northern Alberta who poisoned and stole from her fellow employees for months before getting caught, to the young mother who murders her baby, to the US Congressman who writes inappropriate emails to teenage pages and blames being abused when he was a child. People need to take responsibilites for their actions, and need to learn to deal with the consequences. We all live through trauma, we all suffer and survive and carry on with our lives. The vast majority of us know the difference between right and wrong, and should be able to control our impulses.

What a Deal!

Attention people with cat allergies! (I immediately thought of you when I read this, Raven). Do you wish you could have a cat in spite of horrible allergies? Do you have $4000 US laying around just waiting to be spent? Well, have I got the deal for you! Scientifically proven hypoallergenic cats!

Cats and Gods

Ah, the struggles of napping time...will they ever end? If this past weekend is any indication then I have serious doubts.

Saturday was a rough day for Mary. We had Purgatory Friday night, and didn't pick her up until close to 3 AM. Of course she woke up when we packed her into the car, and she grinned and chatted with us the whole way home from Sherwood Park. She slept in some on Saturday, but refused to nap. We were going to go over to a friends place to hang out with a group and watch movies, but after a long and miserable day, Mary passed out in her fathers arms at 5:30. We decided to stay in. Sunday was much of the same. Yelling and misery all day, no nap, and an early bedtime. So far today she has been relatively cheerful, but she is currently in her bedroom, supposedly napping. What she is doing instead is knocking on her bedroom door and saying "Hi! Hi! Mummy? DADDY! Hi! (mumblemumblemumble) Hi! Mummy? CAT! CAT!! GOD! nose. ow. uh oh. uh oh. UH OH! HI! GOD! spoon. (mumblemumblemumble) Ha! HA! uh oh. No. No. NO! Mummy? nononono. DADDY! wow. wheeeeee. Cat. GOD!" She's been doing that running monologue for the last hour and a half now. I'm begining to think that naptime is once again a bust today.

Two Shirtless Goofs

 

I fought with Ian to get him to smile while I was taking this picture. He claims that he is smiling, but I don't see it. 

No Excuses

Last night a young woman in Alberta was convicted of Second degree murder for the death of her newborn infant. Her trial had been in the news quite a bit over the last couple of weeks. The defense was trying to get her found guilty of the lesser charge of infanticide due to mental illness. This young woman hid her pregnancy and gave birth in her parents basement. When the newborn started crying, she wrapped a pair of her underwear around his little neck and tossed him over the fence into her neighbour's yard. When the dead baby was found, she at first claimed that she had never had a child, then she claimed that she did have a baby, but gave him away, then she claimed that her boyfriend did it, before finally admitting what she had done. The girls family call the verdict a travesty of justice.

Being a relatively new Mum, I followed the trial somewhat, and I had very strong feelings about it. I find that more and more mental illnesses such as post partum depression are being used as handy excuses to get away with doing things that everyone knows is wrong. "I didn't mean to shoot that girl/kill my baby/run my neighbour over, but I couldn't help it. I'm depressed." It makes me sad, and it makes me angry that people can get away with these things. I acknowledge that there are people out there who are mentally ill, who perhaps cannot see the difference between right and wrong, who need medications to keep themselves level. I do not, however, believe that depression/mental illness is as common as drug companies and Dr. Phil would have us believe.

I had a hard time after Mary was born. An Extremely Hard Time. I know others who went through extremely difficult times after their children were born. Yes, I did in fact have thoughts about hurting my baby, and hurting myself. I also knew that they were wrong. I knew that as tempting as it was, it was wrong to put my baby out in a snowbank until she stopped screaming. I got help from my husband, from my friends and from my doctor. I didn't kill my baby, but if I had, I certainly would expect to be punished. Murder is murder, whether it is a baby, a toddler, a teenager, your spouse, your mother. Murder is murder, whether you are depressed or not. I believe this girl knew what she was doing was wrong from the moment that baby was born, and the proof is in the fact that she lied and lied and lied about what actually happened.

Sleep?

Can you see the time stamp? Can you? Well, if you can't, i'll tell you....it's 2:25 in the morning, and I am sitting at my computer. My husband is fast asleep in bed, but I'm sitting here. Why am I not snuggled up beside my husband, you may ask? Well, if you can come up with an answer, give me a call and let me know. All I know is that Mary'll be up in a while, I'm tired, but I can't sleep. Oh, and every time I lay down, my sinuses clog up like something else. I suppose I could try to sleep, but it's just so frustrating to lay there on the bed, tossing and turning while time passes and Ian snores peacefully. It's almost better to sit here and fight the sleep which I know won't come if I try for it. Much More Music is playing some good video's tonight anyways...

If I get tired enough, I'll sleep well tomorrow, right?

Baby Blogging

Here are some lovely pictures that I've taken of the poo monster in the last week. In a couple you can see the scabs on her poor little nose. They fell off yesterday, and now her nose is just a bit pink.


 
 
  

A Great Pootastrophie

So. I bought a new brand of diapers the other day. I got the Pampers Easy Ups. I liked them, until I realized that Easy ups are also easy downs. Yesterday morning, Mary came marching out of her bedroom stark naked. Thankfully, we could not find any messes. We were not so lucky at nap time today. The poo, it was everywhere, accompanied by its good friend urine. No more easy downs in this house, I think. I hope we survive through the bag that we've already opened.

Same Pattern On the Table, Same Clock On the Wall

Wow. Blogger's being dificult these last couple of days. I've been trying to post since yesterday afternoon. And even commenting on blogger blogs is a pain in the ass.

The diaper rash issue seems to be suddenly resolving itsef, thank goodness. I was really regretting having a stark naked Miss Mary roaming the house leaving puddles in her wake. I wish it were still summer, I'd just put her in the back yard and let her enjoy the freedom of no clothes. Anyways, thank you all for the advice! I'm sure that it will come up again, and now I have some good ideas what to do. Though I must ask, was I the only one taken aback by Goody's $275.00 consult fee for her sons bum? I mean, I know that they have to pay for doctors visits in the States, but I had no idea it was that costly. I'm especially thankful for living up here after reading that, particularly when I think of the paniced visits I made to Marys pediatritian during her first year of life.

My poor husband is having a hard time with life right now, I'm afraid to say. We are learning that as adults with a child, we don't really spend a lot of time together anymore. Last night, both of us got home around the same time, him from work, me from babysitting. He hopped into the tub, I fed Mary, and then I ran out the door to babysit Ravens awesome kids. As I was heading out the door he muttered something about maybe spending time with me in 2007. We are both so busy, and evenings are the only time I can do a lot of things that I want to do that need to be done sans toddler. I was looking at our weeknights, and we (I) now have no free evenings. Monday I go to Ravens place to play Seventh Sea, Tuesdays is D&D night, Wednesdays I will be looking after Ravens kids (which I would be delighted to do, even if she (the government) was not paying me, Thursdays is pole dance class and Grey's Anatomy (Season starts tonight! My tear ducts are ready!), and Fridays are various live games for Ian, and game night at Ravens place. Two Saturday evenings a month are live games for me. Sundays are quiet, but sometimes Ian works on the weekends. Phew. Well, pole dance ends next week, so that'll open up Thursdays again. I'm not going to take another class till the end of October, I'm going to Vancouver for a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving.

In other news, please see the comments on my last post for why homosexual marriage will bring about the downfall of our society. Roaming around naked during the day! Could it get more....um...what word am I looking for here? Oh well, I am righteously indignant. Now, where are my pants?

The Sky Was Dull And Hypothetical

What a crummy week. The rain and miserable weather are getting to me. At least I don't work outside like Ian. Poor bastard.

I did have a good weekend in spite of the weather. Friday was spend exchanging increasingly silly emails with a large group of friends, and Friday evening I went over to Emmett's place with said group to hang out. We chatted and geeked some, and then we decided to watch 'V for Vendetta.' The movie was even better the second time around, I was able to pick up on some of the more subtle details that I missed the first time. Saturday Ian got up bright and early for work, only to appear home shortly after that because of the weather. We hung out, went for breakfast with friends, did stuff around the house. That night was our Arthurian LARP, at which the Knights of Camelot fought the prettiest, girliest Roman army ever (the women all hid in the keep, so we got to play the Romans in our lovely gowns and tiaras). Ian worked Sunday, and Mary and I....um....I don't think we did anything other than hang out and cuddle on the couch.

Over the past few days Mary has been incredibly clumsy, and every time she falls she hits/scrapes her poor little nose. It's very red now, and has a huge scrape right on the end. She looks like she gets beaten on a regular basis, poor little thing. I'll try to get a picture of it tomorrow so I can show you all, it's quite pathetic. She's also developed a very bad case of diaper rash, the poor baby. It's nasty, and she freaks out every time her diaper needs changing because she knows it's going to hurt to have her bum wiped. It's actually bleeding, and the penatin cream doesn't seem to help. Do you think I ought to take her to the doctor now, or wait a little while longer?

Okay. It's late. I need to sleep now. G'nite everyone!

It's a Cool, Sweet Kinda Place Where the 'Copters Won't Spot It.

It's been a busy week!

Well, not really busy in a classic sense. Time just flies these days. Between Mary, the house, the cats and Ian, I am rarely bored.

Mary's been doing fabulously well, and she has more words than ever! She now says:

High Chair, Mummy, Daddy, Baby, Up, Hi! No! Down! Don't! Cat, Dog, Puppy, Kitten, Jonah, Eye, Ear, Bum, Diaper, Car, Supper, Juice, Cookie, Night Night, Milk, Bottle. I'm sure there's more that I'm missing, it's really amazing, she has a new word every day it seems. She also knows to point to her head, hair, eyes, nose, ears, mouth, cheeks belly, knees, shoulders, feet, toes and bum.

So, one of Ians co-workers wives just started a job as a school bus driver. They are desperate for drivers here due to the labour shortage, and they are willing to do all sorts of things to convince you to work for them. They have paid training, they pay for your drivers lisence, and they will install a car seat for your child if you are a stay at home mother so you can bring the baby along while you work. I'm seriously considering becoming a school bus driver. It's only a few hundred dollars a month, but that's more than I'm making now, and I can't really think of a reason why not too take the job if they let me bring Miss Mary along with me.

Tomorrow is Pole Dance. I'm kind of dreading it a little bit. Last week was incredibly hard...we had a substitute teacher and she was MEAN. Also, I nearly wrenched my arm right out of its socket and had to re-learn everything left handed. I should have expected it, my right arm is weak and pathetic due to living with a badly separated shoulder for about 5 years, ending with surgery that didn't really work. Anyways, it hurt. Tomorrow we are learning another spin, the backwards spin. I can't even do the first spin we learned! Someone save me from exercise and learning to be sexy! (I'm SO not sexy. Not at all. Just sweaty and kinda fat...oh, and clumsy too)

I made a strategic error last week. The Jehovas Witnesses visited me again (I can't remember if I told you about this or not). As always I was polite and listened to what they had to say, even when the older fellow basically told me that the Muslims and Jews are going to Hell (His actual words were "The Jews and Muslims, they don't follow Jesus, so we know that they are lost."). Anyways, they were back today to read more bible scriptures to me. I really haven't the heart to tell them to go away, and I honestly don't mind listening to what they have to say...but I suspect that they'll never leave me alone now. They are already promising to come back next week to chat again. I may have to answer the door naked or something. Or just stop answering the door....or invite them in for tea...

Just For Goody

You asked, and so you shall receive.

The Doodlebop Pledge. (Keep in mind that the following is recited loudly and rythmically while marching around waving flags that match the colour of one's clothing)

Ahem.

We promise to share, we promise to care, all together as a team!

Just stick to it! We can do it! We can do anything!

Stand tall, say it loud, we're together and we're proud!

Deedee, Rooney, Moe! (Those are the doodlebops names, you see. Each one shouts their name while proudly waving their personal flag in the air above their head.)

After reciting the pledge, you should run wildly around leaping over furnature and doing cartwheels.


Aren't you glad you asked?

When I am King

Yesterday was an interesting day. Mary and I got up bright and early to take the care in to the garage that put new brakes on it a month ago. The brakes are still incredibly and annoyingly squeaky, and I've been concerned that perhaps the brakes are not in the best shape after all. The fellows at the place looked at them however, and assured me that the brakes are perfectly safe and the squeaking is just a "Taurus thing." I have my doubts that it's a Taurus thing, but I do believe that my car is safe, if annoying, to drive.

In the afternoon I got a phone call from Raven asking me to go look after her kids that evening, so she and her lovely husband could spend some time together. I was more than happy to head out to Sherwood Park and do my part. The boys were both locked away in their bedrooms when I got there, so all I needed to do was entertain the girl. I spent the entire time being bossed around (in a very cute and imaginative way) and pretending to visit various characters from Kids CBC. It was a fun time, though I discovered that I know the entire "Doodlebop Pledge" by heart.

When I got home Ian and I had an interesting conversation, which once again made me wonder how on earth I ended up married to someone who is the complete polar opposite of me when it comes to politics. Anyways, I love him dearly, but we can't talk politics without me ending up in frustrated tears and quivering with rage at him. You'd think I'd have learned not to mention that sort of thing to him by now. In case you were wondering, our chat last night was about censorship...wow. Just thank your lucky stars that my husband isn't the king of the world.

Tonight is my pole dancing class, it's been a week already. My bruise from last week is starting to heal, and doesn't hurt so much anymore, but I'm sure I'll fix that tonight.

Did you know?

Did you know that Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog? I didn't till this weekend. Now I spend time every day going through the archives and reading what he has to say. It's tough to read, but very entertaining! You should check it out! (Thanks to Anne R. Key for pointing the way).

I really did have something else I wanted to say here today, but it seems to have slipped my poor brain. I'll come back later if I think of what it was.

Proof

I have decided to present proof to you that pole dancing is indeed a dangerous sport. This is a picture of the bruise on my inner right thigh that I managed to give myself learning the "Fireman spin" on Thursday night. When I took this picture the bruise was 4 days old, and it's looking much better than it did on Friday.

 

In other news, do you like my new keyboard? Isn't it nice? Someone (possibly me) dumped half a cup of hot tea on the keyboard Saturday morning, and it just couldn't take the abuse. 

The Betty Cup Invitational

Happy long weekend everyone! So far it's been a lovely one for us.

Friday we went, as always, to Raven and Shades place in Sherwood Park. There was some landscaping work going on in the front yard, and my husband, being the helpful bloke that he is decided to pitch in and assist with the rock moving endeavour. I went inside and hung out with Raven and the kids, which is fun and incredibly exhausting. Thankfully all four of the children gathered there are very well behaved for the most part. We had a wonderful supper of home-made pulled pork, which was great, but not as great as the last time Raven made it. We played a round or two of a game called Jungle Go, and then Shades ran part two of our two part adventure in an RPG called The Mountain Witch. It's a very neat game, and although I was nervous at first due to the way the game is narrated by both the GM and the players, it turned out to be great fun and very satisfying. Apparantly next week we may end up playing a game in which we are all cavemen, and we can only grunt and gesture to get our points across to the other players. Cool. After we finished playing Mountain Witch, we played more Jungle Go. I have learned that I am much better at that game when I have a case of Coke under my belt.

Saturday was a lazy day, I slept in (mostly because I didn't fall asleep till after 5 am due to the gallons of cola that I consumed). We went to West Edmonton Mall to pick up some litter boxes and makeup for me for Paradise Lost. Let me just say that West Ed is a miserable place at the best of times, let alone on the Saturday of Labour Day long weekend with a crabby toddler. We got what we needed, and by time we got out of there we were all ready to tear eachother to shreds. That night was Paradise Lost, and it was fantastic as always. Bad things had happened to my character in downtime which were not clear to everyone, but by the end of the night, I think everyone knew that something was up.

Today was the Betty Cup Invitational Croquet Tournament. I did not place in any of the games, which was unfortunate, but we had a lovely time. I got lots of pictures, but due to the fact that it was beautiful and sunny out today, many of them are not very good because of shadows. Mary was mostly good, and busied herself with making sure the pond was always full of croquet balls. She was very good at her job. Our neighbours, I & V have themed their backyard on Alice in Wonderland, so there are a great many plastic hedgehogs that Mary would throw into the pond, an adult would retrieve from the water, just to have Mary toss them back into the pond.


 


Tomorrow we will head back to Sherwood Park to spend the morning at a Spray Park with many children. It will be either fun, or horrible. It's always a gamble. 

Adventures in Pole Dancing

I had my second pole dancing class last night, and it once again confirmed that I am in terrible shape, and not particularly sexy. Though I am getting a bit better, I like to think. Last night we learned the "Fireman Spin" on the pole, and the "Sexy Pushup" on the floor. I was concerned about the spin, and it turns out I was right to be worried. Today I have a giant bruise on the inside of my right thigh from doingit incorrectly, and bruises on both my ankles from doing it correctly. I'm still not doing it properly, but by the end of the night, I managed to spin around the pole and actually land on my feet, which is a big step up from the way I ended up sprawled on the floor the first couple of times I tried. The Sexy Pushup is a miserable thing. I don't have a lot of strength in my arms, thanks to years of having a separated shoulder, followed by surgery 3 years ago, and ending up with arthritis in said shoulder. I've avoided using my arms for a long time, and pole dancing requires a whole lot of upper body strength. Anyways, I showed Ian how to do the sexy pushup (which I cannot myself do just yet) and even he thought it was tough, and he has upper body strength to spare. So, I will continue to stick with this class, and probably take it again. It's really great exercise, once again muscles that I didn't realize I had are aching today. As ridiculous as I feel, the women in the class and the instructors are friendly and fun to be with. I've never found a way to exercise for an hour that only feels like 15 minutes.

I must go, Mary is shouting "No!" very angrily at the TV, apparantly Zabomafoo has done something with a Llama that she does not approve of.

What I Learned Today

When bringing your toldder to a petting zoo, do not put her in the pretty green shirt with ruffles on the front. Unless of course you want the toddler to get eaten by goats. Enough said.

Andy Panda

My baby brother. He's turning 26 in two months, so I guess he's not such a baby anymore. He's also done very well for himself in Vancouver, and he's an excellent person to go to if you have a question about wine. In fact, if you're ever in "The Big Smoke" drop by Marquis Wine Cellars and say hello to him.

 
 
 

I decided to post this instead of commenting on the DRAMA! that is going on in our little social circle. Emmett and Anne R. Key are far more involved than I, but the whole thing makes me shake my head. That is all.

So, on Friday before Purgatory Mary and I ran to Safeway. I had comitted to making up some fake blood for the game, and needed supplies. My list was Cocoa powder, Grenadine, Corn Syrup and red and green food colouring. While paying, the girl at the till, being a friendly girl and wanting to make conversation, said "So, what are you making? Looks like it'll be something good!" I could feel myself turn bright red, and I muttered something about baking brownies before scuttling out of the store. I suppose I could have told her that I was making a few litres of fake blood, but I'm not sure that'd go over too well. 

The End of Summer Bash

Our friends V & I had their end of summer bbq today, and we had a lovely time. It was Marys second time enjoying the party, and she had an absolute blast.

Here's a picture of last year's party:

 

And here's a picture of this year:

 


It just never ceases to amaze me to see how quickly she changes.

Oh, and you might be interested to know that the pretty pink dress she was wearing today was actually made for me by my Grandmother, almost 30 years ago. 

Confirmation

I had my first dance class last night, and while it was not awful, it confirmed several things in my mind.

First - I am in terrible shape. Seriously. Though not as terrible as I expected myself to be.

Second - I despise physical activity of any time. Again, I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would, which is nice.

Third - I'm fat.

Fourth - I am not even moderately sexy. I spent a whole lot of time looking at my fat self in the mirrors which are on every wall last night and trying not to laugh at myself. I kept thinking "What is that fatso doing trying to be sexy...there's nothing sexy about all that flab." Also, I am so uncoordinated it's not even funny. While doing the "sexy walk" one is expected to run ones hands over ones body. I, however, am so busy concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other without falling down, any movement of my hands messes with that and I do fall down. Don't even get me started on the actual pole work. yeesh.

It was a good workout though, better than I had expected. Every muscle in my body, including my abs (which i thought that pregnancy had destroyed) aches. It's nbot a bad ache, really, I'm kind of enjoying it. And who knows, if I stick with these classes, maybe I'll loose a little weight and learn to put one foot in front of the other without falling down.

The Great Bra Hunt

Yeah yeah, I know. Lollyblogger. Is anyone surprised? To be honest, I've been having a tough time blogging at all for the last few months. Life has settled into a sort of routine that does not have room for any excitement.

Anyways, one bit of excitement is that I start a Pole Dancing class tonight. Yes, I did say pole dancing. I'm pretty excited about it, a few of the girls that I know have been taking the classes for a while, and they love them. So, I have decided to take the plunge and sign up. I really need to loose weight, and I hate physical activity, but I have been told that this is great fun, so I'm going to try. Aside from which, one friend of mine who is built in much the same way as I am has lost 2 dress sizes since she started. The added bonus is increased flexibility and confidence. I've never ever considered myself sexy at all...I'm about as limber as an 80 year old, but hopefully this class will change that a bit.

One problem with taking this class is that I needed to find a sports bra. Apparently the world has decreed that fat women with big boobs don't exercise, and never will, therefore they don't need to make sports bra's in larger sizes. I've always had very large boobs, and I always will...loosing weight likely will not change that. It's always a nightmare finding a bra that fits, but hunting for a sports bra was a step beyond...almost as painful as looking for a new bathing suit. After the third time I tried on an XL bra that barely covered my nipples let alone supported anything, I was close to tears. I finally found something that fits half decently, although the support is not what I would have liked...but I made do, I really don't think I would have found anything better.

On the Mary front...well...she is just funnier and funnier every day. She has taken to disciplining herself when she gets into trouble. If she climbs up onto the cat house or diningroom table, she starts to yell "Down! DOWN!" at herself, and if she gets into something she knows she shouldn't, she starts saying "No. No no no." even before she does it. She's also gone baby CRAZY. Everywhere we go she points out every baby she can see, and often a short person is considered a baby. At home she has a Cabbage Patch doll which she got for her 1st birthday. She never paid attention to the doll till this past weekend, but now she drags it everywhere. She shares her juice and cookies with Baby, pretends to change it's diaper, wacks it's face against the wall, brushes its hair, tosses it to the floor, and tucks it in under any sort of blanket/clothing that she can find. She still loves her cars and trucks, but she's definitely got the baby bug. Hopefully Moustapha and I can provide her with a real baby to take care of (minus the face bashing and tossing to the floor) in the not too distant future!

Oh! Did I mention that it is officially official, Moustapha has a new job? It's great to have him home every evening, and even better is that his new employer actually has health benefits! Which means that I will be able to get new glasses, which I desperately need. I can't do any of my embroidery right now, which is annoying because I'm getting better at it, and I've managed to teach myself to do more than just cross-stitch too. But if I do it for too long (more than about 10 minutes) right now I just give myself a splitting headache. I have a couple of big projects that I want to finish before Christmas, and I need to get to work now so I can finish them in time.

Anyways, Purgatory is tomorrow night, and I've had some big changes happen with my character. BIG changes. So, I must think on how I will play with it...no matter what, it'll be interesting. I waited up till 1am for my turn last night, and when I got it...well, it was fantastic as usual.

Good News

Well, it's only a step away from being officially official. Moustapha has accepted a job working in Alberta. He has been working with this company all week now, and found out yesterday how much they are willing to pay him. It's not quite as much as we had hoped, but it isn't bad, and it is much closer to home. In fact, he should be home pretty much every evening and weekend. Isn't that fabulous? It's certainly worth a dollar pay cut to start, in my mind. The last step is informing his other employers that he won't be traipsing all over the world with them anymore. It's going to be hard, not only because it's always an uncomfortable thing to quit a job, but because he is working all day it is hard to actually get ahold of the boss to let him know. I'm confident it'll all work out though.

Baby Blogging

 


I took this picture when we were walking home from a lovely afternoon tea with V &I the other day. Mary just can't get enough of her Daddy, and neither can I. 

Life or Something Like It

Once again I am finding myself slipping into lollybloggerdom. I keep trying to post here, I know I have stuff to say, but when I get at the computer, I just stare blankly at the monitor for a while before walking away.

Anyways, I'll start with a week update, if I can remember what has happened.

Moustapha is still working with the new company in Red Deer. Every morning he gets up at a God awful early hour, and drives to the south side of the city where he meets up with his co-workers. Then they all pile into a truck and drive the hour and a half to Red Deer. The best part is that he is usually home between 5:30 and 6 every night. We still (!!!) don't know how much they are paying him, but hopefully he will talk to the owner of the company (who hired him, and then went on vacation) soon. If they are willing to pay him what he was making working out of town, then he will be staying with these guys. It's wonderful to have him home, and equally wonderful to have him out of the house during the day.

We had a very busy weekend with lots of social interaction. On Friday evening we went over to Anne R. Key and the Dauntless Janets place to play Texas Hold'em. It was great fun, and I managed to consume an entire bottle of white wine all by myself. We tired of poker after a while and decided to try out Rumoli, and eventually moved on to a game called "Would You Rather?" By that time Emmett had come over and he joined in on the games. I think that he ended up winning Would You Rather, but the details are a little fuzzy.

Saturday a good friend of ours got married in an incredibly Catholic ceremony. As we were going to the Basillica downtown to attend the wedding, we saw that the main drag downtown on which the church resided was closed off. We had no idea what for, but there were people lined up on the sidewalk, so we asked. It turned out that the Carribian festival was starting that day with a parade. Half way through the ceremony the very loud (deafening) music started outside and echoed through the church. Mary and I headed outside to watch the parade, and she was extremely concerned by the brightly coloured wierdo's dancing down the street. Her brow was furrowed, and she refused to smile no matter how hard the scantily clad women gyrated in an attempt to please her.

We headed home for a nap after the ceremony and parade, and then went to the reception at around 6 that evening. Mary spent the entire two hours that we were there running around the hall. Running and running and running. Occasionally she would climb up into an empty chair, pound the table and babble at the people seated there, before climbing down and running some more. It was incredible, and exhausting. We left the reception when the speaches started and wandered over to Emmets for a birthday pie party. I was confident that Mary would pass out the minute we put her in her playpen, but I did not count on the fact that I had forgotten to bring her bottle. We put her down and she proceded to scream bloody murder and jump wildly up and down in her playpen for about an hour and a half. Finally I decided to let her out for a while. She spent the entire rest of the evening charming the pants off the resolutely childless that were gathered there. She organized the remote controls and cat toys, she picked stuff up off the floor and put it on the table, she babbled and coo'd at the kitten, and was all in all a delight to have around. I was pretty worried about setting her free in that crowd, I know that they are not baby people, and I didn't want to ruin their fun, but I think it went pretty well. We left at 11:30 and Mary had not slept a wink. I would have liked to stay later, but we all needed sleep, and I wanted to leave before Marys attitude went down the drain.

Sunday we did nothing. We wandered around a mall, rented a movie, and relaxed.

Monday Ian went back to work, and Mary and I hung out. I had grand plans to do stuff around the house, but I discovered that my keys were missing. I spent 3 hours searching high and low for the keys, and eventually had to call I & V and beg them for a ride to my babysitting gig. Last night I went over to Raven's place to roleplay. It was great fun as always, and I caused all sorts of problems between the characters, including moving in on one girls fiancee, and having a member of the crew lashed within an inch of his life for daring to slap me. Raven was exhausted, they had returned from Gen Con that day, and she didn't last very long, but it was nice to see her anyways. Oh! And she brought back the pinkest, girliest dice I've ever seen! Yay!

Tonight is D&D, and tomorrow I babysit late, though I should be home in time to watch the finale of So You Think You Can Dance.

Update

I've become a real lollyblogger again, unfortunately. I just haven't much to type about here, and when I do think of something, it's either at 3 in the morning, or I'm just too lazy to sit down and type.

Ian (sorry, that's Moustapha) has been home for a week and a half now. He just started working for a company that is not a front for a notorious biker gang yesterday. The bonus, aside from not working for that biker gang is that they are working in Red Deer right now. So, he gets up early in the morning and meets his ride on the south side of the city. They all drive to Red Deer, and he's home by 6ish in the evening. On monday they start working in Nisku, which is even closer. We will see after today if he is going to stay with them, depending on how much they offer to pay him, but all in all it looks positive. The company is local, they only work in Alberta. If he does have to go out of town they do 11 days out and 3 in. They have a benifit plan, and they are willing to give him tickets for the work he does so that he is officially qualified. If he sticks around long enough, they may even help him get his Journeyman ironworker ticket.

Mary is doing well, every day she has more words that I can understand. We ended up quitting the swimming lessons, the chlorine was doing horrible things to her poor skin. She was just one giant ball of eczema, and it was pretty awful. After one or two days with no swimming, it cleared right up, so I decided not to go back. No big loss for her really, as she hated it anyways.

Well, that's all for now. Maybe I will have something a bit more interesting to say later on.

Friday Baby Blogging

Or, why did we ever pay for a bed?

 

I don't know why we bothered. Mary NEVER sleeps in her bed. She drags her stuffed animals and her blankets off the bed, and curls up on the nice comfy hardwood floor. 

Swimming is fun

Mary and I started swimming lessons on Monday morning, and it's fun. Sort of.

This is a picture of Mary and I last year when we took the same class. Cute, eh?

 


Here are some pictures of our lesson today.


 
 
 



What you can't tell in these pictures is that from the moment we got into the water, Mary started saying "All Done!" quite seriously. And she didn't stop the entire time we were swimming. We started off in the deep pool, which is kind of cool, but not too bad. She clung to me like a little leach and shivered. She refuses to kick, splash or blow bubbles in the water at all. When we got into the warm toddler pool that she is tall enough to stand in, she will constantly attempt to get out. Again, she refuses to do anything but grin at the other kids, and try to leave.

I think next time we will do music or art lessons. I suspect she'll enjoy them a whole lot more. 

Three's a Crowd

Hello there!

I'm still alive. Ian is now home, he got home safe and sound on Friday early evening.

There's lots going on, but I don't have much time to blog.

Needless to say, things are going okay. It's a bit rocky this time around. I have a routine, and Ian messes that up. I'm trying to make him feel welcome, but it's tough. I'm so used to being alone, and he is used to me needing him a whole lot more than I do now. But we are working it out, slowly but surely.

He might have a job closer to home. More on that as the situation develops.

Love you all!

Bad Afternoon

Well, the unthinkable has finally happened. It's my own fault, I know it, I should have been more careful, and now I only have myself to blame.

I'll start at the beginning. This morning Mary slept in again, it was wonderful, and she was so cheerful all morning. Around 12:30, I decided that Mary should have a nice nap, so I changed her diaper, got her a bottle, and put her in her room. She's such a good girl these days, as soon as I say "Do you want a nap? Mummy will get you a bottle of milk." she runs to her bedroom and climbs up on her bed. Anyways, she went down without a fuss, and though I did hear her banging around in her room and talking to herself, I really thought nothing of it. I had work to do, Ian/Moustapha (yes, they are the same person, hard to believe, I know) is supposedly coming home tomorrow, so I want to get the house nice and clean.

At 2:30, I decided that it was time to get Mary up and continue with our day. I figured she'd already be awake, so I could just change her diaper and carry on. As soon as I opened the door to her room, I knew something was wrong. It was too quiet, deathly quiet. I had a deep sense of foreboding, and I peered around the corner in search of my daughter. What I saw froze the blood in my veins. Who was this changeling child? Had the faeries taken my beautiful, fair skinned, curly haired girl and left this brown, spiky haired monstrosity? But no, I looked closer, and the monstrous creature in my daughters bedroom had her beautiful blue eyes. Then I noticed the distinct lack of diaper on the brown little monster sitting on the floor, calmly sucking on an empty bottle, and it hit me. My focus changed from the child to the room, and I realized that my foot was only a centimetre away from a giant poo sitting there in the middle of the floor. But that giant log was not alone, there were streaks of brown all over the floor. And the bed. And the rocking chair. And the walls. And the dresser.

I quietly backed out of the bedroom and closed the door. I took a deep, calming breath, and started to fill the bathtub. I sat quietly on the edge of the tub as it filled, and I took another calming breath. I then opened the door of the bedroom, only to find the changeling child squatting over the log, and baptizing it in a most repulsive and demonic way.

You will all be happy to hear that my own angelic darling is back, after a 45 minute exorcism (bath). I intend to go out today and purchase some duct tape to ensure that this never EVER happens again.

Beer and Popcorn!

Yesterday turned out to be a lovely evening. I did not spend the evening weeping in front of the television with toast and a 40 oz bottle of Coconut Rum. Raven was smart enough to see that my post yesterday was a desperate passive aggressive plea for someone to drag me out of my stinky hot little house. So drag me away she did. I had a lovely family supper where the children outnumbered the adults, and then Ravens wonderful husband looked after Mary (who apparently cried the entire time) while a few of us went for a swim.

In the mail yesterday I got my first $100.00 family blah-de-blah cheque from the Harper government. I stifled the urge to immediately head out to buy beer and popcorn, I decided to save it for when Ian gets home, so we can enjoy a hundred dollars worth of beer together.

Speaking of Ian, he gets home on Thursday! Eep. I'm delighted and excited, but as I've said before, I'm also nervous and anxious. The house is a mess, and when Ian gets home I know that he's going to screw with my routine. I despise change, and Ian coming home is a big one. Of course he will leave right when I've finally gotten used to him being around, and it'll be another miserably stressful change too.

Two years ago today...

...I got married. I believe I shall celebrate it by spending the day alone in my stinking hot little house with a screaming toddler. Tonight I will watch Casanova all by myself. I may do some laundry. For supper I will have toast.

Last night I dreamed that Mary had a fever of 43 degrees, and was hallucinating. I took her to the children's hospital and was surprised to find that a very handsome friend of mine who I always thought worked for a that computer game company was actually a pediatrician. He came in, looked at Mary, and then the dream suddenly morphed into something a wee bit more naughty on a space ship. Then my D&D group wandered in. It was very odd.

My Tarot Card

Who'd have guessed it?

You scored as III - The Empress. The Empress is a maternal symbol. She is the mother figure who loves, nurtures and protects. She will protect you, she will always be there when you are in trouble. When you fall over and graze your knee, the Empress will kiss it better. Yet she is not a weak figure. Her compassion is strength. If her children are threatened she will stop at nothing to protect them. If well aspected in a Tarot spread, the Empress can symbolise security, protection and unconditional love. If badly aspected it can represent over-protectiveness, fear of risk taking and refusal to face the real world. III - The Empress 100% VI: The Lovers 81% XI: Justice 75% XIII: Death 63% 0 - The Fool 50% I - Magician 50% XVI: The Tower 44% XIX: The Sun 44% XV: The Devil 44% II - The High Priestess 31% VIII - Strength 25% X - Wheel of Fortune 25% IV - The Emperor 0% Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You? created with QuizFarm.com